AMERICAN IDOL RECAP: It's Miley!

Pic via New York Daily News

It never ceases to amaze me how terrible the contestants on American Idol are at picking tunes to sing. Last night’s episode offered them the simplest way to sound contemporary by providing the wide-open theme of #1 Billboard Hot 100 hits, and yet despite the show all but begging these guys to sound young (ahem, the presence of Miley Cyrus), most of them opted for tunes that were at least twenty years old (and sounded every bit of it). This was a general fail of an episode, erasing much of the good, if minor, progress made over the past several weeks. Methinks next season’s Hollywood Week should kick off with a tutorial on song selection because things have been ugly, ugly, ugly lately. Of course, if the singers can’t figure out the basic principles of choosing a tune in this media savvy Internet age, then that’s really their fault I suppose. Nevertheless, Tuesday was a grim night for many, and I’m a bit stumped as to who will go home.

Kicking things off on a decidedly corny note was Lee Dewyze, who bopped and shimmied all over the stage in a cheesy black number. He sang “The Letter,” and incorporated a snazzy set of brass players, who made an unfortunate and silly appearance in many of the songs tonight. To be honest, I didn’t really get what Lee was going for. The whole thing felt like gravelly Michael Bublé, which is just about as bad as smooth Michael Bublé; so really, there was little for me to be a fan of. I didn’t understand why Randy, Ellen, and Kara were so head-over-heels about the performance. I tend to think the general momentum of all those horns and backup singers created what felt like an exciting experience in person, but I can assure you on TV it was nothing SPESH. Thankfully Simon had his ears tuned correctly because he accurately labeled the whole thing as corny and old fashioned. Like the surly Brit said, how is it that of all #1 songs out there, this is what Lee decided upon? It just seems illogical. I wonder about the actual choice these kids have. Can they pick from every #1 song out there? Or have the producers whittled it down to a list of golden oldies (as has been rumored to be the case for a while). Either way, someone has to be blamed and possibly flogged.
Not doing herself any favors in the contemporary department was Paige Miles, who’s been struggling to find her voice (both literally and figuratively) the past few weeks. Ryan announced she’d be singing Phil Collins, which immediately made me happy, but then I realized she’d probably be doing the most overused Idol Phil Collins song of all time: “Against All Odds.” Sure enough, that’s exactly what she did. I can’t say that I was exactly thrilled about this, especially after having seen her rehearse the song miserably with Miley Cyrus. Oh Paige. You have so much potential. Why are you doing this to yourself? Why?
Sure enough, Paige pretty much butchered the hell out of the song. She spent the first verse and chorus squeaking the tune out off key, and then suddenly, in the second verse, these strange power notes just blurted right out of her. For a moment I got excited that maybe she would redeem herself, but then even the power notes started going out of tune, and then whole thing just totally fell apart. Randy straight up told her it was terrible; Ellen refused to critique the vocals, lest she say something too nasty, and Kara and Simon just trashed her even more, saying she sounded like five people up there on stage. They were all right. Everything was wrong about the performance, starting at the song selection. Honestly, if she wanted to sing Phil Collins so badly, why not attempt something surprising like “Take Me Home” or “Separate Lives” or — oooh! oooh! — “Sussudio?” It’s a big song, and it’s upbeat. Fun for the whole family!
The good news for Paige is that she was reamed so badly, I think she might stay another week thanks to pity votes. I’m not sure the same can be said for Tim Urban, who gave us the most ridiculous performance of the night. Singing “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” by Queen, Tim was total cheeseball on stage. He danced around and slid along the floor and mixed with the crowd, but none of that could change the fact that he’s just dull. Also working against him was that his song choice was highly forgettable. I mean, I don’t think anyone can truly say that “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” is a particularly wonderful song. It’s just sort of average and amusing and inoffensive. There’s nothing inherently dramatic or interesting about it, which is why despite all the on-stage movement, Tim still wound up being totally blah. I don’t think he really understood the note about being boring. It’s not so much that he needs to use the stage more (although, that’s always welcomed). It’s that he needs to choose noteworthy songs and inject some life into them. Unfortunately, his voice is sort of characterless; so I’m not sure how much success he’s gonna have turning things around for himself. He’ll just have to bank on his smile and boyish good looks to get him through (and truth be told, that may be enough). As one of the judges said, “Little girls will like that.” Hey, if that’s not high praise, I don’t know what is.
Improving things was lil’ Aaron Kelly, who decided to tackle Aerosmith. I don’t think anyone had any doubt which song he’d go for. As soon as Ryan mentioned the band’s name, I immediately braced for yet another rendition of “Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing.” How did I know? Well, it’s cheesy, overdone, kind of bland, and the sort of junk grandmas eat right up. And let’s face it, there’s no way Aaron’s singing “Sex On An Elevator” (although, if he did, I would be so impressed). Nevertheless, my intuition was correct. Aaron sang the Armageddon theme song, and honestly, I can’t hate too much. The kid sounded good, and despite my misgivings, it really was the perfect song for him. I’m not saying I will ever run out to buy his albums, but on a night where we’ve already had some major bombs, Aaron managed to sound pretty good. His stage presence, however, is another thing. The kid always looks like he’s going to pee his pants. I suppose that’s endearing to some, but I find it distracting. Plus, it makes me anxious.
