The gig is up for one more underwhelming performer on American Idol, and I don’t think I’m spoiling anything by saying that the person going home was not Scott. Clearly you already knew that because had the blind one been ejected from the competition, surely banners would be flying and parades marching all through the metaphorical Times Square of this blog.
But alas, it was not so. I did, however, take solace in knowing that the person who did go home most certainly deserved it. I’m talking, of course, about (SPOILER ALERT!!) the one and only Megan Joy. Just as I had predicted back in the Wild Card round, the competition became too much for her. She simply couldn’t keep up, and while I appreciated the variety she brought to the show (both in terms of voice and vagina), it was evident early on that she wouldn’t be able to bring much to the table, and appropriately enough, she struggled week after week with poor song choices. It’s kind of a shame that she got to stick around whereas the likes of Alexis Grace didn’t even make it to the national tour. Oh well. It’s even more of a shame that a wild card spot was squandered on her rather than, say, Tatiana del Toro, who  despite the beautiful drama she brought  could actually sing. Coulda, shoulda, woulda.
The good news is that with Megan out, the excitement truly begins. Everyone left (with the exception of Scott, obvs) has a good amount of talent. Some haven’t quite harnessed it (Lil, Anoop), others are a tad inconsistent (Matt), some are favorites (Adam, Danny), and some are just on a roll (Allison, Kris). It will be harder and harder to see who goes home next. No question it should be Scott, what with those dulcet sheep noises that pass as singing, but ovine bleating be damned, people seem to like him. I do not get it. I do not get it at all. Given that he’ll probably safe until it gets to a top five or something, I’m thinking Anoop is now in the danger zone, seeing how every time he does something uptempo, he comes off as a silly college guy at a pong tournament.
Anyway, on last night’s results show, nothing terribly surprising happened  which is shocking considering it was April Fools. Ryan split the contestants into three groups of three, and at first it was gonna be the old “Which one of these groups is the bottom three?” But then it turned out that one person from each squad comprised the final three. Ahhhh… tricky. Poor Matt Giraud won the Kris Allen Gullability Award of the night when Ryan told him to “take a seat.” The pianist automatically assumed that meant he was in the bottom and was halfway across the stage when Ry-Ry had to yank him back and send him stage left to safety. Phew. Cheering and gasps for breath ensued (on stage  not in my apartment where Sly, Jash, and I were stuffing our faces full of delicious Cantaloop).
Ultimately, our bottom trio consisted of Anoop, Megan, and Allison, which seemed about right (given that Scott automatically has Middle America Immunity). I mean, Allison doesn’t deserve to go home, but her song choice wasn’t the best ever this week, and let’s not forget that the judges always sabotage her by discussing her clothes or drawing whiskers on themselves instead of judging her performance. Anyway, Megan was cut, and even she knew that would be the case, as evidenced by her hammy, kind of stupid face which contorted into mock anticipation. It was a good old fashion defense mechanism  a strong front to hide the fact that all her hopes and dreams were crumbling before her. Nevertheless, it came off as a bit obnoxious to me  and the judges too, who didn’t even entertain the thought of giving her a second chance. It didn’t help matters that earlier in the show Megan told Simon that she didn’t care what he had to say. Well, he threw it right back at her, saying they didn’t care about what she had to sing. Touché! And so Megan (who spent a good portion of the show acting like a bird) droned her way through another rendition of her song  replete with lyrical confusion â€â€Ã‚ and then crumbled into tears as she was forced to watch her goodbye montage. Ah ha! You DO care after all! GOTCHA!
Elsewhere on the show, we got to see a bizarre Ford music video in which the various idols had their faces mixed with each other. Needless to say, the combination of Adam Lambert and Scott MacIntyre was not pleasurable to the eyes. After that, the kids took to the stage for their group song, which was a fairly antiseptic version of “Don’t Stop Believin'” by Journey. The only source of entertainment during this performance was watching all the singers absolutely fail in attempting to lip synch. Allison Iraheta was completely off, and poor Scotty Mac wasn’t even close to his microphone. He gets a free pass on that one for obvious reasons.
Later, David Cook came out to sing a bland song, but creative limitations be damned, he still seems like quite a nice guy. After his anecdote about selling a thousand total copies of his 2006 self-released CD in one year, we all agreed that the Cookster is remarkably affable. Three cheers for good breeding!
A more exciting performance was Lady Gaga (née Stefani Joanne Germanotta), who took to the stage with a zipper on her eye and a Phyllis Diller wig on her head. She sang her hit “Poker Face,” starting off with a bluesy version on her piano that really showed off her voice. Unfortunately, when she began dancing around with the more familiar Top 40 take of the song, the vocals pretty much went out the window. But that’s okay because she certainly brought the showmanship. Lady Gaga had all the energy of some feisty terrier on the stage, and she looked not unlike Magda from There’s Something About Mary. It was certainly a sight to behold. The idols could learn a thing or two about stage presence from her. And bonus points to whoever affixed that old lady wig on Gaga. I swore that thing would come flying off about fifteen separate times, but it held on despite what common sense might otherwise indicate. Sort of like Scott.
What did you think about the show? Happy with the results?