'Idol' Returns To Los Angeles with Most ProActiv-y Guest Judges Yet!

Apologies for taking a week off on the American Idol coverage last week. I fell woefully behind on my DVR and writing (I still haven’t watched any of this season of 24 yet, but don’t worry, I’m gonna chip away at it as soon as I’m done with this post; hopefully with a recap soon). Anyway, I can’t remember much from last week anyway except that I thought Shania Twain was a great guest judge full of presence, warmth, and well-stated criticism. She was and continues to be my favorite stand-in so far — certainly better than Posh Spice, who succeeded in sucking most of the life and energy out of Idol’s season premiere. And certainly better than Avril Lavigne, who appeared on the first half of last night’s show wearing a silly hoodie with devil horns. Get it? Because she was gonna be mean. Oh that Avril Lavigne. If anyone knows subtlety, it’s her.
One thing that must be said about Lil’ Avs, she certainly wasn’t shy, which I laud. She certainly said her piece, never fearing to speak up and get right to the heart of the matter. Unfortunately, Avril also happened to be totally obnoxious, frequently channelling the mean girls that she so often skewers in her music. Watching her and Kara snicker to themselves whenever a disaster came on stage felt a bit cruel, even for Idol standards. Meanwhile, Kara needs to stop mouthing along to every damn audition. Yes, lady, we know you know the song. And yes, we know you want to sing it. But for crying out loud, you’re the judge, not the applicant. CLOSE YOUR LIPS.

Thankfully, Avril was only around for half the episode as the second day of Los Angeles auditions brought fellow ProActiv spokeswoman Katy Perry to the table. I’m not gonna lie: I had reservations. Unlike many people these days, I don’t have any major problems with Katy Perry, but as she strutted into the judging room, I feared her kitschy brand of pop rock attitude might just translate into irritating cheekiness. To some degree, I was right. But on the other hand, I did like that she spoke her mind, and her verbal jousting with Kara (unclear whether it was dry humor or subtle bitchiness) was quite entertaining. Plus, I liked that she didn’t fall for the sob stories most of these kids came into the room with. I must admit, however, that even I fell victim to lonely tale of Chris Golightly, the former foster child with the unfortunate Justin Guarini hair. I don’t know how it happened, but Idol got its sentimental paws on my otherwise cold, stony heart and made me a believer. I mean, he never had a family! MUSIC IS THE ONLY PERMANENT THING IN HIS LIFE!!! How could you not be touched? HOW?? Well, fairly easily I suppose. But if it’s any consolation, I resisted succumbing to the Idol schmaltz for several episodes now — and that includes the guy with the autistic kid, the guy with the crying gang member dad, and the girl whose dad died during Hollywood week. Full disclosure though: I was a bit swayed by the sweet girl with the half-paralyzed face last week. She was like a charming, pretty version of Mary Jo Buttafuoco. I just wanted to pet her (that’s also partially thanks to her frizzy hair).
Anyway, this Chris Golightly kid mildly polarized the judging panel; although, given that they unanimously sent him through to Hollywood, I suppose “polarize” isn’t the proper word. He at least inspired a spirited discussion about the merits of his talent: was he great? Or merely just another boy bander? I fell somewhere in the middle. I definitely liked the dude more than Simon, but I wouldn’t say he was the best ever. One thing’s for certain: he needs a haircut, stat. Right now he looks like an overgrown Disney Channel reject. I may sound like a broken record, but hair can make you or break you on this show. Chris Golightly might think it’s gonna be his trademark touch, but listen, if Corbin Bleu is wise enough to tame the giant fern on his head, so is Chris Golightly.
Other standouts from last night’s episode? Uh… well… none really come to mind. Sort of a pattern with this season. There was Tasha Layton, the personal assistant by day, minister by night. I kind of dug her voice, but she’s exactly the type that will crumble under the pressure of Hollywood week. Still, it was worth it to see her audition, if only for the brief one second rendition of “Oh, Happy Day” by Simon (replete with pseudo gospel clapping).
Truly, last night was more memorable for its duds than anything else. No one seemed as big of a disaster as the first singer of the night — a sweaty, determined puffball of a man, who actually looked a bit more like a lesbian than anything else. Singing was not his forte, and while he attempted to use The Secret to push himself into the next round (I assume that’s what he was alluding to when he insisted that he could make his own reality and thus would not leave until he advanced), ultimately, the shiny wannabe had to leave with his tail between his legs, left with nothing to do but trip over signs in the hotel lobby (and perhaps catch a fifth viewing of Avatar).
I also appreciated the spazzy, strange audition of the one man who strutted into the room and attempted to perhaps seduce the panel with his take on Divinyls’ “I Touch Myself.” This might sound a bit crazy, but I thought his voice actually had potential. I mean, he shouldn’t have advanced, but if he took singing lessons and learned how to control his pitch, I think he could actually be decent. Of course, then there’s that whole persona thing. I couldn’t tell if the guy had some screws loose or was merely putting on a show. I actually thought it might have been the latter. Either way, he succeeded really in only making Katy Perry feel “dirty,” and let’s not forget this was coming from a girl who’s engaged to Russell Brand. Major accomplishment, I’d say.
Meanwhile, let’s give it up for the three random cameos of the episode. First was Jason Castro’s brother, who made it to Hollywood last year, and this time around… well, we don’t know. But his presence was reduced to a half-second appearance amidst a Glambert wannabe montage. Oh, how the not-so-mighty have fallen. Also bizarrely appearing in the same montage was former Project Runway contestant and current reality whore Daniel Franco, whose attempts to extend his eight minutes of fame appear to be veering into very sad territory. Stay away from the porn offers, Daniel. Stay away.
Of course, the most significant cameo of all (and the only one that was verbally acknowledged by the show) was none other than Ashley Ferl, a.k.a. “Crying Girl.” When the cameras caught her — you guessed it — crying at the auditions, I did a double-take. Was that the same tearful Sanjaya super-fan that we all knew and loved? It certainly was. Fox happily cut back to that infamous footage, and as we all smiled with nostalgia at Ashley’s tender heart, I couldn’t help but shake my head at the poor girl, who still seemed to be an emotional mess at sixteen. GROW SOME BALLS, ASHLEY.
What did you think about last night’s auditions? Any favorites? Thoughts on the judges so far?