BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: The One Where Natalie Falls Into A Pool Of Her Own Vomit

Shocking news: CBS actually put up some stills from the latest episode of Big Brother. Actually, they’re more like professional photos, clearly taken behind the mirrors. Not great, but better than nothing. Most of the pics center around the endurance competition for HOH, which Russell eventually won after striking a deal with Jeff to keep him and Jordan safe for the week. Prior to that pact, however, we were subjected to watching the houseguests twirl around in a circle, occasionally getting beaten by a giant, foam-covered phallus, or as Julie Chen called it, “diploma.” In other words, it was awesome. Watching the likes of Chima and Lydia getting tossed around like two pieces of flotsam in the ocean was oddly satisfying. Less satisfying but significantly more disturbing was watching Natalie gag and vomit from on high, surely spraying the backyard with a week’s worth of Sunny D and marshmallows and whatever else it is that eighteen year olds consume. CBS thankfully did not show her actually puking, but they were kind enough to provide us with a full aural experience. I was shocked the music supervisor didn’t chime in with one of those annoying “Wah wah waaaah” sounds that have been flagrantly over-used this season (what’s next? A slide whistle?).
Anyway, as unpleasant as it was to watch Natalie blow chunks on the astroturf, it was perversely amusing to know that seconds later, she dropped from her swing, landing squarely, I’m sure, in a puddle of her own bile. She probably could have avoided it, but she dangled onto her swing for so long that I’m fairly certain her legs dragged through any barf that may have been out there. Poor Jessie seemed displeased with this outcome. For the first time this season, he was actually looking at a week without any power (and later, he was made a Have Not). Unsurprisingly, this brought out the petulant, crabby, and annoying Jessie we know and love from last year. People have been saying that he’s more tolerable this season, but I guarantee he’ll be a pain in the ass now that he’s sleeping on a slab and relegated to a diet of squid and squash (WHICH, by the way, sounds delicious). The good news is that I’m sure we’ll soon be receiving some wonderful new Jessie-isms, such as when he declared that he had “built a morale” with the likes of Chima and Natalie. You gotta respect that toe to head.

Anyway, Russell ultimately took the HOH position, at which point everyone crowded around him to kiss his ass. I know there’s a lot of fakery on this show, but this cast as a whole wins the award for Least Smooth Ass Kissing of any season. The worst of which (aside from Ronnie, who is about as smooth as a gravel driveway) was Lydia, who slunk into Russell’s bed and informed him that by the way, he’s really sweet and cuddly and such a good person. And to really drive the point home, she adopted her regressive little girl voice (the same awful one she used when she hosted that veto competition a few weeks ago). In other words, I wanted to shoot my eardrums out with an air horn. I bet she thinks twee music and Michael Cera are the coolest things ever.
Of course, what’s the point of kissing someone’s ass if you don’t disparage others at the same time? Lydia casually mentioned that others had targeted Russell (including herself, but that was omitted), and while I can’t stand her, I must credit her for knowing how to throw people under the bus. Ultimately though, Lydia proved to be a tad too transparent in her scheming, and thankfully, she wound up on the block, which surely means we’ll get to see more of her pouty face (which is slightly different from her hipster indifference, as best exemplified by when she won a flat screen TV during the HOH competition).
Going up with Lydia was none other than Ronnie, but the motives behind this move are still slightly suspect. I can never gauge how Russell feels about the guy. Sometimes he seems to loathe him. Sometimes he seems tolerant. And didn’t they broker a secret deal during Ronnie’s HOH? Whatever happened to that? Either way, I appreciated Russell’s well worded snake-and-mongoose speech (almost as much as I appreciated the way Jeff slanged the word “appreciated” into “appreeeesh.”).
It looks like the tide is turning for the athletes and the awfuls, and assuming that Jeff wins the Coup D’Etat (or Jordan), it looks like some people will finally be getting their comeuppance very soon.
In the meantime, here are some photos:

“I haven’t thrown up like this since I got wasted on my twenty-first birthday!… which hasn’t happened yet on account of the fact that I’m only eighteen, but I imagine that’s what will happen. I have a lot of youthful imagination, you see. Oh, to be a teenager with an overactive mind at the tender age of eighteen, WHICH I AM.”

“UGH. I fell. I hope nothing else crappy happens, you know, like me winning $5,000 or something. How awful.”

Kevin: “UGH. $5,000. Whatever. I’m just going to sit here and not have personality.”

In an unexpected twist, the cast assembles for a spontaneous game of Bedouin Charades.

Jordan: “Hey Kevin, I brought you this paper towel.”
Kevin: “Great. You can just rip me off half of it.”
Jordan: “And how much is that?”
Kevin: “Half.”
Jordan: “Oh… are you saying you want a glass of milk?”
Kevin: “No. HALF. It’s a quantity.”
Jordan: “Quanti-what?”
Natalie: “Jesus, Jordan, didn’t you learn this stuff in school? WHICH I JUST GRADUATED FROM?”

“I hope to build a morale with this pizza. Or as I call it, a pizza-rale.”

Michele: “I still can’t believe I showed my lady waffles to all of you.”
Kevin: “At least YOU didn’t win $5,000. UGH.”
Lydia: “I love this pizza so much, I’m gonna tattoo it onto my thigh.”
Michele: “Isn’t that a bit extreme?”
Lydia: “Yeah. Maybe I’ll just give the HOH a BJ instead.”

What do you think about the HOH results? And the nominees? And who do you think will win the Coup d’Etat?