Oh man. Big Brother is headed into overdrive. The show just crossed the line from fun entertainment to riveting television. Everything in the house has gone crazy, and the most bonkers stuff is still to come, but for now we have the calm before Hurricane Chima. In the wake of Jeff using the Coup D’Etat power to send Jessie home, the house has completely turned into a war-zone, and as a result, we have the most hostile split since the hallowed days of season six. In fact, this current cycle is suddenly sharing many similarities to that wonderful summer. Not only do we have a massive divide in the house, but one of the alliances (Natalie, Chima, Lydia, and Kevin) actually believes themselves to be the “good” people — the ones who haven’t lied or manipulated or done anything wrong. Never mind that Chima has been hurling about racist terrorist comments for the past ten days. And never mind that Lydia has been totally duplicitous. And never mind that Natalie, well, okay. Natalie hasn’t really done THAT much wrong that I can think of. BUT she doesn’t shower, and that’s truly reprehensible.
Yes, it’s like The Friendship all over again, and when Natalie played the pity card, sarcastically thanking America for screwing them over, it was sort of awesome. I immediately had flashbacks of April bawling on the floor of the HOH room, bemoaning the fact that Janelle got a call from evictee Michael and ultimately lashing out at America in the process. Good times. And just like in season six when The Friendship bizarrely put Cappy on a pedestal and anointed him the new king of kings, this new horrible alliance has taken to memorializing Jessie for being a saint of some sort — even though he had pitted all the girls against each other at some time or another. Oh well. There’s no accounting for what idiots will say or do. But we do know it makes for good television.
After the jump, the photocap…
“Jeff, you just motherfuckin’ made the worst motherfuckin’ move of the game, motherfucker. It was totally logical and smart, and that’s not cool, motherfucker.”
“Hey Chima, how do you spell ‘technotronics?’ Oh that’s right, it’s S-U-C-K -I-T.”
“In all my eighteen years of life, I’ve never met someone like Jessie, and never will again. I don’t know, maybe I’m just being naïve, on account of being just an impressionable teenager, WHICH I AM.”
“It’s just not fair that the good people get screwed over time and time again. You know, good people like me, Jessie, Chima, Lydia, Hitler, Stalin, Saddam Hussein. It’s not right!”
“It’s just such a motherfuckin’ tragedy that a sweet motherfucker like Jessie has to go home. Now where’s my paint roller? Sistah needs to put on some lipstick.”
“I just really miss staring at Jessie while he sleeps, dreaming about pricking his finger, licking his blood, and uniting my soul with his in an eternal bond. Also, I’d like to tie him up and keep him captive in my basement for a few years.”
“Jeff, I want to kick your ass right now. And it would be easy for me to do so as I’m a very energetic — yet impressionable — teenage youth.”
“To Jessie — the man, the myth, the legend. We only got a taste of him. Well… I got a mouthful.”
“If any of y’all make a Russell the Love Muscle joke right now, I’m gonna punch you motherfuckers.”
“Jessie was so bland and inarticulate and such a whiner. I mean, how amazing is that?”
“Did you know that he prayed for all of us? I mean, every time I DID him, he yelled ‘OH GOD!'”
“[sniff sniff] I’M A BITCH [sniff sniff]”
“This is as bad as that time I found out I didn’t get into grad school… which makes sense because what HIGH SCHOOLER ever goes directly to GRAD SCHOOL!!!! What a crazy eighteen year old I am!”
“‘Jessie’s the best.’ ‘Jessie got screwed.’ ‘Jessie prays for us.’ Well, boohoo! It’s time these girls shut up. I mean, I think it’s time. I can’t read clocks.”
“Look at how big this shirt is on me. I guess that’s why they call me Shotgun Big-n-Tall Shop Customer Russell The Love Muscle.”
Russell: “Check it out. I’m like Shotgun Near A Pool But Not Quite In It Russell The Love Muscle.”
“C’mon, Michele. Let’s let bygones be bygones. Gimme a hug. They don’t call me Shotgun Teddy Bear Hug Russell the Love Muscle for nothing!”
“Guys, in honor of Jessie, I covered myself in his man-juice, which I’ve been collecting while he sleeps.”
“Look at me putting up these check marks. Hey, that’s a good nickname. Shotgun Check Mark Placer Russell the Love Muscle!”
“Just so you know, Michele, the words that Russell said can never be taken back. Just like SAT scores, which I just received on account of me being a teenager, WHICH I AM!”
“UGH. I’m so OVER this nomination ceremony.”
“UGH. I’m so OVER being OVER this nomination ceremony.”
“Go ahead. Nominate me, motherfucker. Don’t think you can scare the entitlement out of me!”
You’re welcome!
I…
LOVED…
THIS…
THIS IS THE BEST and how America thinks!!!
