TOP CHEF MASTERS PHOTOCAP: 'Lost' In Food

I was very excited about last night’s Top Chef Masters because I’d actually dined at two of the chefs’ restaurants. Three, if you count Betty. Just over a year ago, I dined at Graham Elliot (the Chicago restaurant of chef Graham Elliot Bowles) and enjoyed the experience very much. I even took several photos, which I never got around to posting. Maybe I’ll put some up after the jump. I’ve also eaten at Suzanne Tracht’s Jar many times, and while I wouldn’t call it the best of Los Angeles, I thoroughly enjoy my meals there every single time (their chocolate pudding is something I crave about once a week). Anyway, I was quite thrilled to see both chefs battling it out as I felt for once that I could maintain the illusion of a mildly informed (but not really) opinion about their food.

Joining Chefs Tracht and Bowles this week were cookie aficionado Elizabeth Falkner and molecular gastronomy superstar Wylie Dufresne, the latter of whom seemed entirely too intense for this show. I know Chef Dufresne is supposed to be one of the best in the country, but the dude has to relax. He spent half the episode running around in circles and shouting “FUCK!” Then again, I too would be frustrated if I were a nationally recognized chef being slammed by BETTY. That hurts. I actually really liked Betty on her season, but after having gone to her restaurant, Grub, and being informed that the kitchen was out of pancake batter (also known as EGGS, OIL, MILK, BAKING POWDER, SALT, AND FLOUR), I lost quite a bit of respect. It’s not like we were ordering some exotic lobster only found in the depths of a Norwegian fjord.
Nevertheless, this week’s Quick Fire had the chefs revisiting the season two vending machine challenge, which had them using ingredients found only in — you guessed it — a vending machine. I immediately felt like Bowles would have the leg-up on this early round, especially given that when I ate at his restaurant, I enjoyed a Cheez-It risotto (I just had to try it. Like Stephanie Pratt, I’m not one to shy away from cracker whimsy).

The aforementioned Cheez-It risotto.

Just for shits and giggles, here’s a pic of a deconstructed Caesar salad.

Anyway, the producers tried to set up a neat rivalry between Dufresne and Bowles, but it was Suzanne Tracht who won the Quick Fire, earning five stars from the judges (Ilan, Betty, and Michael — all from season two). Wylie actually bombed in a spectacular manner, earning only three stars thanks to a crusty reduction that failed to impress Ms. Betty.
The good news for the oddly coiffed chef was that he made a roaring comeback during the Elimination Challenge. The task was to cook for the writers of Lost (shocking non NBC Universal cross-promotion), but the chefs could only used specific fresh meats and produce. Everything else had to be canned AND approved by — groan — the Dharma initiative.
The chefs seemed to all rise to the challenge fairly well. Elizabeth Falkner was the least successful as she was felled by a papaya and sweet potato purée that was likened to baby food. Jay Raynor repeatedly mentioned that the dish would have been well served with some saucing, but alas, Ms. Falkner had run out of time before such aforementioned saucing could occur. Perhaps she had been too busy KILLING BETTY, as per her stated promise after the Quick Fire challenge.
Meanwhile, everyone else served up meals that were well received by the Lost writers, who all seemed to be wearing identical clothes and glasses. In the end, Wylie earned the most stars in the Elimination round, but his earlier struggles did him in. He lost out barely to his rival Graham Elliot Bowles, but after all that back and forth about which one of these guys would win, it was actually Suzanne Tracht who scored the overall victory, and let me tell you, she was OUT OF CONTROL WITH EMOTION. And by “out of control,” I mean COMPLETELY DEVOID. Early in the episode, she informed us that she could erupt like a lil volcano, but based on her generally stoic, borderline-stoner façade, I’d have to estimate that when she says “small volcano,” she’s talking very very small. Like, ant-sized. Nevertheless, I was quite pleased to see Ms. Tracht take the victory. She was the one I was rooting for all episode, and now I have yet another reason to go back to Jar.
In the meantime, here are some photos from the episode.

“What is it?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’m scared.”
“Grow some balls, you pussy!”
“Wow, Elizabeth. Calm down.”

“I couldn’t decide between a fuchsia top or a black top. So I wore both!”

“Anyone else think Webby from Ducktales was hot?”

GE’s lesser known product line: the Monogram Vending Collection.

“This food was prettttty good, but I’d like it more if it traveled back and forth in time and made no sense whatsoever.”

Lurking in the shadows, Kelly proves to be a resilient mole for the Vending Machine Gestapo.

Kelly: “Little do they realize that I’ve stocked the machines with POISON!”

“Go on, fat man. Take the bait. TAKE IT!”

“Soon they’ll all be dead, and it will be I who is the Top Chef Master!”

James Oseland: “Really, Kelly. Was it truly necessary for you to flash your tits at dinner? Really.”

Jay Rayner: “I actually quite liked Kelly’s show.”
Gael: “I was bored.”

“I’m gonna make Betty a cookie… and then I’m gonna KILL HER.”

“Chefs, you will have two hours to prepare a dinner using only freshly caught polar bear and smoke.”

“I’m sorry, did you ask a question? You did? Fuck! FUCK! FUCK!!!!!”

“Ilan: “I’m a dick!”
Betty: “I ran out of pancake batter!”

“Wait, is this how you smile?”

“Are you taking a picture? You are? Fuck!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!”

What did you think about the episode? Thoughts on the chefs? Been to their restaurants?