The bad news: no more Gail for the rest of Top Chef. The good news: we now have a wordy curmudgeon on the panel, and no, I’m not talking about me. I’m talking about Toby Young, who ably  if not bombastically â€â€Ã‚ took over for our dear friend Gail Simmons, who has gone off on some newlywed adventure. I do hope she comes back next season, but for now, Toby is a fine substitution. He seems to hate everything, which is fun; although, I’d prefer a few less Tom Cruise allusions and some more concrete feedback. Nevertheless, this episode, which had the chefs preparing whatever they wanted for the new judge (and their peers  twist!) was a welcome return for the show, which hadn’t served up a new installment for what felt like eons. Glad to have you back, chefs. And yes, that was a reference to the Glad family of cookware and products.
Now excuse me while I have a Diet Dr. Pepper and get on with the photocap…
“Chefs, today you will be making sugar-free desserts for your Quickfire Challenge. We were inspired by my dear friend Gail Simmons, who recently fell into a diabetic coma after having consumed twenty-three pounds of lollipops and marshmallows, bless her heart.”
“Wait until they hear all my Finnish jokes. It’ll be hilarious, ja?”
“Oh if my a-grandma could a-see me now. I’m a-using five a-hundred years of bag a-holding technique!”
“I’m a-holding this a-plate just a-like my grandmother taught me. Five a-hundred years of Italian plate a-holding tradition.”
“You know who invented piping? THE FINNS!! I’m just kidding. Gotcha!!”
For one glorious moment, Hosea spares us the sight of his Brillo Pad goatee.
Padma: “This is Jeff. He works with dildos.”
Jeff: “No, I work at the Dilido Club. DILIDO.”
Jean-Christophe: “Ahhh oui. You do what we call in France, faire du sex toy.”
“I felt like this dish was rather like Sir Ian McKellan arriving for Shakespeare in the Park, only to discover he wasn’t at a park, but an insipid marsh full of festering beetles and deafening crickets, all so overwhelming to each of his five senses that he has no choice but to find a branch and impale himself through the heart, lest the inharmonious din were to completely destroy the very kernel of passion that took him from the gloomy fens of Lancashire to the effervescent lights and worldwide glory of the London stage. So yes, I quite liked it.”
“I’ll show them what a real Dildo master can do.”
“I guess I’ll make a skate wing. I always kind of liked it. Iiii don’t know….”
“I’m a-making pasta, just a-like my grandmother a-taught me. Eight a-hundred years of technique!”
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“Please, Chef Tom, save us from Eugene! We don’t want to die for nothing either!!!”
“So this is my jawbone?”
“Yes, Padma, and this is a tablecloth.”
“Ahh…”
“Please let this next course be better than that AWFUL daikon radish fettucini.”
“I’m sorry, Jean-Christophe, but I have to side with the baldies on this one.”
Toby: “Are you telling me that the woman I replaced always ate everything on her plate and then ate all of your leftovers and then asked for seconds and then asked for a side of bacon EVERY time?”
Tom: “Yeah, it was pretty amazing.”
Padma: “Bless her heart.”
