HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Ramona Stirs Things Up Again

It took a few episodes, but finally Ramona worked her charm and caused a totally awkward — as in painfully awkward — moment on last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York City. Oddly enough, I’m not sure she deserves full blame for the situation. What basically happened was that while setting up for a charity event at the American Cancer Society’s Hope House (I believe that’s what it was called), Ramona started giving Bethenny dating advice. Her recommendation: go out with a lot of guys and have fun. This, however, ran counter to what Countess LuAnn De Lesseps believed. The Titled One believed that such activities might make a lady look cheap and wanton — or so she said in so many words. Eventually, Bethenny fell to the wayside and LuAnn and Ramona sparred on the merits of male company, which somehow led to Ramona noting that LuAnn had married a man twice her age. Factually, this was incorrect (Alexandre was 42 when he married the 27 year old LuAnn), but what was more insulting to LuAnn was when she asked Ramona if she thought Alexandre was an old man, and Ramona shrugged “yeah.”
OHHHHHHH HEELLLLL TO THE NOOOO.

Ramona might as well have just said “Alexandre is a pedophile who has sex with little boys and masturbates on the graves of every Franco-American hero since 1792.” LuAnn lost it. First she told Ramona not to be rude. Then she refuted the claim that Alexandre was old (I was kiiind of in the Ramona camp on this one), and then she just freaked out in general, getting all melodramatic and saying things like “How could she say that HERE? AT THE AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY???” Heaven forbid!! Ramona clearly knew she had touched a nerve immediately, judging by the way she shrunk back when LuAnn initially snapped at her, but rather than diffuse the situation, she kind of held her ground — which she was entitled to do — but had she taken Class with the Countess, she’d probably know the best thing would have been to suck it up and brush the whole thing off as a misunderstanding. Of course, had the Countess taken Class with the Countess, she would have also brushed it off, and rather than get all “attackive” (her word, not mine), she would have calmly corrected Ramona and informed her that Alexandre was not in fact super old. If anything, it would have been the perfect opportunity for the haughty De Lesseps laugh.
Instead, LuAnn lost her shit. Clearly this was a sensitive subject for her and/or she’s been silently stewing about Ramona for some time. LuAnn challenged Ramona, asking her if she really thought the fifteen year difference made Alexandre an “older man.” Um, exactly which part of “FIFTEEN YEARS OLDER” was LuAnn confused about? What Ramona should have explained was that it wasn’t a bad thing. Just a fact. However, she didn’t do that, and so LuAnn confused this all as some sort of negative judgment on Ramona’s part. What to do? Well, throw it right back. LuAnn quickly mentioned that Mario CERTAINLY did not look young for his age (actually, he does), which made me wonder if there might be a chapter in LuAnn’s new book titled “Two wrongs DO make a right.” Yes, just mere seconds after bashing Mario in retaliation, LuAnn did the “HOW DARE YOU” speech, saying how tacky it was for Ramona to pass judgment on her husband. mmmhmmm.
After this had gone on entirely too long, Ramona suddenly got the brilliant idea that she should maybe apologize. So that’s what she did. Insincerely at first, then more heartfelt later. LuAnn calmed down a little, and her poor daughter was probably totally freaked out, despite shrugging the whole thing off nobly. As for Jill ZAAARin, she walked in after all the dust had settled, and I swear I’d never seen her look so disappointed.
That’s saying a lot given how annoyed she was with her “gay husband” Brad earlier in the episode. Can we talk about this guy for a second? He’s not funny. He thinks he’s a riot, and I can’t help but feel like he’s playing up to the cameras in hopes of some sort of spin off, but he’s really just annoying, and I don’t like the way he bosses Jill around. Well, he doesn’t boss her around. No one does. But he tries to. He’s gotta respect the Z-Dawg, if you know what I’m saying.
