SURVIVOR PHOTOCAP: The Raw Deal

Despite a general lack of strategizing and scheming, last night’s Survivor got back on track with an icky but wonderful food challenge and some nifty high jinks from its irascible cast of characters. First, on Galu, we had a bunch of numskulls who couldn’t light a fire to cook the barbecue they had won after having down various seafood cocktails at the reward challenge (actually, Dave could light a fire, but he opted to be passive-aggressive and unhelpful instead). By the way, let’s talk about that reward challenge for a minute, shall we? It certainly looked nasty, but for as gross as it was, I imagine most viewers were positively entertained by the perverse glee Jeff Probst had in preparing his wretched raw fish smoothies. I’m also not gonna lie: some of them looked kind of intriguing to me. Hey, if I hadn’t eaten anything for two weeks, I’m pretty sure I’d be down for an octopus and sea slug cocktail. Then again, easier said than done.
Anyway, Jeff happily mixed together various fishy ingredients with an assortment of liquids — milk being his most favorite — and yes, he was sure to leave the beverages as chunky as possible. Gagging ensued, but it was ultimately Ashley from Foa Foa who proved to be the only one incapable of keepin’ the frutti de mare down. She blew chunks in the bushes and cost her hapless tribe the win. If only that were the least of their problems.

With their heads hung low (as usual), the Foa Foa peeps headed back to camp with Shambo in tow (once again, the mullet enthusiast was temporarily kicked off her tribe, with Russell S. using the excuse that she had to suffer the consequences of losing a chicken). This was all fine and good as everyone on Foa Foa seemed to like Shammy, but when she curiously opted to read her immunity idol clues out loud — clues that all but pointed directly at the tree where Russell had found the powerful trinket — things started to get a bit tense. You see, there was no immunity idol in the tree, and it became obvious that someone had found it. Some suspicion fell on dearly departed Ben, but Liz (another favorite of mine) was a bit too wise to fall for that. She rightly suspected that Russell had procured the object, but rather than quietly hatch a plan, she confronted him about it. Not smart. Why show your cards, Lizzy?
What Liz didn’t realize was that Russell had already started a stealth campaign against her because he too perceived that she was too smart to not be a threat. Yes, it was looking like we might be heading towards a battle of the schemers, but alas, a torrential rainstorm suddenly arrived, forcing all the Foa Foa members into their meager hut (oh yeah — they lost immunity too). No one wanted to venture into the rain, and no one wanted to talk game in front of the whole tribe; so what did they do? They just sat there. Russell’s anti-Liz campaign came to an abrupt halt, and Tribal Council wound up being a crapshoot, more or less. Sure enough, everyone went the safe way and voted against the weak player — in this case, Ashley. And thus her gag reflex killed her shot at a million dollars as she was sent off into the Samoan wilderness, never to be seen from again.
Anyway, on to the photocap…

“Gather round, young squires. I, Dr. MICK TRIMMING, have a message from Hermóðr, the Norse god of war! Oh wait, it’s just from Jeff. He says hi.”

“Sometimes I weep when I think of small animals dying. I’m a very tender man.”

“I’d like to dispel the Asian stereotype that we’re all sneaky. I shall do this by casting furtive glances through my shifty eyes.”

Natalie: “Oh gosh, I just got a Slurpee headache. How in the heck did THAT happen?”

“Here, fuckers. Drink up.”
“Jeff, maybe you should try some too.”
“Maybe win an Emmy, and then we’ll talk.”

“This reminds me of this one time when was really horny and saw a donkey standing there, and so I got on my knees and… never mind. Disregard.”

“I’m totally gonna DO this glass!”

“I’m sorry, Jeff. I haven’t even drunken anything yet. I just keep looking at Dave and… oh God. I’m going to lose it.”

“Tastes like old lollipops and coriander. And that’s just my breath! HEYY-O!!!”

“Oh God. This is like that date I had with Brett Michaels ALL OVER AGAIN.”

“This is terrible, Jeff. I swear I’ll never hunt down children again. Never! Just stop making me drink this!!! I beg you!!!!!”

“Shambo misses out on reward because she lost that chicken. It kind of reminds me of one of my favorite Dave Matthews songs, Pay For What You Get. “You paaay for what you get. Doo doo doo do do.” Anyone? Anyone? Shambo on sax! Oh, that’s right. She’s not here.”

“Are any of you listening? Or are you just staring at my giant areolas again?”

“Did anyone see a chicken up in here? Anyone?”

“I don’t trust you, Russell. Although, I suppose I trust you enough to expect that you won’t now come after me. See? We’re not ALL smart!”

“Here. Feel the healing touch of Dr. Mick Trimming.”

“You know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna burn down this shelter and piss in everyone’s canteens. Yeah, that’s a strategy.”

“I’m totes safe.”

“Ashley, GET OUT.”

What did you think about the episode? Do you think Liz will be able to make a power move against Russell? Or are her days numbered?