REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Fashionable Offenses

If you didn’t catch last week’s episode of Real Housewives of New York City, you are truly missing out. I watched it twice (once with the parents — a saga unto itself, and once drunkenly with my friends — including Neil and Meeshie). I can assure you that it stands the test of time and multiple viewings. Why? Because these women are batshit crazy. They just fight with each other, no matter the venue. And if they’re not fighting, they’re making passive aggressive digs. And if they’re not doing that, they’re simply gossiping angrily. It’s kind of perfect and amazing. I don’t know who wouldn’t love it. Well, scratch that. I know two people who wouldn’t: my parents. My mom watched with a horrified look on her face the entire episode, occasionally remarking that it was like “watching people from Mars!” After the first ten minutes, my mother commented about Bethenny, “This one is crazy.” She then brushed them all off as wannabes, noting that REAL Manhattan socialites would never behave this way in public. And therein lies the fun of the show: watching a bunch of loud people acting gauche against the backdrop of Manhattan’s elite. (For the record, my father — who’s from Queens — offered his own withering question: “Do they ALL talk like that?”)
Nevertheless, this photocap is a week late; so rather than rehash all the glorious moments (and there were about ten million), I’ll just get to the pictures — located after the jump.

“Did you go say hi to Kelly? She got her breasts redone. Second time. Ask her about it. She won’t mind!”

“Anyone wanna try this drink I invented? It’s called a margarita!”

“No, no, no, no, no, my dears. Don’t fight. Ramona, be civilized. Kelly, leave Crazy Eyes McGee alone.”

Jill: “That Bethenny, she scares me. She makes me want to cry. She’s worse than you, Ramona. And you gotta admit, you’re pretty awful!”
“Well, my mother always said that you should always get your own awfulness because you never want to be dependent on your husband being awful for you.”
“And let’s face it. Your husband IS awful.”
Kelly: “Hey look! It’s a piece of lint. Hiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee!!!!”

Alex: “You know what I love about these events? I can wear a bizarre, shoulder-padded contraption that looks like it was made from discarded prom decorations, and no one cares because everyone’s focused on Ramona.”
Ramona: “You know what? That’s rude. No, that’s not rude. That’s déclassé. And you all are déclassé. Especially YOU, LuAnn!”
LuAnn: “What is the matter with you?”
Alex: “See?”
Jill: “FEH. Get me out of here.”
Kelly: “Hiiiiieeeeeeeee!!!!”

Jill: “I’d like to make a toast to all you ladies. Thank you for being so polite even though you are clearly jealous of my Robocop couture.”

Bethenny: “You wanna kiss?”
Jason: “Yes, I’d like that.”
“So let’s kiss.”
“Okay.”
“But I’m warning you, I’m shvitzing over here.”
“That’s okay.”
“I’m like a hog on a farm.”
“It’s okay!”
“Look at this one. A regular gentleman he is.”
“Can we just kiss already?”
“So impatient he is! Alright, alright, we’ll kiss. It’s a wonderful life.”

“Waaaaait a second. Am I made of wax?”

Ramona: “You know what? I feel like I’m on Project FUNway because I’m having fun. This is fun. Sorry, it’s fun.”

LuAnn: “This necklace is made of Subway tokens. I’m hoping I can trade them in and maybe buy myself a cup of coffee… unless, of course, one of you girls wants to treat?”

Gloria: “This is too close.”
Jill: “Mommy, it’s a hug. Don’t you want to hug me?”
Gloria: “Not with you dressed like that! You look like a slut.”
“Aw, mommy, it’s pretty.”
Lisa: “UGGGH, how much longah?”
Gloria: “I’m not happy.”
Jill: “Sure you are. You got your two daughters right beside you.”
Gloria: “I should have had sons.”
Lisa: “UGGGGH!!!”
Jill: “Would you just hug me already?”
Gloria: “Why should I hug? What’s there to hug about? My daughter looks like a common prostitute. At least Lisa looks respectable. She always was my favorite.”
Jill: “Here we go.”
Gloria: “But I love you too, Jill.”
Lisa: “My flats are killing me.”
Jill: “Mommy, why can’t you just hug me like a normal human being.”
Gloria: “A normal human being wouldn’t show so much skin. Who dressed you? That faigelah Brad?”
Jill: “Brad is my friend.”
“So he’s your friend. What do I care?”
“Be nice.”
“Be nice she says. Why can’t you be like your sistah–“
Lisa: “Oy, mommy, can we take the picture?”
Gloria: “A maidel mit a klaidel, that one!”

Jill: “You like this? It’s like somebody put a Jiffy-Pop on the stove, and I popped out!”

LuAnn: “Pamela, thank you for having us. Is your son dating anyone?”
“Why? Is your daughter looking for a boyfriend?”
“Yeah… my daughter…”

What did you think about the episode? Thoughts on the fights? Thoughts on the new friendships and alliances? Thoughts on anything?