I just heard Heidi’s new song/caterwaul, “Fashion,” and I’m not going to lie: it’s vapid, atonal, and totally awful. And yet, it’s so crazy catchy that I’ve been whistling it for the past five minutes (and I’ve only heard it once). If you can just get past all the vocoder effects and the French lyrics (!) and the so-cheesy-it-hurts “HEIDI!” line at the beginning, you’ll find that the chorus is kind of like crack — equal parts shameful and addictive. I’m sorry people. I can’t help it.
Now I know what some of you might be thinking. A) I have no taste (which could be true); B) I myself am on crack; so therefore I would appreciate the musical version of it; or C) after my morning with Speidi, I’m completely biased towards their creative output. Well, when it comes to the latter accusation, fear not. This comes from an unbiased point of view. Or rather, an unbiased AND fairly embarrassed point of view.
Why do I feel like I’ll always regret this blog post for the rest of my life?
To hear Heidi Montag’s “Fashion,” click here.
And to replenish your music cred, listen to David Bowie’s “Fashion” here.

36 replies on “SHOCKING NEWS: Heidi Montag's New Single Is Crazy Catchy”

  1. Yesterday I became a Facebook fan of the B-Side Blog. After this post, I’m going to have to take some time to reflect upon the wisdom of that decision.
    It’s always hard to see your heroes fall.

  2. I’m at work so I’ll have to listen to this later, I’m sure it’s totally groundbreaking/revolutionary/innovative though…
    But I really wanted to comment cause MTV was airing all day prom programming on Sat. (not sure why as weren’t most proms like a month ago?) But they replayed the prom episodes from the first two season of Laguna! (Thankfully no season 3). Such good memories and I totally thought of you! I’d forgotten how hilarious Kristin was, how annoying Jessica was…Casey’s trashy prom dress… need to go re-read all those recaps now!

  3. Oh yeah, I also forgot how good Kristin is at reading people. Back when everyone was on Team LC and didn’t realize how annoying/sanctimonious she could be, Kristin totally pegged her in the season one prom episode: she’s a brat, boring, can’t carry on a conversation, etc…

  4. OH…and it’s also the episode where Roz described Casey’s dress as “Mission Viejo”…OK I’m done now, I promise.

  5. “the so-cheesy-it-hurts “HEIDI!” line at the beginning”
    I laughed so hard when I heard this that I peed in my pants…
    Whether or not she’s taking this singing thing seriously, it’s so so sad that she’s putting out garbage like this. Though I suppose in her world, the allure of making money trumps the importance of having self-respect & dignity.

  6. NikiSpice, perhaps your sentiments would best be described by Elodie:
    “You don’t even know what’s wrong and what’s right anymore. IT’S SO SAD!”

  7. It sounds like this came off my Barbie and the Rockers cassette tape…what is going on here??
    Heidi! hahaha…best part of the song

  8. I think we can blame this on a combination of (A), (B) and exposure to salmonella-laden tomatoes. I too listened to this single, and the only think I found catchy were the STDs oozing from this skank.

  9. This sounds like it came off my Barbie and the Rockers cassette tape…ala 1987.
    Best part of the song…HEIDI! hahaha

  10. B-Side,
    ASL is reporting that Heidi & Spencer have launched a new website “Speidiweb.com”
    Wasn’t it you who coined the name Speidi?
    This launch appears shortly after you’ve spent quality time with Thing One and Thing Two.
    Coincidence?
    I think not

  11. 2 Old 4 This –
    you would think B could find better uses for his Pop Culture power.
    hb

  12. I finally had a chance to listen to this little gem. I think Robin Sparkles just found an opening act for her next mall tour.

  13. Wow, I don’t even know what to say. I have been victim to the guilty pleasure pop song now and again but this…this is even worse than I thought it could be. I couldn’t even let it play in the background while I read the other comments.
    B, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!

  14. so when you said “chorus is kind of like crack — equal parts shameful and addictive” that was a joke, right?
    RIGHT??

  15. the chorus is freaking catchy…even though I cant figure out a word she’s saying!
    “Fashion….(blah blah) on mehhhhhh! ” ???

  16. Spencer was quoted as saying this was the greatest song of his life. What a sad, sad life. And B, I get where you are coming from. It is totally awful, yet sticks in your head like a cocklebur. I can totally see the Roxbury guys jamming to that song.

  17. and to think that I voted for you.
    You have been Speidimatized B. You have the power to destroy them. Why won’t you use it?

  18. I can’t understand any of the lyrics so I’ve decided to make up my own:
    “FASHION –
    Every girl’s hob-by
    Make Steph wanna hangout with LC”

  19. Wow B! I don’t know what to say. That song was so awful. I’ve heard better from the Wiggles! I couldn’t even listen to the whole thing!

  20. What *I* want to know is who wrote those lyrics? They’re just . . . sad. And I actually mean that in an “I feel sorry for her” sort of way. This is what she wants to be known for??

  21. Holy God. I’m embarrassed for her, since she apparently doesn’t have the sense to be embarrassed for herself.

  22. This song reminded me of “Forgiveness” from the movie Just Friends.
    Actually, maybe it was RWD’s translation of the lyrics, but still, this song is catchy in the same weird, annoying, embarassing way.

  23. Are you freaking on drugs?
    Did one afternoon with these two mess your mind up?
    There is no way you seriously think this is good music… or even catchy… no freaking way.
    “”PEOPLE, I said it was awful! A song can be awful and catchy at the same time!!””
    Right bud, I think they said the same thing about every sexually transmited disease out there.
    You wnat to hum along to one of them?

  24. I keep coming back to this entry because the picture of Heidi with the notes floating in the bubble make me giggle.
    every time I look at it, I laugh. Never gets old
    I wonder if my IT people would frown on my using it as wallpaper.

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