Earlier this month, NASA commenced the final servicing for the Hubble Telescope, and while the photos of the mission are fascinating, I felt they could use some added pizzazz. What better way to spice up some boring space shots than by adding some nouveau riche women into the mix?
After the jump, I present you The Real Housewives in outer space!
“My mother always told me I should build my own space ship because you never want to be dependent on anyone else’s.”
“I have a space shuttle just like this, except mine is made from MONEY.”
“Someday, I’m gonna take a rocket into space and find a planet that’s covered in nothing but marble and onyx. Then I’m gonna start a TV station there and make Gia the star of every series, including the hit variety show, ‘Marble Etc.'”
“Bethenny, did you put Frangelico signage all over the space shuttle? Because if you did, so help me God…”
“THEY’RE SPONSORING THE LAUNCH!”
“NO! THIS IS A SPECIAL SPACE SHIP FOR ALLLIEEE AND HER SPACE ARTHRITIS!!!!”
“JILL ZARIN, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SPEAK TO ME THIS WAY!”
“I’m not having this discussion. I’m not letting YOU ruin MY shuttle launch!”
“Fine. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too.”
“There. It’s over.”
“My daughter just flunked three classes, crashed her car, and accidentally drowned the pet cat while she was smoking weed. But then she apologized; so we got her this space ship!”
“I use these same tools to make joory.”
“Look at all these phallic objects. I just want to shove them all up my PUSSY. Mama like! Mama like!”
“What an interesting structure. I want to recycle it all and make it into a dress I can wear to the Met!”
“Tamra already had one fighter jet; so I got two!”
“And now introducing the Fall 2009 line for She By Sherayay. Wait a second… Space suits? These aren’t my fashions! Somebody get the seamstress. SHE’S RUINED MY JOY!!!”
“I love spacemen! They can fill up my love tank ANY TIME.”
“Stand back. The shuttle’s taking off, and things can get pretty HOT over there, just like me â€â€Ã‚ the HOT Housewife! Sometimes, when spaceships take off, it gets so hot underneath that I think I’m looking at myself on a launch pad. But then I remember I’m not there  I’m here. And I’m not a space shuttle. But if I were a space shuttle, I’d be the hottest space shuttle you ever saw, on account of all my hotness… which I have.”
“It’s like BAM! We have lift-off!”
“WELL LET ME TELL YOU: don’t get too excited about this space shuttle. Everything’s great now, but soon you’ll get old and fat, and the space ship will stop caring about you and probably blow up when it comes back into the atmosphere anyway.”
“Darling, did this space shuttle just launch from the Cancer Society? NOT AT THE CANCER SOCIETY!! NEVER AT THE CANCER SOCIETY!!!!!!”
“I’m totally gonna blow this penis cloud.”
“She would. Whore.”
“Does anyone know if this cockpit is air conditioned? Anyone?”
“Wow. The sun. It’s like a big ball of ME. Because I’m so HOT.”
“LET ME TELL YOU A SOMETHING ABOUT ZERO GRAVITY: it’s as thick as thieves!”
“It’s a telescope. Big deal. I have a hairless cat. Whoop-dee-doo.”
“Okay, I’m up here, and Earth’s down there.”
“Wait, are we in space? Like space space??”
“There’s a tightrope… between me and Hubble…”
“My name is DeShawn, and this is MY planet!”
“I’m like BAM! Time for a spacewalk!”
“Pardon me. I’m about to conduct Space Class with the Countess.”
“I call this the Skinny Girl Telescope.”
“I don’t like all that orange foil. That’s not classy. This space ship is DÉCLASSÉ!”
“LET ME TELL YOU A SOMETHING ABOUT ORANGE FOIL: it’s beautiful and classy.”
“Foil? Oh, my bad. From far away I thought this was a big pile of orange MONEY.”
“You hear this one? She thinks it’s money.”
“So wrong that she thinks it’s money?”
“Let her think it’s money. See if I care.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
“As a former fake cancer survivor, I feel that I should say something. There’s a tightrope… between me and the foil…”
“BAM! Orange foil!”
“Did somebody mention marble foil?”
“STOP. Everyone. Just stop! Stop. Stop. Stop. Bethenny. Stop. Stop. Stop. STOP.”
“Can I speak?”
“Hey guys? Guys? I think I’m floating away. Are we seriously in space right now? Or is this just the new mall in Mission Viejo? Guys?”
Thanks to jash for sending me the space link.
That’s good stuff.
OMG, this. is. so. amazing.
Thank you for provided a much-needed guffaw, B.
I’m silently crying in my cube from laughing so hard. It was the “BAM! Orange foil!” that got me. Thank you so much.
Oh and, “!!!”
phew, i’m still laughing. all of the nene pics are hilarious!
the Nene pics, and OMG the Lynne pics!! so, so funny
Highlarious!!!!!!!
Bside, that was awesome! I love the “I’m up here, earth’s down there” photocap. Thanks for the laugh!
I can picture their voices in my head as I read the captions (you know what i mean!) That was all kinds of awesome!
PS—RHoNJ gossip: the Cop from ‘Cop without a Badge’ has been speaking to the tabloids, some more dirt on Dani is supposed to be coming out soon (cartel stuff)…
yep–STILL FUNNY
This is BY FAR my favorite bsideblog post, EVER. This was HEELARIOUS!!
Thank you for this- I will be laughing all weekend!
This post provides a humanitarian service. My mother just died. No lie. And this made me LMAO. God bless you. And BAM!
Aw, Susie, you sweet girl. Hugging you and swathing you in virtual joory. This was hy-fucking-sterical. So glad that it gave you a lift.
Susie â€â€Ã‚ I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I’m glad I was able to inadvertently raise your spirits for a little bit.
I laugh so hard I …pee…a….little…
hahaaaaa this never gets old! ‘LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN ABOUT ZERO GRAVITY; it’s as thick as thieves’ that made me lol! genius!