The ladies were workin’ it on last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York City. The show put an emphasis on everyone’s career ambitions  with the exception of Alex, who I imagine was not allowed to bring cameras into the inner-sanctum of Victoria’s Secret where she worked. Of course, it doesn’t matter much now since she’s been recently laid off, but hey, at least we got to see her amazing surprise party this year. And by “amazing,” I mean exceedingly lame. I suppose as a parent, there’s nothing better than spending your birthday with your kids, but does that really qualify as a good surprise? She was headed home anyway. Seems kind of lame, especially given the Third World state of her townhouse. It’s like saying “For your birthday, I’m taking you to a dumpster. SURPRISE!”
Of course, if anyone was upset, it was Simon, who absolutely flipped his lid when his driver ruined said surprise by taking the wrong turn-off to get home. You see, Simon wanted to fool Alex into thinking they were going someplace, you know, cool, but by taking the wrong turn-off, it became very apparent that the car was merely headed back to Brooklyn. This made Simon furious, and he suddenly unleashed a torrent of expletives, causing poor Alex to stare into space like a deer in the headlights. She didn’t know what to do or how to react. She probably should have told her husband “Honey, it’s okay,” but instead she just sat there like a catatonic green bean (if such a thing could exist). Simon really needed to relax. Clearly Alex would figure out the whole Brooklyn thing eventually. The driver just shaved three minutes of delay off the surprise. Not a big deal.
Elsewhere in the city, we caught up with Kelly Bensimon, who gladly informed us about her line of jewelry â€â€Ã‚ or as she called it, “jewry” (not to be confused with the “joory” of Lisa Wu Hartwell on Real Housewives of Atlanta). Anyway, Lady Bensimon bragged to us that her designs had been worn by the likes of Brittny Gastineau, among others, and I couldn’t help feeling bad for this woman. Did she really think that Brittny Gastineau was brag-worthy? Really?
Of course, Kelly brags about everything, including the fact that as former editor of Elle Acessories, she’s seen the most beautiful accessories IN THE WORLD! Who the hell cares? And what sort of achievement is that? She acts as if she was freakin’ Queen Elizabeth receiving royal gifts from the vaults of Burundi. Luckily, we have Bethenny, who’s always able to take Kelly down a peg or two. This week, she made fun of the model’s squeaking “Hi!” voice, something I’ve been mocking quietly for a while now on this blog. Glad to see we’re all on the same page.
Aside from making fun of Kelly, Bethenny tangled with Ramona, who referred to the natural foods chef as an underdog in need of help. It was fairly insulting, but classic Ramona. Unlike the Countess, however, Bethenny bit her tongue and no wild confrontation ensued. Things might have been different had they been at Hope Lodge. I mean, really Ramona. NOT AT THE CANCER SOCIETY. NOT AT THE CANCER SOCIETY!!!
Ramona, meanwhile, proved that maybe marketing wasn’t her thing by revealing her new skincare line, Tru ReNewal. This is not to be confused with True Faith, her husband’s religious jewelry line. Granted, they’re all the same brand, but God forbid they have the same spelling. It’s like having Pepsi and Diet Pipsi. Doesn’t make sense. And don’t get me started on the uppercase “n” in “ReNewal.”
As for Jill, she proved to be as hilarious as ever. When she wasn’t chasing her “psycho dawg” all around Zaaarin Faaabrics, she was posing for Traditional Home Magazine, which apparently has taken an interest in glittery apartments that embody the spirit of Elvis in his final months. Needless to say, the editor seemed a bit overwhelmed, especially when Jill started talking about PPs (a.k.a. private planes). Blushing ensued.
Of course, this was also an opportunity for Brad to unleash his inner-awfulness, something we’ve seen increasingly more of this season. I bet he’s been harassing and annoying the producers, angling for more screen time and a spin-off. That’s probably why we’ve only seen the absolute worst of him. It’s no accident that the producers let Jill’s dismissive line, “He’s an old gay,” make it to air.
On the other side of the spectrum is Bawwwbby, who everyone loves â€â€Ã‚ for good reason. He bought Jill a Mercedes SUV for her birthday, going so far as to even attach a bow (or as Jill called it, “a bowwwww”). It was love at first sight, but then at second sight, the car got a big FEH as Jill discovered it had no iPod or iPhone compatibility. Next thing we knew, Bobby was saying he’d keep it for himself and buy Jill something else. So much for consolidating vehicles (which was the whole point of getting the SUV in the first place). If any other housewife in the franchise made a stink like this, I’d call her a whore. But since it’s Jill, and she’s great and lovable, I just laughed it off with a smile. My morals are screwed up.
Anyway, I could talk about Countess LuAnn, but she was unremarkable this episode; so instead, let’s just go to the photocap…
