Well, Top Chef: Las Vegas drew to a close last night, but I won’t spoil the results here. I’ll just say that the winner was a male with bad tattoos. HAVE I GIVEN TOO MUCH AWAY? I have to admit that this season capper wasn’t totally exciting. I actually dozed off at one point and had to rewind later. Still, I think the right person won; so I really can’t complain too much. Hopefully things will be more engaging next season.
Photocap after the jump…
“It’s very important that I shade myself from the sun. I only wish I could be as carefree as my dear friend Gail Simmons, who spends the weekends glued to a beer bong on Lake Havasu as her skin burns to a crisp, bless her heart…”
Tom: “Chefs, for your elimination challenge, you have to cook a three course meal and pretend that you’re not looking at Padma’s pregnancy bump while I talk.”
“Would you look at this tree? It’s about as sturdy as Gail’s legs — at least before she starts downing the Schlitz, bless her heart.”
“Hmmm… I have to make something reminiscent of my childhood, but I’m afraid cuisine from Middle-Earth simply won’t translate.”
Gail: “Now that Padma’s pregnant, guess who’s the hot one now? That’s right, bitch!”
Padma: “She tries so hard. Bless her heart…”
“You must pardon me as I was receiving a most harrowing text message that was at once filled with dreadful news and yet simultaneously the sort of ebullient gesture that makes one think of a young Elvis Presley thrusting his hips in a manner that would make the stodgiest of courtesans swoon with wistful abandon, much like a tropical bird caught in the murkiest depths of a remote fen.”
Padma: “Tom, do you mind strapping down Gail? She’s been eyeing those barrels ever since Toby told her they were full of Cheetohs, bless her heart…”
Kevin: “So you guys as excited as I am?”
“Yes.”
“Very much so. Can’t you tell?”
“We’re overflowing with emotions.”
“Lots.”
“Yeah.”
“Michael, we all felt your cake was very dry. It was an immediate GTG dish. You know, a Give-To-Gail.”
“Speaking of which, do any of you happen to have any string cheese? I can hear Gail’s stomach grumbling from here, and it’s quite distracting, bless her heart…”
Tom: “What did we think of Bryan’s venison?”
Toby: “I thought it was actually quite a fine piece of meat.”
Gail: “Yes, it was cooked perfectly. I loved it.”
Padma: “Well of course Gail loved it. You could serve her this tablecloth with some ketchup, and she’d love it, bless her heart…”
“They can’t tell I’m doing a combover, right?”
Padma: “Thank you so much for your hard work, Kevin. And please remember that if you have any leftover pork trimmings, my dear friend Gail Simmons is eating for two also.”
Gail: “Um, I’m not pregnant.”
“Well you’re certainly not eating for one, bless your heart…”
Padma: “I’d like to congratulate you, Michael, on winning this season’s title of Top Chef. Now if you don’t mind, could you whip up some fried Oreos for Gail? She’s also with child.”
Gail: “Padma, I’m NOT preggers!”
“Really? You seem to be retaining water. But what do I know? I was only married to one of the great influential writers of the 20th Century.”
“That has nothing to do with anything.”
“You’re right, Gail. I was out of line… (Michael, better throw a taco in there for her too. She’s getting cranky, bless her heart…)”
Tom: “Um, can you please stop hugging me? I’m very uncomfortable with personal contact.”
Padma: “Jennifer, did you remember to make Gail some chalupas? She’s just been dying for some, bless her heart…”
What did you think about the finale?
GTG? LOL!
Meh. Lackluster finale.
I was rooting for anyone but Lil’ Volt, he’s kind of a big douchebag.
I bet he gets a penis implant to celebrate.
Most of the winners of this show suck so this is not a surprising ending. Unfortunate but not surprising.
hb
I was profoundly disappointed. I’ve had a divine bacon and banana dessert by Kevin and those judges were NUTS. Once again an asshat is the winner. I don’t know why I watch this crap.
Too bad Kevin was not on his game. I wanted to give him a big hug. He’s still the winner in my book.
FWIW, I read Kevin & his wife broke up right before the final (he almost dropped out) & he apologized to Preeti for taking out his anger on her. So, no wonder he was off his game.
This was a boring season topped off by the worst.possible.winner. Lil’Volt is a major D-bag, but it has been obvious for quite some time that he could have served sh!t on a shingle & the judges were going to give it to him.
You had Toby-speak down pat.
I hate that the asshat won.
Next is the reunion, where we’ll see more of that Voltaggio charm. :0
I’m not pregnant, but now I’m jonesing for some fried Oreos… Thanks.
Hate that little bird mouthed Michael. Brian’s unseasoned food perfectly matched his deer in the headlights personality. He did show a little pizazz when one of the judges called him on his restrained use of spices and he says “I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing.” The whole time I was watching him I couldn’t stop thinking that he probably suck in the sack. I am so sad to hear that my favorite hobbit Kevin broke up with his wife.
Why does Padma sometimes dress like a pregnant hooker??? Black lace is just not appropriate.