After a summer of suspense, The Hills returned for its fifth season last night (although, I can swear there’ve been about thirty), and the big news was that Kristin Cavallari had stepped in to take the place of Lauren Conrad’s starring role. This wasn’t the first time Kristin has ascended to the spotlight. Back in the day, she took the reins from LC on Laguna Beach, and quite honestly, she rocked — turning the silly show into watercooler conversation. I’m not sure she can quite do the same this time around, but that’s less Kristin’s fault and more the result of the aging show, which has focused more and more on the growing entourage of boys and girls hanging onto these MTV stars. Whereas we used to have a core of girls with a few sidekicks to spice things up, we now have a full posse of Hollywood douches and idiots — Brody, Frankie, Sleazy T, Jayde, Stacie The Bartender (whose official title on the show is literally “The Bartender”), Stephanie, Justin Bobby, etc. etc. The list goes on, and it gets worse the deeper you get into it.
The good news is that Kristin is great. She IS a bitch, and she’s gonna have fun with the situation. Already in the first episode she told Stephanie Pratt to shut the fuck up, and if that’s not a wonderful thing, I don’t know what is. Sadly, she seems drawn to Justin Bobby, whose mangy beard must have several organisms burrowing inside of it by now. Sure, he’s no Joaquim Phoenix, but he’s heading in that direction very soon. I just hope that Kristin’s romantic overtures toward him are based solely in pissing off Audrina because I’m not sure I have it in me to see her truly fall for this dirtbag. Then again, I don’t think I have it in me to see her fall for any of the dudes in this group — especially not Brody, who continues to elongate his “L” sounds in the most douchey of ways (ie. “relayytoinship”).
Nevertheless, Kristin looks like she’ll be keeping this season a bit spicier than usual, and I’m most excited to see her confrontation with the Jager-chugging Jayde, who seems about one tattoo away from jumping on the Rock of Love bus, if you know what I’m saying (she’s trashy). Sure, The Hills is far past its prime, and it certainly draws more disdain than guilty pleasure these days (my heart has moved on to The City), but I’ll still be following.
After the jump, a photocap of the premiere….
I don’t understand why they didn’t do like they did with Laguna Beach when Lauren left and Kristen took over, meaning, rather than force Kristen into Lauren’s old life, we just started following Kristen’s life and her social circle. I think we could have lived without these awful people we’ve been dealing with these past seasons. Plus think about it…we could of had a new Roz!
Stacie is now cast?! Who’s next – Frankie’s Proctologist?
As for the drama queen in jeans cutoffs: predictable. However I am hoping for a Jayde/LC replacement throw down.
hb
Brody is now known as “Kristin’s ex-boyfriend.” Really, MTV?
And when Jayde asked why they broke up (sidenote: Jayde should not be allowed to talk), I wanted him to say “because I started banging Nicole Ritchie.”
I’m thinking Justin Bobby is less Joaquim Phoenix and more Eddie Vedder-esq. Either way he disgusts me. I would have to have a whole lotta Patron in order to invite him in my bed, Kristin you ho!
I dont watch this show so there are too many blondes with way too much makeup on for me to tell the difference. Could you maybe in the future label who is doing the talking in your pictures? (I swear, I’m not a Dumb Bitch or trying to criticize you. I enjoy your recaps of all shows, whether I watch them or not) Thanks!
I cannot WAIT for the Jayde/K.Cav fight, yesssssss!
The crazy girl who emails about your “recraps” needs to get a clue, this show has evolved into such a piece of crap that it is only worthy of a quick photo recap.
Justin Bobby only looks good from faraway. There must be a name for that.
Christin, men like that are usually called “monets”.
So… I heard Kim’s ex-publicist from Real Housewives Atlanta say (on the Wendy Williams radio show) that Big Poppa’s son is on The Hills. Does anyone know who he is???
Also – at dinner when Kristen said, “she is clearly in love with you†she looked like she was one second away from falling off her chair. Oh drunk dialing Audrina and telling her who is going to help her break in her new bed. She looked so drunk – and then completely sober the next sec. oh well. I would probably have to do about 5 shots myself to get through that date.
fighting over Justin Bobby? REALLY!?!?!
I thought K-Cav had more game than that – so disappointing
I DVR’d this episode JUST to watch Kristin bitch out Audrina and Stephanie Pratt. Then I erased it.
One question, just HOW MUCH collagen has Stephanie had injected into her face. Egads.