Further Adventures In the 'Big Brother' Audience

Earlier this summer, I managed to find my way into two live shows of Big Brother, and after both trips, I wrote highly detailed accounts of my experiences. Well, since then, I’ve actually found my way into the audience two more times, but I haven’t really written anything because there’s been not much else to report. I mean, how many times can I describe the surreal experience of sitting just feet from the Chenbot? Okay, I could probably write about it many, many times. Point is, I thought I had run out of material, but when I went this past Thursday with none other than brilliantmistake of Midseason Replacements, I soon discovered that there’s never a dearth of inspiration when you’re surrounded by awful, awful people.
Okay, I should amend that. Not everyone around me was awful. Brilliantmistake, for one, was most certainly not awful. And the girl on the other side of me was rather pleasant too. Oh, but the audience. The audience. After having gone four times, I can say without a doubt that this was the dumbest audience I’d experienced all summer. And this isn’t me be snotty (yes it is). These people were dumbb with two b’s. Why? Well, I think it’s because they had a leader; a leader who empowered them to express their dumbness to the fullest degree. And that leader’s name was SHELLY.

For those of you who don’t remember, Shelly — oft known as AWFUL WOMAN — actually showed up at the second taping I went to earlier this summer. She seared her way into my memory by being so loud and obnoxious and generally awful that people sitting all around her were rolling their eyes and sharing glances as if to say, “Seriously?” Now, in my last write-up, some people accused me of crossing the line a tad by mocking my fellow audience members as they were just innocent bystanders to the Big Brother experience. The point is well-noted, but I have to maintain my stance that as long as people act idiotically in a public space, they are fair game, and that goes especially for Shelly. Besides, when she actually let out a “whoohoo!” during the live votes last time, she lost any opportunity to be spared from my blogging wrath.
Well, I made my disdain of Shelly no secret last time; so when I spotted her a mere four people away from us in line, I immediately elbowed brilliantmistake and told her “THAT’S AWFUL WOMAN!” And boy was she awful. First off, she single-handedly redefined the rules of “business casual,” which was the expected dress-code for us audience members. She wore a lime-green tank top that defied any and all fashion sense. It was like some horrible homage to TJ Maxx and Kermit the Frog. If that wasn’t bad enough, she also sported some decidedly glaring capri-pants, which came replete with oversized pink floral patterns throughout. She certainly got the “casual” part right, but I’m not so sure about the “business” — unless, of course, her business is selling patio furniture in the Everglades.
Anyway, with her white hair and retro 1960s glasses (cool on Mad Men, not cool on Shelly), this woman proved to be annoying within a second of me recognizing her. Everything she did seemed to be loud and ostentatious — almost as if she hoped a casting director might pluck her out of obscurity and place her right in the Big Brother house. It’s a hard attitude to describe, but anyone who’s ever been to a live taping of a television show (or has spent considerable time around extras on a set) knows the type: attention-seeking, showy, and generally annoying.
Well, when audience members arrive at CBS, we’re given release forms to sign, and we hold onto them until just before we step into the studio. That day, as brilliantmistake and I waited in line, Shelly decided to have some fun. She folded her release (or perhaps her ticket — whatever the piece of paper was) into an airplane and began throwing it around. Huh? That’s right: here was a grown woman (physically, not perhaps mentally) tossing around a paper airplane for no reason other than to be wacky. Hey, I get it. Sometimes you gotta throw an airplane. But it’s one thing when it feels truly spontaneous and fun. It’s quite another when you are so desperately seeking out attention. Needless to say, it didn’t take brilliantmistake much time to agree with me: Shelly was truly awful.
(Even worse for brill, she actually encountered Shelly in the ladies room. Apparently Shelly tried to engage her in conversation, but brilliantmistake happily rebuffed her, not wishing to indulge the rampant awfulness.)
Anyway, we eventually all headed into the studio, and thankfully, Shelly was placed on the other end of the audience. As it turned out, she got little, if any screen time, but she didn’t know that — at least at the time. She tried her darndest to get everyone’s attention. In fact, when the producers and later the stage manager came out to do their pre-show spiels, she engaged them as if they were old friends, peppering them with questions and comments that never seemed to end. Oh, and don’t think they weren’t all very dumb questions and comments. I wish I could remember them, but it’s been a few days now, and I’ve tried my best to block her entire presence out of my head (unsuccessfully, I might add).
Well, about ten minutes prior to the show starting, Julie stepped out and did her rehearsal and whatnot, and then afterwards, Shelly asked the stage manager if it was okay to ask Julie about what her favorite season was. This was awkward as Julie clearly was busy prepping, but she didn’t want to be rude to her faithful audience. She ultimately answered, noting that her favorite had to be season two or season eight (where’s the love for season six, Julie??), and then we all assumed Julie’d go back to work, but apparently Shelly had opened the floodgate to everyone in the audience, who now were raising their hands and calling out “Julie? Julie?” as if they were a bunch of eager kindergarteners needing to go poddy.
Ever the sport, Chenbot started taking questions — something that I hadn’t seen before with the live shows. I’m always up for audience interaction with Julie, and I don’t blame anyone for wanting to ask her a question, but in this case, it all felt so uncomfortable. I mean, she had to PREP, people! And it wouldn’t have been so bad if everyone had asked normal questions, but instead, literally everyone wanted to know gossip about the rest of the cast. Are Eric and Jessica still together? Do Dr. Will and Boogie still hang out? What about Nick and Daniele?
People, it’s called THE INTERNET. Do some Googlin’, check out Jokers. But still, the way everyone asked these questions, it’s like they thought Julie just chilled with the cast every night (as if Amber would even be let near the Moonves compound). There was something just so… sad about it all. Maybe I’m just being a huge snob, which I totally own and admit, but still, I was shocked that no one asked Julie about herself or what she does to prep for the show or how the bicoastal commute affects her. It was all just so banal (there’s that snobbery again). Hey, I’m not expecting this to be akin to a college lecture Q&A session, but seriously, people. Let’s get it together. I honestly thought nothing could top the previous week’s audience when after the stage manager said about five times “Do not stand up,” someone actually raised his hand and asked “Can we stand up?” But no, this crowd had them beat.
Well, believe it or not, I could have let the idiotic questions slide if they’d ebbed after a minute or two. However, these people were so relentless that it wasn’t until the final seconds prior to the show starting that they finally shut up. I’m not joking. We were like twenty seconds out from the LIVE show when Shelly (or maybe it was the guy next to her) asked one more dumb question to Julie. And let me remind you that Julie was standing on her mark, trying very clearly to focus, and here was Shelly, asking something absolutely unnecessary at the last second. Needless to say, brilliantmistake and I shared some very incredulous looks.