Just plain awesome. You’re right, this season just went and got all riveting. I CANNOT WAIT for Tuesday’s episode!
For those keeping score at home…
America -1
Crazy bitches – 0
And I don’t think I need to mention how awful Natalie really is, because I’m sure at least a half-dozen people will oblige.
that first pic of chima will give me nightmares for days to come.
Love it ! You’re missing one of Russells nicknames – I can’t remember who it was in the backyard but he said the DR calls him Captain Soundbite- LOL !
Seriously, can you come and photocap my life?! Frickin hilarious!
When people were pissed at Chima for her racist remarks at Russell, Marcellas was loud talking about how people needed to stop bashing his girl. But since her exit from BB I haven’t heard a peep out of him. That misogynist.!
hb
You are soooo dead-on!!!! This is great!
B–you’re my hero for life for that first screen grab of Chima
I was checking out this article Marcellas is writing for BB11. In the last piece, he claims Chima wasn’t calling him terrorist in a racist way. No comment on how calling him “Osama” and numerous other comments can’t be construed as being racist.
But what makes his remarks even more twisted is that in his previous article he said he plans on calling Jeff out (at the wrap party) on his homophobic remarks.
I think that this is your best photocap ever!!
“Hey Chima, how do you spell ‘technotronics?’ Oh that’s right, it’s S-U-C-K -I-T.”
LOVE IT!!
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Every time I see Lydia, I just want to take her to a tattoo parlor for dumb tattoo removal. Maybe the pain will cause her brain to restart and she’ll realize that not only were all her tattoos stupid, but so was her fawning over JESSIE of all people.
The ‘mouthful’ one KILLED me!
All I kept thinking was….Jesse is the new cappy? Have we come full circle?
Love the drama. Why did all this happen after I got rid of showtime?!
Too funny! I would have totally peed myself, except for that ad-bar down the side blocking the text of what I’m sure were the 5 funniest captions. I suppose that’s for the best.
you rock!
Why don’t people call these girls for what they really are– They are acting like MANSON CHICKS!! If Jessies shaved his head, I bet they would to. All they are missing is the same markings on their foreheads. FREAKS!!!
That always happens on my screen too, Dianne. I thought it was just me but I can never read the whole caption or blog entry depending on how long it is.
Since no one else has really commented.
NataLIE has told more lies than Ronnie at this point… Yes, lies are part of the game. But, she has taken it to a completely other level. It astounds me that she calls her band of venom-laden “women” the good team.
This episode was just chock-full of goodies. Awesome, awesome, awesome.
Could this be any more obviously biased?
You’re brilliant B, and each recap is better than the one before, but I don’t think anything will ever top Jessie’s exit speech. Hall of Fame stuff, that was.
Who the fuck cares if this is biased, fu? Don’t most fans pull for a particular side?
B – those of us who keep up with the feeds and BBAD have gotten to see a Natalie much more loathsome than the one depicted on the CBS show. She is thoroughly sadistic, and takes great delight in tormenting those who are down. I hate her more than Chima just because Chima seems deluded and mentally ill, while Natalie’s bile can’t be similarly explained.
Who the fuck cares if this is biased, fu? Don’t most fans pull for a particular side?
B – those of us who keep up with the feeds and BBAD have gotten to see a Natalie much more loathsome than the one depicted on the CBS show. She is thoroughly sadistic, and takes great delight in tormenting those who are down. I hate her more than Chima just because Chima seems deluded and mentally ill, while Natalie’s bile can’t be similarly explained.
I wish Jeff would say S U C K – I T to me. I would be all over that mess!
Oh, and btw… get rid of that vertical ad-bar that covers up the text. Thank you.
… And this one time in band camp….which I went too just last year, you know cause I’m eighteen and just graduated high school….
If you watch only the show, you might not think Natalie did much of anything wrong, but if you’re watching the feeds, you know Natalie lies just as much as Ronnie did. She instigates tons of drama and then hides when sh*t hits the fan.
What vertical ad bar? I see complaints about it…but it doesn’t interfere with me or my screen.
re: the vertical ad bar – it’s been a problem for months that i haven’t been able to fix. apologies to those who have been affected by it. I really wish I could change it. Movable Type sucks.
“To Jessie — the man, the myth, the legend. We only got a taste of him. Well… I got a mouthful.”
Mouthful? I’m not so sure about that. Thimbleful, maybe.
Natalie reminds me of those little yappy dogs that will follow you around yapping at you and if you threaten them in any way, they sink their teeth into your ankles. She never gives ground in any argument, even when she is so very wrong. If she believes she is right (and even when there is so much evidence shown to her that she is SO WRONG), she refuses to back down. Instead, she keeps at them, barraging them with her wrongness believing it to be right. I will be happy when she is gone.
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