Top Chef this week really was all about one thing and one thing only: Kathy Lee Gifford spitting out Jeff’s food into a sink. Man, that was glorious. Luckily her disgust really doesn’t reflect poorly on him as much as it does her, but nevertheless, I’m sure it was slightly mortifying. Perhaps not as mortifying as working at a restaurant whose name is one “i” away from the word “Dildo,” but mortifying all the same.
Anyway, there’s much to talk about, but I really just feel like getting to the photocap. Discuss amongst yourselves!
“Hey Rocco, remember the time Gail ate so much lasagna that she passed out under the Judges Table?”
“That was great.”
Tom Colicchio’s really trimming down.
Look at all those spices: dried thyme, white sesame seeds, saffron. Wait, what’s saffron again?
“IT’S THE STAMENS OF CROCUSES!”
All those who’d like to poke Tom Colicchio in the stomach, raise your hands!
“Utensils down, hands up! Whoa, Hosea, we’re not arresting you.”
“This is delicious, Jeff. Where do you work again?”
“The DiLido Beach Club.”
“The Dildo Beach Club?”
“DiLido.”
“DILDO?”
“Di-Li-do. DiLido.
(snickering) “DILDO?“
sigh…”Yes, the Dildo Beach Club.”
“That’s what we thought you said.”
“Danny, it’s a shame Gail’s not here to try your Corn Flake encrusted zucchini flowers. I’m sure she’d love them. Then again, you could encrust an old volleyball in Corn Flakes, and she’d love it.”
“AND NOW WE WILL PREPARE THE PRESENTATION, JA?”
“Eugene, just a reminder that you only have two and a half minutes. Don’t even try to make Gail wait any longer than that to eat.”
“You know, Jamie, I’m not a fan of raw egg on my salad, but I’m sure Gail will like it. Just put some Skittles on it.”
“I guess I’ll make this salad. I don’t know. It probably doesn’t taste very good, but what do I know? Ehhhh…”
“Time to jazz things up, Dildo style!”
Sideshow Bob prepares an amuse bouche.
Jeff: “People with simple, unsophisticated palates might not like this dish, but then again, Dildo Beach isn’t for everyone.”
“Beard’s looking good, right? Right?”
“Whattya lookin’ at? So I’m a cougar. So what? Eh, I don’t know anymore…”
“I wonder what I should use to poison Bart Simpson…”
“Hey Padma, check it out. Gail’s trying to lick a popsicle off the floor.”
“Oh Rocco. I wish you hadn’t pointed that out. Gail. Gail, get up from there. GAIL!”
