OMG, as they say. Survivor: Samoa kicked off last night, and I think I’m not being too hyperbolic in saying that it was one of the best, if not THE best, season openers of all time. Sadly, this is probably thanks to Russell H. (not to be confused with gentle, likable Russel S., who may or may not be a lost member of the Dave Matthews Band). Yes, Russell H. has lived up to the hype and proven to be a totally AWFUL villain right off the bat; however, while I instantly hated him, I love that he’s there because truthfully, we would not have had as tense, cutthroat, and totally enjoyable episode to kick off the season. But don’t get me wrong: Russell’s pretty terrible. He burned people’s socks; he emptied water canteens; he told lies about Hurricane Katrina; and he railroaded one of the more likable and bright characters right off the show. Awful.
But the success of this first episode does not squarely fall on Russell’s stocky shoulders alone. The cast as a whole seems to be pretty awesome. Lots of strong, interesting personalities right out of the gate. We have some supremely likable characters — SHAMBO, Russell S., Betsy (the “old” cop, who is also my total favorite), Jaison (pronounced jay-saaahn, I believe), and Marisa. We have some assholes — Ben (the self-proclaimed hillbilly), rocket scientist John, possibly Erik (but he could wind up being cool), and obviously Russell H.. And we have some sass potential in Yasmin (who looks to be getting into a fight next week) and Ashley (who refuses to be called weak, even though she probably is). Oh, and I liked the urban planner Elizabeth who’s loathe to take on Asian stereotypes… unless they’re flattering.
Point is, Samoa is off to a terrific start. Some casts just have “it,” and this one seems to be one of them. Crossing my fingers that the season just keeps getting better. And in the meantime, photos after the jump…
Um, Jeff. There’s a tsunami behind you. Might wanna step inland.
“Hello. I’m Dr. Mick Trimming. And of course I’m going to be the team leader. After all, I’m Dr. Mick Trimming.”
“I’m so honored that you’ve chosen me as the leader. Now, who wants to jam out for twenty minutes? Shambo, you can be on sax.”
“Excuse me, Jeff, but are there any households or schools nearby? I’m kind of obligated to let them know I’m here.”
“Damn. Didn’t get picked for the competition. But that’s okay. It’s probably because they didn’t ask ‘Who’s the biggest ASSHOLE in the tribe.'”
“I object to being labeled as smart just because I’m Asian. However, it should be noted that I am very smart. And Asian.”
“DID SOMEBODY SAY CHITLINS? I’M A-COMIN’!!!!”
Erik: “If no one minds, I’m gonna spend the rest of the game like this.”
“The way Erik fought out there… I was like ‘He’s got his ball, he’s got his chain, tied to me tight, tie me up again.'”
“WELL, I think this is a testament to my Asian smartness, if I do say so myself.”
“Oh my gosh. I’m like dead, man.”
“John, it’s been forty-five minutes.”
“Oh.”
Ashley: “Ew, it smells like feces over here.”
Russell H: “Oh that’s me. I don’t wipe. Makes you weak.”
“Trust Russell? Yeah. Like I’m gonna put my game in the hands of a man who smells like rancid baked beans.”
“What no one realizes is that I’ve hidden twelve Handi-snacks in my mullet. I’ll be good for a looooong time!”
“Look, building a shelter is not rocket science. Literally. That’s why I have no idea what I’m talking about.”
“I totally lied about my dog dying in Katrina. Hahaha. So good. But seriously, all those people in New Orleans are pussies.”
“Everyone, just let me do the puzzle. I’M SMART AND ASIAN!”
John: “Hey guys, anyone wanna check out my erection? Oh, you’re still doing the challenge. My bad.”
Marisa: “Russell, I’m concerned. You seem to be talking to everyone.”
Russell H: “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. Just plottin’ yer murder.”
“Um, Jeff, could we get another stool here or something?”
“Jeff, I don’t know what I did to get a mark on my back, but chances are it’s because I talked back to dickwad #1 and dickwad #2 over here.”
Ben: “You’re the dickwad.”
Russell: “I’m a gonna slit yer neck, woman.”
“Um, I can’t read this.”
Russell H: “Oh, that’s probably me. I just rubbed it in my crotch and let whatever pattern develop. Kinda like one of them fancy Rorschach tests.”
“Whatchu talkin’ about, Willis?”
“I may be smart and Asian, but I did NOT see this coming.”
“I’m a douche.”
“And I’m a dick!”