Then came Crystal Bowersox. This girl is on another level, as they say. As Simon mentioned, everyone else is in a karaoke competition. Crystal is a singer through and through. I do wonder if she’d be commercially viable, but at the current moment, it doesn’t even matter. She’s so great, so effortless, and so natural that I’m merely happy to listen to her on the show. This week she finally tackled Janis Joplin, and she totally killed it. Singing “Bobby McGee,” Crystal came off like a seasoned performer, and in a sense, that’s pretty much what she is. I wouldn’t be shocked if she’d been singing that song for years upon years. The experience truly paid off for her, earning her rave reviews from the judges all around. Ellen made some nitpicky comments about Crystal needing to forge a greater connection with the audience, and Kara suggested that Crystal come out from behind the guitar. Crystal got a touch lippy by saying she had big plans for next week; so I imagine we’ll be seeing her alone at the mic next Tuesday. Should be interesting. Almost as interesting as the random rug Crystal insists on singing atop of. Either way, Crystal could sing on a bed of nails for all I care. In a season full of wannabes, it’s refreshing to have someone up there who knows what they’re doing.
Next up was the other big contender of the season, Michael Lynche, doing his take of “When A Man Loves A Woman.” I’ll just sum this up real quickly for you: snooze. The guy can definitely sing, but here we were, back to old fashioned crap. I definitely detected a cocktail lounge vibe going on; so I was most pleased when the judges pointed that out as well. Big Mike may be in danger of peaking. He knows he excels with old school R&B jams, but he himself is starting to sound a bit old school too. He needs to get back his current edge quickly.
And then we have Andrew Garcia. UGH. It’s time for this guy to go home. He’s just been flailing for weeks now, and I’m not sure there’s any upside to him anymore. His rendition of “Heard It Through The Grapevine” was so forgettable and dumb, it’s no surprise that Simon accused him of sucking all the life out of the song and utterly ruining EVERYTHING. The judges seem to have lost faith in him, and quite honestly, I think America has too. At least the other spectacular flame-outs of the night — Paige and Tim — bring something to the table (Paige has potential, Tim has looks). Andrew really has nothing. And his hair is getting entirely too puffy. I wouldn’t be shocked if he went home tonight.
Now here are some words I never thought I’d say: THANK GOD FOR KATIE STEVENS. It’s not that she was that wonderful, but the girl had the common sense to pick a song from the past five years. Singing “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Fergie, Katie finally injected something young and hip into an evening that had been dominated by tunes only heard on Oldies stations or Adult Contemporary radio. Even better was that she sounded pretty okay! Believe me, that’s high praise for someone like Katie. She started off quite well, and even though by the end of the song she seemed to have run out of gas, I was still so appreciative of someone picking a smart song choice that I was willing to give her something of a free pass. I agree with Simon, however, that country music should be her area of expertise. She already has the voice for it, and as he said, she could find a very loyal following with it. Savvy that Brit is!
Casey James took the stage next and pretty much did his standard thing. I can’t imagine that he totally loved hearing advice from Miley “Bad Posture, No Pants” Cyrus, but he took it in stride and promised that he was gonna stop being so stiff behind the microphone. So what did he do? Well, he started off his song, “Power of Love,” away from the the mic and then… walked to the mic! Now that’s choreography. I did enjoy Casey’s performance, but admittedly, it wasn’t anything amazing. He loves to play guitar, but if he’s serious about trying to have more stage presence, maybe he should drop the instrument for one week and spend that time being a rocker on stage, strutting back and forth with some much needed swagger.
Speaking of swagger, I think Didi Benami may have overdosed on some swagger pills because she came a-struttin’ on stage for her performance of “You’re No Good” like a maneater from Mars (because that’s where maneaters come from, obvs). I respected her attempt to show versatility and stage presence, but it was overkill. At times, it did feel like a Performance (not a performance), and the judges rightly knocked her for being too theatrical. I thought her voice sounded fine and all, but it was just a strange experience, and again, not a good song choice. Too old. TOO OLD!
Finally we had Siobahn Magnus, who is always fun to watch, even if she’s singing the woefully overdone Stevie Wonder. Taking on “Superstitious,” the glass blower did her typical thing: sang competently through most of the song and then screamed out some crazy notes at the end. It’s truly becoming her thing: when will she caterwaul? I giggle each time; although, I freely admit that it’s going to get old. Simon suggested that she sing a whole song screaming and then get quiet at the end, but I’m not sure that’s something America needs. Then again, I am sort of intrigued by the thought of Siobhan in ultra scream mode. Maybe “Welcome To The Jungle” should be on the docket? Fingers crossed!
What did you think about the singers? Who’s going home? And what about Miley?