BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: Methinks We've Got A Good Season Going On!

So I go away to the Northwest for five days, and of course all sorts of craziness happens on the Big Brother front. The craziest thing undoubtedly was Julie Chen mentioning me by name on the Internets, but really, that’s just crazy to me, and perhaps not the entire BB viewing population as a whole. Perhaps the most bizarre thing by far to the show’s viewers was Chima’s pointed, bleeped-out speech on live television last Thursday. You know, the one where she called Braden a racist and many other things. She was right — he really is a bigot — but man, I was not expecting her to lash out like that. I guess that’s because we’ve grown used to people turning into wallflowers when it comes to making a final plea for a vote. You know how it goes — most nominees babble away about making friendships and respecting decisions. Boring. Props to Chima for going for the kill.
However, don’t take this as an endorsement of Chima by any means. She’s simply awful. Between her clown lips and her bitchy attitude, she’s darn near impossible to watch. But I guess we need people like that to make this show interesting. Still, I have yet to see any indication that Chima deserves to be in the “brains” clique. Come to think of it — I have yet to see any indication that anyone belongs in the “brains” clique. Ronnie thinks he’s brilliant, but he’s been playing fast and loose, and it’s all gonna bite him in the ass. I didn’t really understand why he screwed over Michele (both by leading her astray with the Chima vote and by then blaming her for voting out Braden), but it seemed like a completely unnecessary move. I think he just wants screen time or attention. Let it be known though that whereas someone like Dr. Will can pull off such shenanigans and be likable, Ronnie merely comes off as a snake. The house will catch up to him soon.

For now though, many of contestants seem oblivious to Ronnie’s threatening presence. They seem to realize that he’s playing both sides, but idiots like Jesse laugh and giggle about it because he thinks his alliance truly has Ronnie’s loyalty. Not a smart assumption. Laura appears to be the only one bright enough to see that Ronnie isn’t just angling for safety amongst two alliances; he’s actively pitting them against each other. I gotta credit Laura — she does strike me as having more going on than those two massive punching bags would imply. Her only problem is that like the rest of her alliance, she seems unable to manipulate a situation in her favor. Yes, her crew seems to be doing nothing more than just sitting around and moping. Not a strong strategy. We did see glimpses of them appealing to Ronnie, with Laura claiming that they would have his back, but people by now should realize that is by far the weakest tactic anyone could make. After all, what’s the difference between Laura pledging safety vs. Jesse? They’re both offering the same thing; so really there’s no compelling reason to keep someone like her over anyone from the other group.
What Laura needs to do is create agitation on the other side of the house. That’s what Russell has been doing, and so far, it appears to be working. I must admit that Russell also is a bit brighter than one might expect. He seems to read people well, but of course, he has overplayed his cards from time to time (that Technotronics fight being a perfect example). I actually like Laura and Russell — I only wish they were on the same side.
I also like Jeff, but he seems a bit ineffectual. He spends half his time looking morose and the other half claiming that he has no power. Of course, he tends to pepper his conversations with many varieties of homophobic slurs; so that’s no good. Truth be told though, he seems like a decent guy, and if someone would just tell him to stop being so offensive, I feel like he might actually change his behavior. Someone who probably would not change, however, is Lydia, who I haaaaaaaate. She’s the one I detest the most this season. Why? Well, she committed the cardinal sin: self-righteousness. Lydia undoubtedly is no slouch in the strategy department, and she certainly deserved to go off on Braden when he called Kevin a “beaner,” but she lost all credibility when she snapped at Jordan for not allegedly being a good friend. It would have been one thing if Lydia revealed that the fight was actually part of her strategy, but from what we could tell, it seemed like it truly stemmed from some bizarre feeling of neglect. Basically, Lydia was upset that Jordan had cried when Braden had gone up on the block. This was offensive to her because when Lydia went up, Jordan hadn’t cried. Seems a bit juvenile.
Anyway, Lydia yelled at Jordan and tried to make her feel guilty, Crazy James style, but when Jordan spoke back, Lydia did my least favorite thing: she told Jordan to stop yelling, claiming that she had been talking in a normal voice all this time. No, Lydia, you were NOT speaking in a normal voice all this time. ARGH! It’s a small point, but the mix of hypocrisy and self-righteousness laden just seems to speak volumes about Lydia. She’s gonna be the one that drives me nuts this season. So I guess that means she’ll win.
Nevertheless, despite all these people I hate, this season seems to be shaping up quite well. There’s been heavy gameplay, and the fact that the house is divided this early is always good news. Plus, that it’s not split down clique lines makes it rather intriguing. I’m certainly excited to see how it all pans out.
This is around when I start my photocap, but sadly, CBS hasn’t put up the pics from Sunday’s episode. Not that it would matter. All the pics so far have sucked royally. The webmasters have eschewed screencaps for random pics from a professional photographer. And that, my friends, is significantly less interesting. It makes me really mad. Then again, that could be residual emotion from the Lydia rant.
Nevertheless, here are some pics from Jessie’s HOH reign. I suppose they’ll suffice.

“Ah, this is relaxing. Just lying here without a care in the world, AS TEENAGERS LIKE ME OFTEN DO.”

“DJ Giggle Trophy in da hizzzouse!!!”

“Consider this our joint application to the Douchebag Academy of Southern California.”

Casey: “I wonder if they know I’m really white.”
Jesse: “I wonder if they know I’m a eunuch.”

Ladies and gentleman, the winner and runner-up of the Douchebag Olympics.

“I’m not flexing. All my muscles just naturally tense up when I pose for pictures.”

“Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.”

“Not only am I a national champion for persuasive speaking, I’m also globally ranked in the art of coy face-making.”

“It’s true: Jesse’s dick is thiiis big!”

“Look, a key! I don’t know how to deal with this responsibility, what with me being a reckless TEENAGER and all!”

“Aren’t I so deliberately offbeat?”

“Me Jesse. Me take pretty lady to cave.”
“I’m not a lady, brah!”
“All the better!”

“Oh yeah, Russell. Lift me up. Lift me up! Get your hand in my crotch and LIFT ME UP!”

“Now DO ME in the ear, Russell!”

“Hahahaha, you totally have a boner, Jesse.”
“Dare you to touch it!”
“Hahahahaha, only if you touch mine!”
“Hahahahaha, okay!”
“Hahahahahaha!!!”
“Nom nom nom nom.”