After two episodes of simmering tension, Jill and Bethenny finally came face to face on the latest installment of The Real Housewives of New York City, and it was just as awkward and uncomfortable as you’d imagine it to be. There’s truly nothing more divisive than a sidekick separating from her Master (a phenomenon I’ve analyzed many times in the past, most notably with The Hills), and Bethenny spreading her own wings has been no exception. These sorts of power shifts never occur without drama, and often the former friendship gets damaged beyond repair. It would be nice to see Jill and Bethenny back gabbing together like old times, but if there’s anything we’ve learned about LC and Heidi, you can forgive but never forget. Or actually, you can forgive and WANT to forget. Or something like that. The point is, the days of Jithenny (or perhaps BILL. Er, maybe Bethill) are most assuredly over.
Photocap after the jump…
“Mommy, why aren’t we walking down the middle of 5th Avenue like normal?”
“Kelly, you really need to cover this horse with some ZAAAAARRRRIN FAAAAAABRICS.”
“No, LuAnn, I will not pay for your cab back to the Hamptons.”
“Well, then I have no use for you.”
“LuAnn, you’re being crazy!”
“Please, Bethenny. Not at a fashion show in the same city as the Cancer Society. NEVER IN THE SAME CITY AS THE CANCER SOCIETY!”
“My love, what do you mean I’m about to hit a truck? Why would you ever say that?? It’s not like I don’t have my eyes on the road. Oh wait, I don’t. I guess I’m just so used to Juan driving us everywhere. That was his name, right? Or was it Domingo? He seemed to be of an island nation.”
“Oh look! A moth!”
“Darling, there seems to be a heavy breeze in here blowing us over.”
“Yup. There we go.”
“Like two palm trees in St. Bart’s.”
Mario: “I wonder if that FUCKTARD Ivan Lendl is gonna be here.”
“Honey, that was mean.”
“What? I didn’t say anything.”
“You called him a fucktard.”
“Not to his face. Doesn’t count.”
“I suppose.”
“And you know what else doesn’t count? That bitch LuAnn. And by ‘doesn’t count,’ I mean she doesn’t HAVE a Count. Because she got divorced. DAMN, I’m on a roll today.”
LuAnn: “I love a good fashion show.”
Jill: “Me too.”
LuAnn: “You’re buying lunch, right?”
“The psychic says I’ll have a love interest whose first initial is a J. I hope that’s not Jose, the limo driver. His name is Jose, isn’t it? Or is it Jésus? He’ll probably take me to dinner at a taco shack. And we all know how I feel about Taco Night. Then again, free dinner…”
Bethenny: “LuAnn, are you still pissed about me being late to our drinks?”
“Well, I just think the polite thing would be to not leave me waiting. Maybe you need a driver. You should speak to my guy. His name is Carlito, I believe. Or is it Fernando? I don’t know. He wears a sombrero, and we’re supposed to fall in love, but if you ask me, he doesn’t really fit into my world. Lovely man though.”
“Let me tell you how to be naturally thin. GENETICS. What don’t you people get? If you have to work be naturally thin, you’re not naturally thin. Now who wants an autograph?”
Bethenny: “You know what, Jill? You really DO need a new hobby!”
LuAnn: “Here’s a fun hobby: buying me dinner! Fun for everyone!”
“I love your book!”
“Thank you!”
“But you didn’t invent the margarita.”
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LEARNING ANNEX!”
Jill: “Ugh. Look at that ring. You call that a ring? I should kick her out of my apartment right now for wearing that in here. FEH.”
LuAnn: “So… in the classiest way possible, since I am all about class… tell us EVERYTHING ABOUT RAMONA’S. IT WAS AWFUL, RIGHT?”
Jill: “Alex, did you hear about how terrible your children were acting?”
“No, but I did hear that you’re a TOTAL BITCH. Hahahahahahaha.”
What did you think about the episode?
Great recap as always. I can’t believe I am about to write this, but Alex is growing on me. She is actually the most sane one in the group. I find myself siding with both Bethanny and Jill. I can really see both sides. If they would just get together and talk (without Luann) then I think they could work it out (but I guess that would be boring). I used to really like Luann, but not so much. She was EATING up the comment her daughter said about how some of her friends think that her mom is hot.
Kelly is a complete asshat. I loved it when she said PETA endorses fur…what a maroon!
Great recap! Thanks B. the show is getting hard to watch, like the OC one – they all seem pretty bitchy this year. Alex does seem the most ‘normal’ which freaks me out to even write that. Kelly is just a moron. Jill is so high school it is sad, and LuAnn needs a hobby.
Kelly uses puffery like I use sarcasm. She is always exaggerating anything that she does. Saying that she was going to on the cover of Playboy’s 40th Anniversary issue — um not exactly. And it was going to be a 10 page spread — well if 6 is the new 10.
I can understand why Playboy needed 6 pages because her left tit is on the first page and right tit on the sixth page.
The best part was her own daughter telling her the reason she was going to be in Playboy was “entertain people with your weirdness.” (Kid Snap)
hb
I’m starting to get Mario & Simon (of the OC) confused