It’s a shame that Gail Simmons had to leave Top Chef so early this season because last night she missed the one and only RESTAURANT WARS!!! That’s right. With only eight contestants left, the chefs were split into two teams and forced to create a restaurant experience in twenty four hours. In one corner was Radhika and her beautifully-named restaurant, Sahana. In the other corner was Leah, whose menu and name, The Sunset Lounge, felt less than inspired. It seemed like Leah would be going down â€â€Ã‚ and not just on Hosea â€â€Ã‚ after she served up some undercooked fish to the judges. However, the diners just marginally enjoyed the Sunset Lounge experience more, thus affording them a very, very lucky pass this week.
As a result, Team Sahana faced the judges, and man was Tom Colicchio mad. The combination of Radhika’s indecisive and generally absent leadership mixed with Carla’s wack-a-doodle answers seemed to royally piss him off. I thought at one point he was gonna punch both women. Sadly, despite consistently delivering solid and often mouth-watering dishes, Radhika was sent packing. On the plus side, I’m glad to have Carla around longer (seriously â€â€Ã‚ how many desserts can she bungle?), but annoyed that yet another talented chef went home at the expense of Leah. Oh well.
“Don’t a-worry about a-me. I’m a-using two a-hundred years of a-hosting experience.”
“My name is Stefan, and I’m being coy. It’s very enchanting, ja?”
“If my grand-a-mother could see me now: eight a-hundred years of stick a-gathering technique.”
“I didn’t want to send that fish back, but I had to. It’s really quite a shame that my dear friend Gail Simmons isn’t here. Overcooked, raw â€â€Ã‚ she’d eat it all, bless her heart.”
“I’m not sure about this lettuce. Sure, it’s fresh, but I’m not feeling any love. Watch: hootie? Hootie? See! It won’t even say ‘hoo.'”
“I wonder if anyone will be mad if I change my dish. I’m thinking seared scallop on a bed of scallops, topped with a scallop sauce and freshly shaved scallop.”
“Well, Tom, if you must know, I’m making my frozen yogurt with sunshine, rainbows, and just a dash of kooky optimism.”
“I’m just gonna put this out there: I deserve to win this.”
“I’m really familiar with global cuisine at the Dildo Club. I make a Jamaican chicken dish that’s excellent. I mean, you just can’t top the Dildo’s jerked cock.”
“I’m so distracted by my very exciting and sexy and not-at-all-boring love affair with Hosea.”
“I wonder if I can come up with an overwrought and tiresome analogy for this meal. Oh wait! I got one…
“This meal was rather like the career of Estelle Getty in that it started off spunky and fresh before eventually petering off into the sort of cold irrelevance that could best be described as a soggy scone that’s been sitting in the hand of a dead bum for three hours whilst lorries drive by and splash muddy water onto it from a nearby puddle filled with spilt Pims and the filth of two years worth of street neglect and soot. So yes, it was quite delightful.”
