“We gotta good one for you tonight, America!”
Well, I’ve been slacking on my Big Brother photocaps (pneumonia and all), but I had a little energy today; so I decided to put one together in between naps. Sadly, one of my favorite players of the season has exited the house. I’m talking of course about Russell. He wasn’t my #1, but I always felt he was significantly smarter than he was given credit for; although, this last week showed the limits of his strategy. There were a few ways he could have gone about saving himself once he was put on the block in the Veto Ceremony. First, he could have not yelled and screamed at everyone. I know that was his way of proving to Kevin that he could be a pitbull worth keeping in the house, but really, that strategy was such a long shot, it’s a bit puzzling why he even bothered sacrificing his moral character just for some last ditch play that was most certainly doomed.
A better move would have been to have stayed calm and sweet-talked Jordan. He should have acted like it was all no big deal and then maybe float the idea of blindsiding Natalie. The temptation to see Natalie’s smug little terrier face go slackjawed may have been enough to turn Jordan, especially if Russell could also plant some seeds of doubt about Natalie’s loyalty to J&J. But alas, therein lies Russell’s third major error: he failed to keep Jordan and Jeff suspicious of Natalie and Kevin, who are currently forming the whiniest, brattiest alliance in quite some time. They’re also playing the game exactly the way they should, which is most frustrating of all.
Ah, but who cares? Kevin and Natalie drive me nuts. For the longest time, Kevin was a non-entity, but lately, he’s been bugging me. He just sort of wafts about the house in a mopey state of ennui, hidden in baggy tank tops and cavernous hoodies. At the start of the season, he promised us he’d be some sort of ghetto fabulous force to be reckoned with, but we’ve yet to see any sparks of that personality, save the one or two times an episode when he suddenly remembers his obligations to his persona and whips off a randomly sassy comment in the Diary Room. Most of the time, however, he merely shuffles about, his hands covering his mouth and his eyes in a state of perpetual dread. It’s a bit annoying.
And then there’s Natalie. What else needs to be said about her? She barks like a small dog, sounds like a small bird, and acts like a small child. Kevin, while boring and bland, is at least tolerable. If he wound up in the final two, I would be fine. Natalie, however, needs to go home ASAP. She’s simply too awful. But in the meantime, we’re stuck with her.
After the jump, photos from Thursday’s episode.
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“You guyyysss… I have sunglasses on my head AND my shirt. Is that too much? You guuuuuyyyysssss…“
“OMG, you guyyysssss! I just got saaaaaved. I wish Lydia were here to see this. I miss Lydia. I reeeeeally reaaaaaalllly miss Lydiiaa. You guyyyyyyssss….”
“OMG, Jordan, I’m totally lying to you. You guuyyyysss, I’m lying. I feel so baaaaad. Should I do this? I really don’t know what to dooooo. You guyyyyyssss….”
“You know, my hands feel okay here, but I wish they were a bit higher up on my face.”
“Much better.”
Natalie: “I haven’t celebrated like this since I graduated college… which I never did since I’m an enrolling freshmen and therefore would be unable to graduate college, but of course I dream about it, and this is how it would be. Chalk another one up to that wild teenage imagination, WHICH I HAVE!”
Russell: “I’m so angry. I wish I could just shoot lasers out of my eyes. I guess that’s why they call me Shotgun Unfulfilled Superpowers Russell the Love Mussell.”
“So much to think about. They should call me Shotgun Thinkin’ About Things Russell The Love Muscle.”
“Hey Jeff. Hey Jeff. I swear I will THROW this mug at you. There’s a reason I’m called Shotgun Coffee Cup Killer Russell The Love Muscle!”
Russell: “Hey Jeff, why don’t you ever sit on the couch, huh? Why don’t you ever sit on the couch?”
“I like it up here.”
“Oh SURE! You like it up there. What if I knock you off?”
“Like you could do it.”
“Hell yeah. They used to call me Shotgun Mini Fridge Person Knocker Offer Russell the Love Muscle!”
“Calm down, Jack Tripper.”
“You guyyyssss. I really want to hit the ball into the pocket. You guyyyyyyyyyyyssss…”
“Hey Jeff, why don’t you ask your fatty girlfriend what time it is? Because guess what? She doesn’t know! But I do! That’s why they call me Shotgun Knows What Greenwich Mean Time Is Russell The Love Muscle!”
“Hey, take it easy, Balki Bartokomous.”
“I’m gonna pump out my rage. They should really call me Shotgun Rage Pumper Outer As A Form Of Therapeutic Action Russell The Love Muscle!”
“Take a breather, Harry Weston from Empty Nest.”
“And one more thing, Jeff. You just made the dumbest move of the season! Don’t question me about it. There’s a reason they call me Shotgun He’s Sadly Right Russell The Love Muscle!”
“I’m so ridiculously jacked and tan. Can’t wait to dive into gay porn.”
“Okay, CBS. Here comes the fiery confrontation I promised to all of America!!”
Lydia: “I’m so mad at you, I could BLOW YOU right now!”
Lydia: “I just want you to DO the anger out of me!!!”