Awesome placement.

Once we were live, it was pretty smooth sailing. Another great show, and I must reiterate how thrilling it is to watch Big Brother amongst a hundred fans, even if they aren’t the best questioners in the world. As we all laughed at Renny and Dan and Jerry, it reminded me that dammit, we’re all fans, and this experience shouldn’t be about hating but loving. Yes, I felt that way until the eviction when Shelly struck again. The producers played back a goodbye message from Keesha, and while Renny’s lip quivered, Shelly full-on lost it. That’s right, this random woman who’d never once had a conversation with either of these people (outside of her own head, that is) was more distraught than anyone else in the room. And as you’d expect, she was a loud crier. So much so that the stage manager had to silently scold her (via some wild gesticulations) to shut up. But fear not: if you go back to Renny’s exit interview, you can easily hear Shelly sniffling and sobbing in the background. Hey, sniffles are fine. Sobbing? Not cool.
I MEAN, SERIOUSLY.
Could this woman be any more awful?
The answer is yes.
After the show finished taping, the producers brought Renny back out for her Early Show interview, and Shelly happily screamed “WE LOVE YOU RENNY!” Now, there were several people saying that, but Shelly of course had to be the loudest and most repetitive. And again, she tried to engage Renny as if they were old buddies. There was this false sense of familiarity Shelly maintained with people, and it really irked me. I didn’t know why, and at times I asked brilliantmistake if my fixation reflected less about Shelly and more about me, but she reassured me that no, Shelly truly was that annoying, and I had every right to be rolling my eyes as much as I had been.

HER.

I should note now that Renny was absolutely wonderful with the audience. She seemed to relish the experience, and we relished her. She was great. And guess what? The week prior, Ollie and Michelle were great too. Yes, I know they were not loved by the fans (although, I always liked both of them), but they were terrific with the audience. Lots of waves, smiles, jokes. Ollie in particular, who had left the house so bitterly, did a total 180 with Julie and was totally affable. He seems like a good guy who wound up in a crappy alliance (although, for the record, I liked April too. Okay, let’s face it. I liked EVERYONE this season). Michelle, meanwhile, surprised me as she was a total jokester during her interviews. She was literally playing to the audience, cracking funnies left and right. They didn’t all land, but I appreciated the effort. All three of these exits, not to mention Stephen earlier in the season, stood in stark contrast to Jessie’s post-eviction interviews, which were cold and stand-offish. He was the only one who didn’t acknowledge the audience, and he was the only one who didn’t seem able to enjoy the moment. Like I said, Ollie left on significantly worse terms, but he turned it around the second he walked out the door.
The point is, Jessie sucked.
And so did Shelly. When the show finally ended, she found a friend of hers who worked on the set. I think he was a gaffer or an electrician. Whatever he was, he had tape, and Shelly took two pieces and put them under her eyes like a football player. I guess it was supposed to be another example of that Shelly wackiness, but as you might expect, it was less funny and more AWFUL.
That was the last we saw of Shelly, as brilliantmistake and I motored on past, hoping to rid ourselves of her annoying presence. It certainly was a lasting image though: a middle-aged woman, laughing like Paula Deen as she sticks tape on her face. The only thing that makes me feel bad about writing all this is knowing that at the end of the day, she’s probably very nice, and, let’s face it, she probably cries herself to sleep, and not because she’s thinking about Keesha and Renny.
Poor Shelly. I feel bad now. Oh well.
Sincerely,
A Bastard