HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Party Time In Jersey!

Last night we had our second dose of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and while they’re not as gabby as their New York counterparts or as catty as the Orange County bitches, they’re well on their way to being outlandish in a certain mafia-fabulous sort of way. At the forefront of that is Teresa, who continues to relish in marble infused gaudiness. Not only is her dream house decked out like the second coming of Leonard’s, but everything she does oozes with nouveau riche excess. Take, for instance, the horrifying trip she took with her daughters to Jersey’s premiere couture outlet, Bella Bambini. Those girls made Johan and François look like precious angels in comparison. And even worse, Teresa makes them all match. And no, not just the kids. The entire family must dress the same. It’s a bit much.
Then we have Danielle, who at times seems surprisingly reasonable and at other, more frequent times comes off like a total crazy. Her life aspirations are simple: she wants someone to take care of her. Yes, she could conceivably get off her ass and find a job, but that’s no fun. So instead this week we saw her courting an alleged twenty-six year old man, and by “courting,” I mean soliciting sex in the bathroom. When the two weren’t doing it in every nook and cranny on the Jersey Shore, Danielle was busy fishing for compliments about her appearance and/or bickering with her ex over her delayed divorce settlement. Unsurprisingly, she didn’t make much headway on the latter front, but if it’s any consolation, she got to patch things up with Dina over their mysterious blow-out from weeks prior. Well, maybe “patch,” isn’t the right word. More like she tenuously applied an old Band-Aid to the wound, knowing full well that in about two minutes time, the tentative peace would completely unstick itself and fall by the wayside.

It’s understandable, really. Danielle said she was going to smooth things over with the younger Manzo, but all she really did was say “I’m sorry” and then kiss her on the cheek repeatedly. Dina seemed less than impressed, and whereas Danielle predicted they’d be amazing friends one day, Dina noted the chances of them ever getting along were zilch. So yeah, that should be fun to watch.
Meanwhile, Dina did little that was terribly interesting this episode. Sure, she organized an event and acted like a bitch, but she didn’t really seem that bitchy — she was no Sherayay Whitfield — and her event wasn’t particularly interesting from a TV point of view. I was unimpressed. We also saw her interview some poor sap who had to feign interest in Dina’s ugly, furless cat (not to mention act like he was cool with not getting a salary some weeks — at least a salary that wasn’t in hugs and kisses form). If I ever heard that, I’d be out the door faster than you could yell “MEAT-A-BALL!”
As for Dina’s older sister Caroline, I’ve found her to be the most endearing of the group. And not just her. I like her whole nuclear family, even if two of the children don’t have the loftiest career aspirations in the world. Their little sausage and potato dinner was all sorts of warm and friendly; although, I fear for the person who leaves leftovers. I can already see Caroline leaning over and warning, “Let me tell you a something about my dinner: IT’S AS THICK AS THIEVES!”
Lastly, we have Jacqueline, who’s sort of the damp towel of the group. I mean, she’s fine and sweet and perfectly affable, but she’s also a bit of a bore. She claimed that she was a disciplinarian, but aside from a few whiny requests of her daughter, I didn’t see it. The big issue in Jacqueline’s life is that she wants to have another baby, but after four miscarriages, she’s scared that she might not be able to. I genuinely felt bad for her, especially when she expressed how every pregnancy now carried with it the stress of losing the baby every day, but I also didn’t understand why, with two perfectly good children, she couldn’t give it a rest and let it be. Who knows? Who cares? At least she had the wherewithal to realize that the birthday party she threw for her son (replete with pony rides, carnival games, a bouncy castle and more) was absolutely ridiculous. That’s more than many of the other moms in this franchise would ever be willing to concede.
Anyway, let’s look at pictures:

“Thank Gawd for Bella Bambini. Now my kids can finally look like Drea De Matteo.”

“You don’t understand. I need this settlement. These boobs won’t implant themselves.”

“Let’s go have sex behind Bella Bambini.”

Danielle: “I don’t want to put you in the middle between me and your sister-in-law, but that being said, can you tell her that she’s a fucking BITCH! And that I love her and want to make things better.”

“As an assistant, would you be comfortable washing this random strip of turf on my table?”

“Seriously, someone get this bitch off me.”

“Okay, Gia, say it again.”
“I’M NOT GONNA PAY A LOT FOR THIS MUFFLER!”
“Perfect!”

“Do you like this? It’s my fertility wig.”

What did you think about the episode? How are your impressions of these people panning out?