GOSSIP GIRL: The Good, The Bad, and the Vitamin Water

Gossip Girl triumphantly returned for its second season last night, and the overall feeling I experienced was generally positive with some light disappointment mixed in. After all, an episode set almost entirely in the Hamptons seemed to offer so much potential, but instead, it was merely OK. But even an okay Gossip Girl episode is better than most stuff on TV; so I really can’t complain too much. Still, I couldn’t help feeling like this first episode of season two was merely a giant settup — a revving up of the motor, if you will. My list of what worked and what didn’t after the jump.

THE GOOD:
• Dammit, it was beautiful. From the costumes to the cinematography to the set design to the locations, this episode was far and away the best looking of the series and perhaps the entire teen genre. It was clear that everyone was having an absolute blast creating this Gossip Girl-ized view of the Hamptons. With bright colors, flashy visuals, and some cheeky summer fashions (a.k.a. Chuck Bass’s entire wardrobe), everything about this premiere was head and shoulders above anything else that’s ever been on The CW.
• “Mother Chucker.” Blair-Bear’s attempt at introducing the “frak” of Gossip Girl was a welcome touch, even if it was bandied about in many promos for the show.
• The dialogue: it’s still as sharp as ever, even if some of the plot twists were a bit loony this episode. And in the end, it’s that crackling banter that keeps us coming back.
• Mädchen Amick. Looking great at thirty-eight, the former Twin Peaks star fulfilled the role of Hamptons cougar quite lustfully. And let’s face it: no teen show is complete without a predatory woman of a certain age.
THE BAD:
• Where was Ina Garten? I mean, hello. This was a show about THE HAMPTONS. Couldn’t Ina and Jeffrey have received an invite to the White Party? Instead we got Tinsley Mortimer’s awkward cameo. Strange. Very strange.
• Jennie and Eric’s ten second feud. Apparently, Eric and Jenny had been fighting all summer. Maybe this was a result of her pretending like she was screwing his boyfriend? Either way, I wasn’t aware that there had been ill-will between the two munchkins, but apparently, there had been. Fear not. They squashed it all when he arbitrarily welcomed her back into his life for no good reason. Well, that was a fun little conflict.
• Dan, the playboy. Since when did Dan Humphrey get so much game? The first thing we saw of him was him making out with one girl at a book reading and then flirting with another. This felt, if anything, massively forced. Was this The CW’s way of sexing up Penn Badgely? It was lame. Almost as lame as his ‘tude when he came face to face with Serena (dressed in some sort of ode to the goddess Athena) making out with Nate at the aforementioned White Party. Dan was a total ass once again, perhaps forgetting that he was the one who had dumped her, and more importantly that they weren’t even DATING. Of course, he got his when those two girls from the reading conveniently showed up and poured vibrantly colored martinis on his borrowed white blazer. You’d think realizing that Dan’s not only a judgmental drama queen but also a hypocrite would open Serena’s eyes, but instead, this somehow brought them together in a moment of “hahahah, we all make mistakes” reconciliation. That’s not cool.
• The storylines were a bit one note. It felt like the entire crux of the show was about making other people feel jealous. Nate and Serena canoodled to get revenge on the cougar, and Blair shacked up with some guy named James to make Chuck jealous. It all felt a bit repetitive. Plus, there was Jenny’s obvious “AND FUCK YOU TOO, LAUREL” story which was less cheeky fun and more blandly obvious. I love Jenny’s perpetual Cinderella arcs as much as the next person, but this one felt a bit… simplistic. Predictable, perhaps? She needed more obstacles. We want to see her work hard for Laurel’s approval, not just simply get it with a party invite and a socialite’s praise. Of course, this also begs the question: since when did we care about Laurel?
• And what is the deal with the cougar anyway? That story felt very rushed and thrown on us. I would have liked to have seen its roots. It was hard to stay too invested in it given that we knew so little about it (shades of The OC season two when everyone came back from the summer with new relationships with new people that we just didn’t even care about — and never did).
• CeCe is nice now. That was a strange turn. The writers explained it by saying she’d had an attitude adjustment after her brush with cancer (so that’s over too, I guess), but honestly, it all felt like a quick fix for Lilly’s absence (the actress, Kelly Rutherford, had a baby and will be absent for the first three episodes of the season).
• A kinder, softer Chuck. I didn’t like Chuck’s constant pining for Blair. The whole point is that he doesn’t DO that. He’s CHUCK BASS. I would have liked a bit more emotional suppression on his part. Not the worst offense of the show though, unlike…
THE UGLY:
• James, a.k.a. LORD MARCUS “I’m British” BEATON. This had to be one of the more ludicrous developments in this show’s brief history (even more so than Serena’s off-camera redemption for MURDER). The only reason why it was remotely acceptable or amusing was because a) it involved Blair, and b) it’s Gossip Girl. Somehow they can just pull it off. But still, STILL, that was ridiculous.
• Do I even need to say it? Really? VITAMIN WATER. It was everywhere. I thought it was bad when Laurel first noted that the White Party was in fact the Vitamin Water party, but when the colorful bottles started showing up in every shot in any possible way, the excess became embarrassing. Hey, I’m all for product placement — it keeps our favorite shows alive — but let’s do it with some sort of panache. Sheesh.
What did you think about the premiere?