Shocking ‘American Idol’ Results Finally Push Show Over Cliff and Into a Void of Pointlessness

It happens every season. Well, maybe not LAST season when NOTHING happened. But every other season, there’s been someone who’s gone home way too early — perhaps most famously Jennifer Hudson, who didn’t even break the top five (or Chris Daughtry who missed the top three). Now this tenth season has been marred by a shocking, shocking elimination, and from it we’ve all learned a most valuable lesson. No, it’s not that we should always vote. It’s that the dumbass judges shouldn’t waste their save on annoying singers like Casey Abrams.

Yes, the jaw-dropping news is that Pia Toscano — the odds on favorite to win the whole thing — was ELIMINATED from Idol. This was not a joke; although, when my friend Andrea texted me about it, I thought for sure she was pulling my chain. Pia somehow wound up with the lowest number of votes, which I like to think is a testament to how much better she was than everyone else. After all, her elimination had to have been the result of voter complacency.

Without her, I’m not sure who I can throw my weight behind. Not Casey. He’s boring, indulgent, and annoying. And now we can add one more item to the list: a SAVE-STEALER! That’s not really his fault, but we’ll blame him anyway.

I can’t back Stefano, who also was in the bottom two and who also should have headed home. Sure, he’s cute like a little lemur, but he’s an arrogant lemur, and I simply don’t dig his musical style.

There’s Haley, who has a pretty good voice, but her affectations make me wish she’d fall through a trapdoor. And her awkward movements across the stage always feel like a teen girl playing the part of an older performer. (But at least she’s no Paris Bennett)

There’s Scotty McCreery, but who am I kidding? He lost his novelty appeal for me a few weeks ago, and besides, he doesn’t need my help. He has every red state out there dialing in ten times over.

There’s Jacob Lusk, but he sounds less like a singer and more like an AM radio trying to find reception. Plus, his ego came out strong this week when he told us that if he wound up in the bottom three, it wouldn’t be because he sang “Man in the Mirror” badly. Well, guess what? He DID wind up in the bottom three, and he DID sing the song badly.

There’s Paul McDonald, but let’s be honest — his appeal has worn thin. He’s the closest one left to being a natural performer, but I would never, ever go to one of his shows or buy one of his CDs. He belongs in last season.

There’s Lauren, but she’s generic and forgettable.

That leaves us with James, who might just be the best of the worst. He’s a poseur, that’s for sure. The bandana in the hair? The earring? It’s like he’s playing a rocker from what he’s seen in the movies (from 1989). I hate fakers like him, but he puts on a show, and he knows how to perform; so I begrudgingly have to root for him.

But really, America? Pia?

If Simon were around, he would have never saved Casey. Just sayin’.

And with all this Pia talk, it completely overshadows the second most shocking part of the night: that Iggy Pop performed on AMERICAN IDOL. I can’t imagine many tweens had any idea what was going on, and I also can’t imagine J-Lo enjoying the shirtless AARP member writhing in front of her, but for the rest of us, it was pretty amusing.

Nevertheless, what did you think about the elimination? Did America choose poorly? Or was Pia just a lot of hype anyway? And do we think the judges learned their lesson?