“Well, I certainly got screwed.”
What did you think about the Survivor premiere? As stoked as I am? Who are your favorites? Who are your least favorites?
I didn’t much approve of Marisa’s hair accessories, but I thought she was one of the smarter girls in that tribe. That alone made her a threat to Russell aka Bulldog (I don’t want to get him mixed up with Russell aka Bob Marley). He probably doesn’t ken to girls who have the brains. She showed him that she had some and that was the end of her.
Yeah, I’m hating Bulldog and I, too, am liking Betsy. I like the way she is taking stock of things before jumping in unlike some of these idiots.
Shambo. She’s a more likeable Scout (from Vanuatu). I don’t hate her yet, though.
Seems like a lot of airheaded youngins and I’m hoping that the older people might stick around a bit longer, well, all except for Bulldog. He may be good for ratings, but he’s a pot stirrer and I just get so irritated by him.
“Excuse me, Jeff, but are there any households or schools nearby? I’m kind of obligated to let them know I’m here.” So, so fricking funny! This was a GREAT photocap!
While little Russell is just horrible and cruel, he will probably be the most interesting character on the show. Coach was just an annoying poseur (and AWFUL to watch), but Russell is a diabolical dickhead, who I hoped would be in every scene. I’m really glad he is on the show… watching him will be so bad, but so very, very good!
Eight year-olds dude.
J-Unit!
OMG! You are so awesome. Loved the Photocap. I felt like I already knew the Surviors from your preview. I think this is going to be one of the best seasons in a long time. I think I am going to love Betsy, and I love that Evil Russell is there, just for fun! I hope he stays around for entertainment.
Thanks for all you do! How can your fans support your blog?
Thanks for reading CrazyG. The best thing you can do right now is tell all your friends about the site and keep coming back!
There also a paypal button on the site that you all are MORE THAN WELCOME to use!
So the b-bag Russell’s strategy is to eff with people.? Is that what he said in his casting interviews? “Pick me and I will play puppet master by lying, throwing away vital necessities and burning socks.”
Personally watching his white belly flopping up & down when he runs was enough to make me hurl.
I miss Ozzy.
hb
Okay, the chitlins photo had me spitting water all over my keyboard. If it dies, I will be sending you the bill.
My husband thinks I am NUTS, I was laughing so hard!! Glad to see you have recovered nicely from pneumonia and I cannot wait for the next famous photocap!!
Loved the premiere. In addition to the cast, the location is captivating. How freakin’ gorgeous is Samoa?
Shambo’s mullet and Betsy’s womans intuition should form an alliance like, right now. They could rule the world!
You had better make sure the “D” key is lubed up for this season. I predict douche & dick (or a variation of either) to appear a minimum of 5 times per recap.
“Just plottin yer murder”. Why is that so funny to me?
This is the best recap I’ve ever read and the photcaps–just awesome.
I think you are great! The photocaps are fabulous.
Why thank you Betiann!
For some reason that episode totally creeped me out, like it was leading up to a snuff film or something. Russell is just a bit too far down the train tracks to crazy town for my liking.
Hey B! Great recap as usual.
Are you tax deductable?
Great start to the season . . and a great first photocap. I have Natalie in my Survivor pool. After the premiere was over I had to go back and make sure she was actually on the show. Her only screen time was when Russel H. helpfully referred to her as “dumber blonde with long hair”. I’m hoping she’ll fly under the radar for a good long time.
Loved this episode, love finally getting to see Jeff again, he is awesome and HOT! Congrats to him for his Emmy!
Love this site, wish I had found it sooner.
Loved: Step inland Jeff – he looked like he was going down!
Loved: Can we get another stool – hahahahaahah
Great start to the season looking forward to it – I think it will be a good one.
Looking at Russell (douche), I see a meaner and more evil Karl from Slingblade…Under his picture the line “I reckon I’m gonna have to get used to looking at pretty people, hmmmm”
I am not sure how long I can watch if they dont figure out his game and quick. I also wonder why he didnt called out for tampering with peoples personal belongings. I thought that was not allowed. Did anyone notice that it appeared Jayson had socks on for the Immunity Challenge after all? Do you think they let Russell (douche) burn the socks but gave the contestants new ones anyway?
Great recap B-Side – looking forward to a season of them! Glad you are feeling better!
Wow, I haven’t laughed so hard at a photocap in quite some time. Loved the Dave Matthews reference. So true, so true.