“BlllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhH!!!!”
Ack! The American Idol results show will be airing on the East Coast in just a few hours, and I haven’t been able to even complain about last night yet! Well, let’s get started!
First, the judging format: dumb. As Andy Dehnart vehemently observed, even with one less contestant, half as much judging, and one extra minute on the telecast, the stupid show still went late. Don’t penalize the singers or the viewers by muting the judges. We love them. It’s called a stage manager. As in, GET ONE. Someone should be cutting off the judges and keeping the show moving along, and if it’s not gonna be a stage manager, it should be Seacrest. Or how about this: no more dumb interviews on those very uncomfortable looking stools. Better yet, get rid of the cold open (a.k.a. the bit before the credits roll). And here’s one more: don’t waste time with the long intro for the judges. Wait, wait, one more  stop with the super long video packages introducing the mentor of the week. We don’t need a Ken Burns documentary. Seacrest can give us a two line synopsis, and that’ll be fine. At this point, the mentors should be big enough for us all to know who they are anyway, and if you want more background info, put it in the results show. Seriously Fox, get it together.
Ranting aside, let’s look at the singers. Allison Iraheta started the show with “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing,” the first of many ballads last night. She did a good job. Not her best ever, but she’s great overall, and I’m always happy for her. I want to see her in the finals with Kris Allen, who took on that lovely ditty from Once. Randy thought it wasn’t so swell, which was ridiculous because it was super swell. Luckily, Kara said it was one of Kris’s best moments, and I agreed (as did Paula). We’ll just have to imagine what Simon would have said (thanks producers).
Matt Giraud apparently stumbled with that song from Don Juan De Marco. I say “apparently” because I liked it. I guess I was in the minority. The judges faulted him for veering into pop rock again, and while I enjoyed the performance, they were right  he needs to stick to R&B infused pop. Why the hell isn’t he listening to them?
Speaking of not listening, after weeks of being told to do something sassy and R&Bish, Lil Rounds came out and sang… BETTE EFFIN MIDLER? Oy vey. This girl is clueless. To her credit, she injected “The Rose” with a healthy dose of gospel midway through, but why did she wait so long to do that? Why not gospel it up the whole time? Or how about sing an actual gospel song? “Are You Ready For A Miracle?” from Leap of Faith would have been perfect. Not helping matters was that she sounded off. I did like her gospel-ization, but the first half of the song mixed with her flat voice mixed with her inability to truly take the notes given to her has me thinking she could be in trouble. Simon is definitely getting pissed with her now, rightfully so. And she’s getting pissed at Simon. Lil went so far as to snap at him and defend her choices and artistry, but she just doesn’t get it. Simon wrapped it up perfectly when he reminded her that it was still a Bette Midler song.
Faring better was Anoop Dawg, who clocked in a very lovely performance of “Everything I Do, I Do It For You”  although if everything he did, he did for us, then why doesn’t he ever wipe away his upper lip sweat? Because I think we’d all want that. Someone give him a hanky. Anyway, I thought it was nice, despite a horrific opening note. Some of my other fellow viewers (a.k.a. Sly) were not so entranced. Then again, Sly has now announced her endorsement of Adam Lambert to take it all; so that shows you what HER taste level is.
Yes, I just maligned Adam, and while he’s not as awful as theatrical rockers of the past (cough, Constantine), his over-indulgence drives me nuts. Last night, he was actually okay â€â€Ã‚ crooning through “Born To Be Wild” with much-welcomed reserve until the latter portion of the song when he just had to let the monster out. Screaming and caterwauling ensued. The kid knows how to work a stage, and he obviously can sing. He just doesn’t know how to control himself. Plus, I’m still not totally convinced about this whole “authenticity” thing that people are saying about him. I don’t hate Adam as much as I hated Scott, but I do think he’s a product of massive overhype.
Who does that leave? Oh yes. Danny Gokey. For the past two weeks, I’ve nearly forgotten to include him in my recaps. Why? Because he’s forgettable! I like his voice, but his personality is annoying and cloying, and he’s too much a sucker for adult contemporary music. I mean, really. A harp? A harp? I applaud him losing the glasses, but it’s time for him to stop being such a cheeseball. I kind of hope he goes home. Then again, I bet the judges would totally save him. Boo. His friend Jamar should have totally been on the show. Not Danny.
What did you think?
Photo courtesy of Rickey.org