My Problem With Sugar

Many friends and readers on this site have wondered why I seem to harbor a certain disdain and hatred for Sugar, the sweet pinup model who could find herself walking away with a million dollars this Sunday on Survivor. Even more so, people wonder how in the world I could ever root for the likes of Kenny and Crystal. Well, my friends, I’m here to explain all to you.

Here’s the thing with Sugar. She is sweet, and I bet as a person in the real world, she’s probably great. I have no doubt that she’s a truly empathetic person who would be a wonderful friend in life, but as a Survivor contestant, she just drives me absolutely NUTS. She’s so wishy-washy all the time, always puzzled about what to do next. I just want to shake her. And even worse, the big decisions always seem to come down to her. It’s like everyone always has to rely on Sugar, and it feels like week after week, we go into Tribal Council wondering “Sugar better not FUCK this up.”
The good news is that she’s pretty much always done the right thing — no easy feat. But I refuse to call her a mastermind by any means. I think if anything the credit goes to the people manipulating her decisions (Kenny and Crystal). The two of them are persuasive, and Sugar is easily manipulated; so together, they’ve done a great job of ousting the power players.
Of course, last night Sugar DID do something of her own accord, which was commendable. Even though I’m firmly on Team Crystal, I can’t act like Sugar was a passive member of last night’s TC. However, the fact that the power play came from a weepy, guilt-ridden place was just so…. SUGAR. Get a grip, woman! Yeah, she may not have liked Crystal’s tongue-lashing towards Matty, but you know what? Matty was acting like a mopey bitch. They both were in the wrong. Hey, that’s what happens when you’re food-deprived and cranky. Truth was that Sugar may have shot herself in the foot. Going up against Kenny and Crystal in a final three would be sure of a lot easier for her than a potential showdown with Bob and Matty (although, I concede that if it comes to the three of them, it would be a very, very tight final vote. Bob would win though because of all his old Fang friends).
As to why I like Kenny and Crystal, well, I like to chalk it up to their blatant scheming and underdog status (at least in the beginning of the game). Kenny is a skinny, ineffective kid who only has one tool: his brain. And he’s used it! He was on a perpetually losing tribe, and you’d think he’d be the first to go, but he stuck around. And even better, he allied with the brooding, hulking Crystal. They’re such an odd couple, it’s hard for me not to like them. However, I truly began to love Kenny when he started spinning all-out lies. That’s what you gotta do sometimes. Kenny and Crystal had their backs up against the wall. If he hadn’t lied about Ace, then not only would they be gone, but so would Matty and possibly Suzie (a.k.a The Suze. Off topic— can you believe The Suze is still around? I like to think her blindfolded antics in the savannah of Gabon last night serve as a visual metaphor for her gameplay). Anyway, I loved that Kenny lied because every season, there’s always one or two poor saps who are faced with terrible numbers and fail tremendously at saving themselves. They promise devotion, loyalty, voting patterns, etc. And it never, EVER works. In those situations, I always say that it’s better not to promise anything but to spread distrust. If you can make people feel uncertain about their place in the game, they’ll do what you want. Cirie was the master of that. And Kenny did it too by making Sugar feel unsafe around Ace. The rest was history. I loved that he pulled it off and totally changed the game.
Unfortunately, Kenny became a cocky bastard. I stood by him week after week, but last night was a bit too much. And the proof was in his scheme which had too much room for error. Leave it to Sugar to screw things up and send Crystal, my favorite packing. ARGH. Oh, and why is Crystal my favorite? Well, she’s hilarious first of all. When she ranted against Randy as she wrote his name down, that was classic. She may be moody, but I feel like it always comes from frustration with herself. I just for some reason really like her, and I don’t care that she’s miserable at challenges. Heck, I never care about that for anyone.
So as you can imagine, last night’s episode was killer for me. Not only did I have to drop one of my other favorites, Kenny, but I had to see his cockiness stimulate Sugar’s waterworks, which in turn saw the demise of Crystal. Dammit. And of course Corinne made a not so subtle display of her happiness. She’ll be a real terror on the jury.
Now we just have the final episode. I’m sure there’ll be more hemming and hawing from Sugar. What to do? What to do? Woe is me! I’m Sugar and I’m cute and I’m just so torn ALL THE TIME!!! Ugh.