SURVIVOR PHOTOCAP: Pulled The Buff Right Over Their Eyes!

Oh man. Survivor has been so good lately. Don’t get me wrong — I’ve LOVED this season as a whole, but now that the two tribes have merged, the individual game has kicked into overdrive, which means there’s more scheming, tricks, and shenanigans than ever before. Last week’s ep, which I didn’t write about since I was traveling, was a beautiful tangle of manipulation, which ultimately sent a cocky Erik home while simultaneously flushing out Russell’s immunity idol. It was great TV to watch, but we also knew that without his safety net, Russell, a.k.a. the show’s star, would be going home very, very soon.
However, when last night’s episode opened with the prickly Laura declaring that Russell was getting voted off the island next, I couldn’t help feeling doubt. Mark Burnett would never telegraph the final vote in the first thirty seconds. Or would he? Don’t read on if you want to avoid spoilers…

Sure enough, Russell wasn’t about to go down without a fight. While half the tribe was off on a reward, Russell rummaged around camp until he remarkably found the second (or third, technically) immunity idol hidden under a bridge. Unbelievable. Meanwhile, those out on the reward received a message that a new idol was hidden at camp (or WAS hidden). Since the group consisted of all former Galu members, they decided to keep this info to themselves, lest the idol fall into the wrong hands (which it already had).
Nevertheless, as the Galu army proudly clucked around camp, sure that they were in control, Russell hatched a plan with Shambo: he would ensure that everyone would vote for him, then play the idol, and then direct the Foa Foas to vote out Laura. It all seemed perfect… until Mick and Shambo amazingly let Laura win immunity. Well, it wasn’t intentional, but seriously, all these two had to do was place blocks into similarly shaped slots — not a terribly challenging demand. I mean, last time I looked, the whole shapes-in-holes thing was a staple of BABY TOYS.
Well, Shambo attempted to push any block into any hole, which was highly ineffective, and Mick just stood there, seemingly memorizing the contours of every shape and angle on the board. Laura, however, got to work and zipped by the other two (despite them having a lead) and soon made short work of the puzzle. She won immunity, and then it was time for Foa Foa’s plan B. Take out Monica! Or wait… take out Kelly! Kelly? Who’s Kelly.
Oh KELLY! The blonde girl with the nasty hair who never says anything. Yes, Shambo came up with the idea of targeting the Kellster because she’s so under anyone’s radar that it might be worth knocking her off now (as opposed to Monica, who will likely dig her own grave). Meanwhile, the former Galus rallied together and opted to go after Russell. Monica actually voiced concern that the oil man might actually have the idol, and maybe they should stagger their votes to ensure safety, but Dave shot her down with the sort of arrogant bravado that has done in many a Survivor contestant in the past. It actually drove me quite mad. I mean, I wanted Russell’s plan to go through, but I absolutely despised Dave’s dismissive ways. I’ve dealt with too many people like that, and they all make me want to go Natalie on them (a.k.a. murderous, bloodthirsty).
Anyway, Tribal Council came around, and I’ll admit I had no idea what was going to happen. Were the Galus going to vote out Russell? Or were they going to switch to Natalie last second, thus rendering the plan useless? And if the idol were to be played, who would Foa Foa attack? Kelly? Or Monica? Clearly Kelly was the misdirection. After all, we knew nothing about her. The producers hadn’t even touched on her backstory once this entire season. Monica, however, had already babbled about summers in Puerto Rico at the reward. We all know the rule of thumb: if a person gets any sort of biographical spotlight, they’re DUNZO.
But oh, this Tribal Council was a blindside in the truest form. The Galus voted against Russell, and Russell played the immunity idol, causing angry glares from Laura (and a few head shakes from the others). Monica cupped her hands around her mouth, knowing the tables had suddenly turned on her, but as the uncharacteristically pounding music blared even louder, Jeff read the first Foa Foa vote: KELLY. Yes, the blonde, dreadlocked girl with no discernible personality or back story was summarily ejected from the tribe, and she could not have looked more surprised. It was one of the biggest blindsides of all time. How does this show still do it?
Anyway, on to the photocap…

“Hey y’all, it’s a rat! And look how cute he is! I think I might bash his head in until blood pours out of his eyeballs, y’all!”

“DIE DIE DIE!!!”

“Hey y’all, look! I killed a rat. It was easy! Like the first time I slit a hobo’s neck, y’all!”

John: “Kelly, hurry up!”
Kelly: “What? It’s not like if we lose I’m going home tonight or anything.”

“Hey y’all, don’t worry about losing the reward because I killed a wild boar for us!”

“Awww, that boar looked so sad when I bludgeoned him to death with a coconut shell, y’all.”

Dave: “Omg omg omg, Kelly! There might be children at the reward!!!”

“What a wonderful reward! I feel so very carefree! But that may just be the security of knowing that I’ll be safe at Tribal Council.”

Dave: “Do you think it would be bad to serve this beer to children? You know, just to loosen them up a little.”

“I don’t like the way that fern is looking at me. It’s gotta go. Got. To. Go.”

“Hey guys – I’m Prince at the Super Bowl!”

“It’s too easy. Too easy! And just to throw off the others, I’m gonna put a big pile of my poop under the bridge. That way, when they reach in there, all they’ll get is my poop! And they’re so stupid they’ll probably play it. And Jeff will say ‘This isn’t an idol,’ and I’ll say, ‘No, sir. It’s my poop!'”

“Oooh, I snagged a bag — not that it matters as my safety in tonight’s Tribal Council is a foregone conclusion.”

“By the power vested in me, Dr. MICK TRIMMING, I command this grappling hook to grapple! GRAPPLE LIKE THE TALONS OF A MIGHTY EAGLE!”

“Few people know that before medical school, I received a Masters in shape alignment. Just one of the many facets of me, Dr. MICK TRIMMING.”

“Okay, I’m holding a cross-shaped object. Let’s see if it fits in the triangle!”

“I know I could just LOOK at the piece in my hand and then LOOK at the shapes on the board, buuuuut…. just cramming it into any old hole is more fun!”

“Okay, here’s the plan: Russell first, then Natalie, then Jaison, then Mick. And then we find some children. Or we can do that first. What do you guys think?”

Dave: “Listen, we don’t want to suffer from the extreme confidence that did in Erik. And to that end, I think we can conclude that Russell DEFINITELY does not have the second idol. I mean, let’s not even PLAN for such a situation. No need!”

“Shhh shhh. Here comes Russell. Just act normal. So HEY GUYS, did you hear about Natalie disemboweling that monkey?”
“Oh yeah!!!”
“She’s so SAFE!!!”
“hahaha, totally fooled him.”

“Hey Jeff, do you have any extra string? My necklace is a tad too tight. I think the charm’s gonna give me an accidental tracheotomy.”

“Ugh. Just get on with the votes, Jeff. Russell is CLEARLY going home.”

“I’ll just sit here quietly as it is clearly evident that my place in this tribe is secure.”

“I wonder if I should mention the giraffe I strangled with my hands. That was hard, y’all!”

“But that giraffe’s fresh blood smelled so lovely. Mmmmm….”

“Hmmm… Russell played the immunity idol. Sucks for Monica!!!”

“Whyyyy I oughtaaaaa…”

“I just farted.”

Kelly: “Oh MAN! I didn’t think anyone knew my name!”

“That no good goddamn sonofabitch bastard asshole…”

Jeff: “Kelly, we barely knew ya. Seriously. I thought you were a production assistant or something. You were a cast member all this time?”

What did you think about the episode? Did Foa Foa target the right person?