Last night’s Top Chef: Las Vegas was that most hallowed of episodes: Restaurant Wars — a.k.a. the time when half the cast embarrasses themselves beyond reprieve. Sure enough, we had some major bombs by some very accomplished chefs, but on the flip-side, there were some astounding offerings too. Tom Colicchio even noted that the Restaurant Wars winning team was the best “restaurant” they’d ever had on the history of Top Chef (and looking at those dishes, I can see why). I won’t give anything away in this paragraph, but needless to say, it was a fun episode, and if I weren’t so lazy, I’d go more in depth about it. But alas. I’m lazy.
After the jump, a photocap of the show.
Robin: “This relay race is very–“
Eli: “Shut up, Robin. Just SHUT THE HELL UP.”
“But–“
“SHUT UP!!!”
“I–“
“YOU’RE NOT MY MOTHER!!! WHO I LIVE WITH!!!”
“You know, you don’t have to use your eyes to sense Robin screwing everything up.”
“We are totally gonna rock Restaurant Wars! Hey, here’s an idea. Let’s make our theme CRAPPY FOOD.”
Michael: “Eli, you have that really douchey outfit, right?”
“Right.”
“Cool. Then you can be front of the house.”
“What about our name?”
“I was thinking Nausea.”
“No, how about Repugnant?”
“Diarrhea.”
“Pus-filled Wound.”
“Vaginal Flow.”
“Heinous.”
“Barf.”
“Colostomy Bag.”
“Abortion.”
“No, no. I got it. REVOLT.”
“Yeeeeeeaaahhh!”
Robin: “I was thinking of maybe a modern take on the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You know, because I’m like the mother here.”
Michael: “Yeah, the mother we HATE.”
Bryan: “I was thinking I could make a ganache of some sort.”
Michael: “Shut up, BRYAN! Why do you always have to be so BOSSY!?!!!”
Tom: “Hey chef, any chance you can turn this heat lamp down? My head is BURNING UP.”
“Damn, I look good.”
“I should inform you that my dear friend Gail Simmons will not be joining us this evening. When she heard it was Restaurant Wars, she rushed to the army and enlisted, requesting to be on the platoon that raids Sizzler, bless her heart.”
Padma: “I’m afraid the halibut just wasn’t very good. I mean, I’m sure Gail would have loved it, but let’s be honest. You could serve a broiled tube sock to Gail, and she’d love it. Bless her heart.”
Toby: “I found it to be rather unpleasant, not unlike the grime one finds lurking at the bottom of a toothbrush cup after three neglectful fortnights of humidity during the hottest months of the British Summer.”
“Welcome to my bar. My dear friend Gail Simmons was going to join me, but last I heard, she was jousting for a turkey leg at Sir Galahad’s Pub in the Excalibur, bless her heart.”
“That was a bad play. There’s gonna be some finger pointing in THAT locker room!”
What did you think about Restaurant Wars? Did the right person go home?
I love your faux Padma dialog, and so does my dear friend… Jeff Timmons.
Best Restaurant Wars maybe because all they had to do this time was focus on the food instead of decorating the restaurant, picking out tableware and linens, and all that other extraneous nonsense as in the past.
I think it was okay to send Laurine home. She would be gone in the next episode, or two or three, anyway. I keep hoping one of the Voltaggio assholes will bite it but I guess I can wait for that inevitable occurrence. My dream finale is to see both of them make it to the Final Three. And both lose to Kevin.
Hate Padma. Love her necklace. Miss Gail.
this season is so lackluster. Where is the Fabio? Instead, all we have to root for is Yukon Santa Kevin and tough-girl Jen. I refuse the root for the Voltaggii because nthey are so douchey, monotone, sunburned, know-it-alls who wouldnt dared to be talked down to by anyone. I really dont like the way they are handing the win over to the brothers. Yes, they may be talented, but they are some of the most boring reality tv contestants ever. The show is shoving them down our throats every chance, and I do not like it. Its almost as bad as that one cycle of Top Model with Saleisha, who had already done a ton of modelling before, where it was obvious from the first episode that Tyra was gonna hand her the win, even if there were half a dozen other girls that deserved it more. But kudos to Robin for holding her ground, making a better dish than half of the competitors. I hope she outlasts the snotty kids Eli, Mike I, and the younger Volt (whichever one that is. they lack any kind of personality that would distinguish themselves from each other – I guess until this episode where they tried to play up Michael’s asshatery).
is anyone else sick of the Volts? by the way, I posted something along these lines over at the forums of TWoP a couple of weeks ago and got not one, but TWO warnings on my account for being rude… to a reality show contestant! and for having a misspelled word. They are freakin nazis over there in the forums. The whole thing make me hate the Voltagii even more
I agree TWOP moderators are nazi’s. I had 3 strikes in a one week span, and then got banned.
remember whe TWOP was just a handful of friends running the site, making fun of shows? Now its a corporate entity, and if you commit such an offense as mispelling 2 words in a post or asking where a previous recapper has gone or making fun of a character/person on TV (which is what the site used to be all about), or asking/mentioning in a post that you got a warning about something is a bannable offense.
You’d think they’d want to keep long-time readers, not nit-pick them into leaving the site altogether, as they seem to have pushed all the good recappers away (save for CouchBaron, Jacob, and DrunkenBee, all the good, snarky, REAL recappers are gone). Maybe we need to make a site that is for TWoP site outcasts.
Or we can congregate here.
Just checked out TWOP to see what you all are talking about. I didn’t bother with the forums and comments. The actual recaps are so flat, boring, and poorly written, it was a quick click right back out.
Ironic they would get on commenters about spelling errors when I found spelling, grammar, and/or syntax errors in each of the three “recaplets” I read.
What is TWOP?
Last time I checked, you win Top Chef through your food and culinary skills.
Just because the V-brothers are boring, it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t win or haven’t deserved to win the challenges. They cook great food, that’s why they’ve been killing the show. And Kevin too!
“Last time I checked, you win Top Chef through your food and culinary skills.”- not when your name is Ilan. He was definitely not the best chef in his season, but he brought the drama. I think that Eli is the Ilan of this season.
TWoP is the website Television Without Pity.
FYI – for those seeking refuge from TWoP, feel free to use the forums here at bsideblog!
YES! The forums have been alarmingly little used of late!
Regarding the TVWoP brouhaha — it sounds like a similar thing recently happened over on Slate magazine’s Fray forum. People got banned or their posts curtailed (one person was no longer able to post using paragraphs!) So then all the best and snarkiest commenters just fled and started their own collective blog, The Fly — http://www.theflymagazine.blogspot.com/