TOP CHEF PHOTOCAP: Bathrobes, Breakfast, and One Awful Soup

Top Chef returned last night after a one week hiatus, and I’m happy to report that it was well worth the wait. Both the Quickfire and the Elimination challenges were highly entertaining, and even if Gail was absent, there was much to enjoy. First off, we had Padma eating breakfast in bed, bathrobe and all. And she wasn’t alone. Joining her was none other than Nigella Lawson, also wrapped up in a robe and shoved under the blankets of a separate bed. Don’t think for a moment though that either lady had an inch of bedhead. They may have been enjoying breakfast, but they clearly were done up to the nines with hair and makeup.
Anyway, Nigella proved to be a highly entertaining add-on to the panel this week. I’ve actually never seen one of her shows, but might I suggest swapping Toby out for her next season as the official Gail alternate? After all, she earned massive points from me at the Judges Table when she likened panna cotta to the quivering inner thigh of a 17th century courtesan. Had Toby attempted the same analogy, it would have come off as forced and insufferable. Nigella, though, she’s just a funny lady.

Aside from the presence of Ms. Lawson, I also enjoyed the Elimination challenge quite a bit. The chefs were all assigned a casino at random that would inspire their next dish – an hors d’oeuvre that would be served at a cocktail party in Vegas. Soon, everyone headed off to their own cozy parts of the Strip, and we watched as Robin ooohed and ahhhed at a glass sculpture at the Bellagio while Bryan snagged a stuffed dolphin for his kid. Eli, meanwhile, was stuck with the decidedly low-end Circus Circus casino / nightmare, and not only was he incapable of finding the circus, he seemed unable to translate the casino’s theme into food. First he complained that the hotel had no fine dining (thankfully prompting one of the Voltaggios to remind him that he wasn’t supposed to be inspired by their restaurants). Then he seemed to struggle translating circus fare into upscale food, ultimately concocting a vicious looking soup of candied apple, peanuts, white chocolate, and emulsified popcorn. Needless to say, it was not well received.
Honestly, it seemed as though Eli may have had the easiest options in front of him. Why not do a high-end corn dog? A classy cotton candy (as is famously done at Los Angeles’s much-lauded Bazaar restaurant)? A peanut something or another? Basically, anything would have been better than taking a random assortment of circus foods and lumping them together in a nasty soup.
Working in a similar milieu (to better effect) was Michael Voltaggio, who opted to make a high end chicken wing in an effort to capture the spirit of New York, New York Casino. The dish, which ultimately won the challenge, looked delicious, but I couldn’t help feeling as if the inspiration behind it was a bit muddled. Wings, after all, are the signature dish of Buffalo, which is in New York but far from New York City. I figured Michael would go the pizza or meatballs or hot dog route, but I guess it really doesn’t matter since he won anyway (and besides, I’m not sure the judges really had much commentary about the role of the “inspiration” in the dishes).
As for Jennifer, she continued to languish, clearly having fallen off her game since the travesty that was Restaurant Wars. I keep waiting for her to get her act back together as she was fairly amazing for most of the season, but as one of the judges noted, the show is a marathon, and she may have hit the wall. It’s a shame really. She was the last hope for the women. Plus, I told my friend to pick her to go all the way in an office pool; so there’s that too. Anyway, Jennifer seemed stumped by her casino, Excalibur, ultimately opting for a “Sword in the Stone” themed steak bite. The meat wasn’t cooked well, and Tom commented that unlike Jennifer’s dish, Medieval cooking is highly spiced to cover gaminess, which was a fun tidbit to learn. Personally, I thought she should have done something very British and oversized — like a turkey leg or something. Maybe something involving mead. Then again, there’s a reason why I’m a writer, not a chef.
Despite poor showings by Jennifer and Eli, however, it was Robin who flunked the challenge the hardest. She headed off to the Bellagio and became so enamored with the famous glass ceiling sculpture that she decided to replicate it in the form of panna cotta. Too bad she a) had little experience with panna cotta, b) had little experience with sugar work, and c) had never really done anything like this before. I practically smacked myself on the head when she happily announced that she really wanted to try something new. WOMAN, you’ve been doing that all season to disastrous effect! Alas, my hopes for an underdog success story were dashed when her panna cotta was overly stiff and unimpressive. Nigella Lawson was particularly dismayed, noting that panna cotta “really is child’s play, isn’t it?” Ah, the withering sting of Nigella. She must join next season. MUST.
And so Robin’s ticket was finally punched. Her unlikely run on the show came to an end, and we were down to four impressive chefs (and Eli). Now things will get really interesting.
In the meantime, here’s the photocap…

“Hello, this is Padma Lakshmi. My dear friend Gail Simmons got into the minibar this morning and exhausted our supply of Peppermint Schnapps. I’m afraid I need a custodian.”

“I totally have this Quickfire. After all, who wouldn’t want to eat something called Shit On A Stick??”

“Oh wow. Nigella Lawson. This is so exciting. Can’t you tell? I’m very excited. So very excited. I can’t control myself.”

“Hello, this is Padma Lakshmi again in room 3211. You wouldn’t happen to have any sedatives, would you? My dear friend Gail Simmons has spent the better part of the hour trying to gnaw her way through an ice bucket, bless her heart.”

“I’m so inspired by everything here. I can’t wait to get into the kitchen and just WRECK it all!”

“Oh look! There’s Gail Simmons! Gail! GAIL! It’s me! Jennifer! What are you doing down there? Why are you climbing over the barrier? GAIL! Get off the stage! Put down that turkey leg right now! GAIL! There’s a jouster coming right at you! GAIL!!!!”

“Hello. This is Padma Lakshmi again. I’m afraid my dear friend Gail Simmons has gone missing. Last we saw of her, she was running up and down the hallway waving a Twizzler over her head like a lasso. If you could send someone to find her… Yes, Animal Control would be perfect.”

“I rather like this cocktail as it tastes as tart and refreshing as the supple bosom of an 18th century scullery maid.”

“It’s a shame my dear friend Gail Simmons couldn’t be here this evening for the challenge. Rumor has it she’s digging her way through the all you can eat waffle bar at Terribles Casino, bless her heart.”

Eli: “In honor of tonight, I’m going to make a special cocktail: champagne with caramel, candied olive purée, a touch of bechemel, and emulsified lemongrass on top.”

Eli: “So… you guys didn’t like my peanut and apple and white chocolate soup? Let me make it up to you. I’ll whip up a batch of Eli’s famous mango, turnip, butterscotch, sardine stew — with a nectarine dome!”

Robin: “I just want to say it’s been an honor to make barely edible crap for you every week.”

Padma: “It was lovely meeting you, Robin. And if you happen to encounter my dear friend Gail Simmons at the penny slots, please tell her that her shipment of Ring Dings and Nutter Butters has arrived, bless her heart.”

What did you think about the episode? Like the challenges? Like Padma in bed? What about Nigella?