“Here we go, America. Meet Shotgun I Guess I’ll Be A Gentleman Now Russell The Love Muscle!”
“I’M SO NERVOUS ALL THE TIME!!!”
“First of all, I’d just like to thank CBS for giving such an amazing opportunity to a teenager right out of high school, WHICH I AM!”
“Second of all, thanks in advance to all the house guests who pledged to vote Russell out tonight. He’s a total animal, and he should know better, given his age — which is remarkably more advanced than mine, given that I’m just an eighteen year old girl, WHICH I AM.”
“I just wanna say no hard feelings; you all are amazing. This was the time of my life. I played the game the only way I knew how, and that involved personal attacks. Hopefully, this won’t be the last you’ll see of Shotgun I’ll Just Pretend I Didn’t Say Any of the Things I Said Russell the Love Muscle.”
“Kevin, are you okay?”
“OMG, Julie, I think I see the ghost of Chima. Oh wait, it’s just a piece of lint.”
“Oh yeah. I forgot that I’m supposed to be sassy once in a while. I vote to evict Russell. SNAP!”
“You guuuuyyyyyss! I was sassy!!!”
“Wow. So now I guess you can call me Shotgun Just Shat My Pants a Little Bit Russell the Love Muscle.”
Fan: “Dear sir, would you ever be so kind to take my hand in marriage? My father has promised us a cottage in Cornwall, near the river that flows from Essex.”
“You know Julie, I go by a lot of names, but I bet you didn’t know I’m best known as Shotgun Desperately Needs a Small Towel or Kerchief Russell the Love Muscle.”
Hey bitch in the back row: stop looking in the camera. WE SEE YOU.
“Calm down, Jack Tripper.”
that’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time! loved the photocap and hope you are feeling better
“Calm down, Jack Tripper.”
That’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time! Loved the photocap and glad you are feeling better
sorry for the double post, my computer is being a Jeff
You are amazing. My wife pointed these out to be a few weeks ago. Pure genius. Keep up the good work.
Jessie was wearing PINK tights w/ stars when Lydia walked in at the jury house! um hell no!
Loved the Chenbot photocap with error messages too.
Thanks for the recap B you are the best! get better k!
you are SO damn funny!
This was soooo hilarious! I loved it! But really Nat isnt 18 … it is in fact her first lie in the house she is 24 some of the HG even know this now! Such as Lydia and Chima Kevin is starting to suspect.
OMG! LOVED IT!!
As usual, LMAO!!! Even not feeling well you are too funny! Hope you get better soon!
I have never commented on any sites related to Big Brother before but I feel compelled to say that you are freakin hysterical and make me lol. Thanks!
I laughed so hard I thought I’d pee my pants. You are truly amazing with your wittiness and sarcasm — I love it!!
Not really funny. Repetitive, I barely cracked a smile. Clearly your ‘sickness’ is obstructing your ability to be witty and funny. Take meds and try harder next time.
You Got Got.
hb
Thank you for addressing that annoying twit in the back row–she was irritating me too and taking my attention away from the Chenbot.
And hey, just to let you know because I know you’ve been sick and all, but Natalie really isn’t 18. Just sayin’…
Um, Chick110 and Tracy-
bside does know that natalie has lied about her age. Thus, he makes fun of her lie every single recap. It’s called really obvious sarcasm.
I love how Jessie always has his adult sized sippy cup.
Gnat is really 24. She is pretending to be 18 in the house.
Mary, I think I’ve been here long enough to realize how B does things. I was making fun of all of the other people who keep telling B that she isn’t really underage. And then yet again, here’s another poster doing the same thing… ^^^
chick110, I was about to take up your cause. But I see you’ve already set them straight. Everybody knows Natalie is only 18. She says it all the time.
You guuuuuuuyyys!!!1 Did you know that Sarah Michelle Gellar smokes?
The age police have hit realityblurred.com too. This is making my gray Monday a little less dreary.
Loved all the sitcom references.
Feel better.
I don’t care how old she is, Natalie is as annoying as she could possibly be at any age. And, for the love of God, could she please wear something other than Arizona State gear. The tomboy schtick is dumb.(Need I say this: Natalie must go NOW.)
B-Side, even when you have pneumonia – you still got it!
ps. Someone posted a link to this latest BB recap in a survivorsucks thread, so I think you got some new fans from it.
Freaking hilarious.
Get well soon, B!
This is either the BEST BB Photocap you’ve done thus far, or I’m really high, I’m leaning to the first…Great Job Bside!
Welcome to the newbies YES Bside is aware Nat is 24
Your blog rocks. I look forward to each update and ROFLMAO every time I check them out. Keep up the fantastic work!
“Calm down Jack Tripper” LOL
Sorry, Chick110. I was hoping that yours was sarcasm, but I have learned to never underestimate stupidness on the interwebs. And quite a few people write dumb things to bside, like the girl demanding for more Hills recaps.
Sorry, Chick110. I was hoping that yours was sarcasm, but I have learned to never underestimate stupidness on the interwebs. And quite a few people write dumb things to bside, like the girl demanding for more Hills recaps.
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