Last night, another sweet and spicy season of Top Chef drew to a close, but not before giving us a tasting menu’s worth of anxiety as the producers successfully conned me into believing that Lisa actually had a chance of winning the whole thing. I knew it was just a bunch of misdirection, but stranger things have happened on Top Chef, and after serving a bowl of Tom Kha soup that Gail would NOT. SHUT. UP. about, I thought Lisa might actually get the official congratulations she so desperately sought out.
Thankfully, justice prevailed, and the deserving chef won. All is right with this world again. However, before we turn our attention to the next crop of Bravo competitions (Shear Genius, Project Runway 5), let’s look back for one last season 5 photocap, shall we?
“I wonder if Eric Ripert knows how to do THIS!”
“I know you’re all busy cooking your food, but a congratulations for learning how to use a spoon would have been a little bit nice.”
“Hey Stephanie, nice box. Oh, and one more thing: FUCK YOU!”
“Don’t even THINK about sabotaging the fern behind me!”
“Excuse me, I know you are all busy talking to Richard and everything, but a congratulations for landing second place in this line would have been a little bit nice.”
“I’m making potato chips because I subscribe to the school of crunchiness. I also subscribe to the school of FUCK YOU!”
“I wonder if I can make a pound cake out of this…”
“Hey Stephanie? This is my counter; so GET THE FUCK OFF!”
According to Ted Zagat on the left, the finale meal was “very good” and “tasty” while others felt “strong decor” “helped build” an overall “enticing experience” that “surely merits a return trip” “or two.”
“My name is Lisa Fernandes, and in an effort to pattern my food after my personality, I’ve molded the prawn appetizer into the shape of my middle finger. Bon appetite.”
“Gail, Dan, what seems to be the problem?”
“Well, Tom, I turned away for one second, and Gail ate my entire third course.”
“I thought you said you were done.”
“No, I said ‘This is FUN.'”
“My bad.”
“Wow, that twelve plate meal certainly put me into a food coma. Gail, you must be sleepy every day!”
“Ted, I’m absolutely stuffed, but if you’re interested, Gail said she’s going on a late night run to Taco Bell. You know Gail: just give her a chalupa, and she’ll be happy, bless her heart.”
“Well, Gail, the simple fact remains that Lisa did not make you a giant bowl of that soup; so you’ll just have to get over that.”
“You know what, judges? FUCK YOU!”
“Before I hug you, Lisa, quick question about that soup… should I get my bowl now or later? Later? Okay. So not now? Okay, okay. Yeah, that’s fine. Just… later like an hour? Or later like five minutes? I’m sorry, I’m just really hungry.”
“Stephanie, congratulations for being the first female Top Chef. To be honest, we had totally forgotten that you were on the show; so imagine our surprise when you won the whole thing! Now go make Gail an omelette. She’s starving.”
Look, all our old friends: Stephanie, Lisa, Nikki, Antonia, Spike, RIchard, Andrew, Dale, uh… she-Dale? I’m confused…
“Well, Gail, the simple fact remains that Lisa did not make you a giant bowl of that soup; so you’ll just have to get over that.”
“You know what, judges? FUCK YOU!”
“Before I hug you, Lisa, quick question about that soup… should I get my bowl now or later? Later? Okay. So not now? Okay, okay. Yeah, that’s fine. Just… later like an hour? Or later like five minutes? I’m sorry, I’m just really hungry.”
“Stephanie, congratulations for being the first female Top Chef. To be honest, we had totally forgotten that you were on the show; so imagine our surprise when you won the whole thing! Now go make Gail an omelette. She’s starving.”
Look, all our old friends: Stephanie, Lisa, Nikki, Antonia, Spike, RIchard, Andrew, Dale, uh… she-Dale? I’m confused…