BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: Hug It Out, Big Brother

I must continue the tradition of starting my Big Brother photocaps by complaining about the CBS website yet again. Not only does CBS no longer provide screen grabs, and not only are the few photos that go up once a week somewhat limited in their scope, but now users can’t even access the HOH photos anymore. They’re killing me. Killing me!
That being said, there’s plenty more to discuss. I was in Michigan starting on Thursday; so it’s really not until now that I can discuss the latest exciting developments in the house. First off, I think we can give three cheers to the house guests for finally getting rid of Ronnie. The kid tried to be a Dr. Will, but instead he came off as mostly Dr. Lame (much like this joke). He was just… awful. And while yes, I would have been equally pleased to have seen Lydia march out those front doors with her hipster hunch ‘n’ scowl, it was truly Ronnie’s time. And boy, did he go out in a blaze of not-glory. He certainly tried to have a memorable goodbye, but it just came off as petty. He pretty much told the whole house that he loved them, and then singled out Michele as being one of the worst people he has ever met in his entire life. Why? Don’t really know. I just assumed he wanted to have the sort of crazy adios that gets replayed over and over again. However, during the exit interview, when Julie asked him WTV? (why the vitriol?), he babbled on about how Michele was so duplicitous and such a liar and blah blah blah. Now, I haven’t actually read or seen any other interviews, but I hope and pray someone called Ronnie on his shit because last time I checked, it was HE who first a) lied to Michele, b) threw her under the bus, c) forced her into a minority house alliance, and d) betrayed his alliance with her. And that was in the first week! Whatever lying she’s done to him has been completely deserved, and furthermore, as a student of Big Brother — as Ronnie claims to be — he should know that all’s fair in the BB house. It’s that sort of hypocrisy that just makes me want to wring his neck. And it’s also that sort of vindictive victimization which has probably led to him living a life as a nerd. In the end it doesn’t really matter. Michele may leave this experience with her rep slightly tarnished, but it’s Ronnie who people will forever think is an untrustworthy creep.

As for other goings on in the house, let’s not overlook the Russell-Chima situation. I don’t remember how much of the fighting was shown on Thursday’s show (when I saw it, I was, um, in an altered state), but I was happy to have some fireworks back in the house. It had been a few weeks since anything major had gone down, and I was afraid things were lulling into a state of complacency. Now we have two people who hate each other; although, it appears as though things have calmed down between the two of them, which is unfortunate. We know Russell, who’s nominated this week, just wants to explode — he’s said as much — but alas, he’s playing with his head now and is determined to be nice to people. Dammit. That’s no fun.
The other person up against him is none other than Lydia, who continues to annoy, thanks to that baby voice she’s employing more and more. I must say that while Lydia drives me nuts, I absolutely love whenever the producers play up the love triangle between she, Jessie, and Natalie. I could not think of three less appetizing people to think about, but those two girls going at it is truly comic gold.
And speaking of gold, who would have thought Ari Gold himself would be popping up in the Big Brother house? That’s right, Jeremy Piven appeared at the front door to shamelessly promote his new movie, thus marking the biggest celebrity cameo since Sheryl Crow showed up in the backyard way back in season three. Watching Jeremy Piven was a surprisingly fascinating experience as he seemed to waiver back and forth between sheer disdain for the situation and unabashed joy at having his ego stroked so massively. In the end, I think it’s fair to say he probably got on the phone with his agent and roundly cursed him out for thirty minutes.
Anyway, there’s not much else to say. Here are some pics of Jeremy Piven interacting with the houseguests. Enjoy…

“Greetings. I’m Jeremy Piven, and I am here to contractually feign interest in your lives and well-being.”

“So who here is aware of how awesome I am?”

Russell: “The Goods — I like this movie. That would be a great name. Shotgun The Goods Russell The Love Muscle.”

Natalie: “In all my eighteen years of life, I have never enjoyed a movie trailer like this. I only wish this were a teen comedy. That would speak more to me and my demographic, on account of me being a teen, WHICH I AM.”

Jessie: “Ha, I can see my reflection in the TV. I’m so damn shredded.”

Jeremy Piven: “I swear to God, if this musclehead even grazes my knee, I’m gonna march right out of here.”

Jessie: “Whoa! That was the shortest movie I ever saw!”
Jeremy Piven: “It was a trailer, you idiot.”

“I want to thank you for having me in your house, and please remember that if you see me in the real world, I will not acknowledge that we’ve ever met.”

“Really? I have to do a Diary Room session? Really? Do you even realize who I am??”

“How good of a time am I having? Hmmm… let’s see. WELL, I’d say that if I had to rank this on a scale of 0 to 100, it would be a 0.00000. Now get me the FUCK out of here!”

“Why didn’t I save the mercury poisoning excuse for this?”

“Okay, sweetheart, I’ll hug you. But only because your lips look like sashimi.”

“No touching, Michele. This is as close as you get.”

“Well, thank you ladies for being here to fawn over me. I’ve had a wonderful time, and — WHO THE FUCK IS TOUCHING MY SHOULDER???”

“Okay, which one of you ladies wants to bone in the Diary Room? C’mon, you gotta make this worth it for me somehow.”