Unfortunately, Jill was barely in this episode. It was mostly a Ramona showcase, and when she wasn’t fighting with LuAnn, she was dancing alone at a party, obsessing over lobster claw (or “clobster claw”) clasps, or schooling Kelly Killoren Bensimone on Richard Meier. You heard me correctly. In a weird little field trip that made no sense whatsoever, Ramona and Kelly visited the Model Museum, which I naturally assumed was some paean to the likes of Tyra, Claudia, and Kelly herself. But no, it was a collection of architectural models by Richard Meier, an alleged close friend of Kelly K’s, even though she knew nothing of his work. Ramona, meanwhile, did her research, and I gotta give her props for that. I really respected that she read up about Meier’s work beforehand. She may be crazy, but she’s not necessarily an idiot.
Kelly, meanwhile, has yet to prove she has any substance. Once again we learned very little about her this week. I’m starting to think she can’t say the word “Hi!” as every time she tries to utter it, all that comes out is an empty wheeze. In fact, her diction in general sounds a little off. She slurs so much the producers had to subtitle her words. I actually developed a theory about her last night, and it’s not to be cruel or insensitive, but when she talks, she sounds like a deaf person. There’s nothing wrong with that, and I am not mocking the way deaf people sound. I’m merely stating that Kelly sounds kind of like Luke from The Amazing Race. Listen!
Of course, the other big to-do in the episode came from LuAnn as well, who asked Bethenny if she’d be receiving any retouching for her pictorial in Social Life magazine. It was a loaded comment for sure (and to think she said it at the AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY!!!! FOR SHAME!!!), but Bethenny let it slide for the time being so as not to make a scene at the charity event (unlike LuAnn who despite being a self-anointed doyenne of etiquette soon locked horns with Ramona moments later). Anyway, Bethenny later confronted the countess about the remark, and LuAnn apologized but defended herself, saying something about wanting to “protect” her. Had it been me, I would have just said, “I asked only because magazines do that. It wasn’t a statement about your face.” But hey, I guess I still have a lot to learn about class. In the end, LuAnn got hers, kind of, when the editor-in-chief of Social Life magazine asked her about the airbrushing scandal right on the red carpet of the magazine’s party in honor of Bethenny. Awkward? Just a tad.
As for our other housewives, Alex and Simon, they did little more than guide an architect through their house and detail a renovation — which they naively thought would only take two or three months. Ha, never. The real highlight with them was a sly piece of editing which first displayed Ramona and Mario’s huge, sumptuous backyard and pool in the Hamptons before switching over to Alex and Simon’s dumpy little equivalent in Brooklyn. It was a sight to behold: the pasty duo of Simon and Alex throwing a beach ball to each other in a decidedly un-fabulous inflatable pool. Hey, I’m not against inflatable pools, but when these two then babble about how luxurious their backyard is as we see them soaking in a Home Depot big box item, it’s hard not to laugh…
Anyway, this photocap has turned into something of a recap. I guess that’s just how good last night’s show was. Onto the pictures!!

“Wow. Bethenny could really use some retouching.”

“Ugggggh… too many Skinny Girl cocktails….”

“This top is actually made from special material. It lights up when I see someone less attractive than me.”

“Bethenny, when I made the comment, I was trying to protect you… from the reality that you are very wrinkled and have no business on a magazine cover, unlike me who is a former model and has some experience in the field and yet wasn’t asked, which is highly unclassy, and if the inference is that I have an older husband, then I expect an apology, especially if you are going to make such claims here, at the AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY!!!!”
“But we’re at a restaurant in the Hamptons.”
“Don’t be rude.”

“My mother always said that you have to make your own lobster claw clasps because you never want to be dependent on your husband’s lobster claw clasps in case he leaves you.”

Jill: “So? What’d I miss?”

“We are so lucky to have such a grand pool. However, we won’t be letting François and Johann into it. They’re used to the inflatable pools in St. Barts, and we wouldn’t want to traumatize them.”

Bethenny: “I’ll show LuAnn who’s LuAnn!”

“LuAnn, you realize what you’re doing here, right? You’re making me look like the voice of reason, and I’M RAMONA.”