Raise your hand if you were a little underwhelmed by last night’s penultimate performance show of American Idol. Yeah, me too. If anything, this final trio of singers underscored what we’ve feared for some weeks now: this season’s crop, while overall more talented than last year’s bunch, has absolutely no personality whatsoever. Syesha has tried her darndest to inject some life into the proceedings, and I’m sure if you ask her, she’d be shocked to learn she’s anything less than magnetic, but no matter how many times she tells herself in the mirror “I’m a STAR!” even she can’t spice up this increasingly bland go-around.
Maybe Fox has given up on these kids. That would explain why the producers didn’t even bother showing more than three or four seconds of each Idol’s homecoming (either that or they’re saving the bits for tonight’s results show). From what we could tell, David Archuleta had a swell time meeting the Salt Lake City mayor and carnie-esque mustache (seriously? You’re an elected official? Are you trying to make SLC look even crazier?). David Cook meanwhile spent his time hangin’ with the anchors of his local Fox affiliate. Amusingly, during their broadcast he got a text from Simon regarding the song he’d be singing. I personally loved how after Cook announced it, the female anchor just sat back and said, “REALLY.” For a moment I thought she’d cross her arms and snap, “We’ll see about THAT, Cowell.” Of course, had it been Sue Simmons, she’d probably just have grabbed David’s cell phone, thrown it off the stage, and yelled “What the FUCK are you doing?”
Then there was poor Syesha, who, as far as we could tell, spent all her time trapped in a limo. That’s where she was when Randy’s song selection came through. That’s right: David Archuleta was at a pep rally in front of thousands of people, David Cook was broadcasting to millions, and Syesha… was alone in a dark car. Perhaps the producers were sending her a message.
Of course, while last night’s episode may have been on the forgettable side, it still might have all been worth it to watch David Archuleta try (and fail) to harness Chris Brown’s urban soul with the vanilla-tastic rendition of “With You.” That’s what Idol is all about: amazing flame-outs. Too bad it won’t eject him from the comp…
Yes, David Archuleta is a sure-thing lock for the finals, let alone the crown. This despite a trio of songs last night that were pretty good at best and awkwardly boring at worst. His first song, chosen by Paula, was one of my all-time weepy favorites: “And So It Goes” by Billy Joel. Paula may be crazy 95% of the time, but this selection was pitch perfect for The Arch. The perfect blend of non-offensive adult-contemporary trappings mixed with the sort of sappy message David thrives on. To his credit, he sang it very well, albeit WITHOUT A SOUL. The kid lacks personality when he sings, and when you tackle a big ol’ sentimental tune like “And So It Goes,” you gotta inject some sort of heart. For the sake of Lite-FM, give us something!
Still, the judges like David’s performance quite a bit; although, Simon refrained from full-on raving about it (thank God). The receptoin was not as warm for David’s second appearance on the show when, as I already mentioned, he attempted to tackle Chris Brown’s hit song, “With You.” I have to admit I got all excited when David announced he’d be singing it, but that’s only because I momentarily confused “With You” for Chris Brown’s seminal hit, “Run It.” As you can imagine, the prospect of such a bizarre song choice was nothing short of exhilarating to me. I mean, I can’t even conceptualize what it would be like to watch the kid sing about girls in a club and whatnot. Eventually, I came to my senses and remembered that “With You” was actually just another ballad, albeit a contemporary R&B one. David gets massive kudos for being the only person this season to attempt a popular song that’s actually charting on the radio. And that’s pretty much where the kudos end. To paraphrase Randy Jackson, “Dude, it was not good, dude.”
The song pretty much began and ended with the first line: “I need you boo.” As you can imagine, listening to David was not unlike watching Will Ferrell and Ana Gasteyer do their clueless music teacher bit. His squeaky-clean interpretation effectively of drained this little ditty of any edge, emotion, or soul. Oh, and the dancing. THE DANCING. David kind of bopped around like my 80-something cousin Melvina, and no, that’s not a good thing (although, if Melvina were singing the song and up on that stage, then yes, it would be a VERY good thing). The sad part of it all is that David didn’t even realize he was dancing. When Simon later called him on it, David earnestly asked, “The dancing?” Oh, little Archuleta. Don’t tell me that hip-waggle is your natural instinct?
Yes, it was one of those classic crash-and-burn moments; although, nowhere close to such famous disasters as John Stevens’ “Crocodile Rock” fiasco. Words just can’t convey how wrong David’s song choice was. It didn’t work on any level. Chris Brown must have been rolling in his not-grave.
As for David’s last song, I knew we were in trouble when I heard the words Dan Fogelberg, may he rest in peace. Here’s someone who probably was rolling in his grave (because he’s dead, unlike Chris Brown). To be honest, I’d never heard of this Fogelberg tune; so I have no idea whether or not David was true to it, but I do know that it was boring as hell. It was possibly one of the most forgettable songs of the entire top twelve. The saddest part though was that the producers picked it for David. If we needed any further evidence that this season has been shockingly old-fashioned, it’s this song choice. Anything (shy of Chris Brown) would have been better. Still, David’s pre-pubescent fan base will carry him to the end; so all this harping on songs and performance really doesn’t matter.
On the other end of the spectrum is self-appointed star Syeesha, whose fan base is… well… I don’t know who her fans are. I’ve yet to hear one person pipe up in favor of her. But she keeps slipping by week after week. I’m not sure she’ll be able to continue her streak tonight (although, such an upset would be fantastic). For her first song, a sparkly Syesha tackled Alisha Keys — she of the Dove Fresh Takes fame — and I’d say she was very, very good. I didn’t love it, but that’s mostly because I don’t love the song. Still, I think it cast Syeesha in a strong light, and it gave me hope that she might actually give these guys a run for the money. You know me, I always root for the underdog.
For her second song, Syeesha chose “Fever,” and while it’s a classic tune, it did seem like an odd choice — especially since we’ve seen it on Idol before. Nevertheless, Syesha had a fun go with the song as she pranced around a chair, quietly resisting the urge to either swing her legs around it and/or climb atop it and proclaim, “WHY YES, I AM YOUR NEXT AMERICAN IDOL!” Overall, I liked the performance, and I enjoyed that she was trying to do something fun on stage. However, I also had to side with Paula and Randy, who praised the singing but feared that the song was a missed opportunity to showcase a more contemporary side of her. Simon, meanwhile, simply dismissed it as cabaret trash. Ouch. I could see where he was coming from though…
Maybe Syeesha was banking on her third song to reveal her youthful side. It was the uptempo, but utterly forgettable song “Hit Me,” which I guess is from the movie Happy Feet. Insert eye-rolls here. This pretty much proves that the producers want her gone. Why else would they saddle her with an obscure song from a movie about penguins? Granted, a song is a song, and you have to be able to sing it, but at least give the girl a tune that came close to the Billboard Hot 100. The more familiar the song, the more the audience can relate to it.
Of course, it didn’t help matters that Syeesha’s performance was middling at best. She seemed completely disconnected from the performance. Her bopping and shimmying all seemed half-hearted and slow. Maybe she was still bummed from her “Fever” reviews. Or maybe she just hated the song as much as the rest of America. Either way, there’s a very strong chance that from here on out, whenever she sees a penguin, she’ll be reminded of her last performance on American Idol.
As for David Cook, he was certainly the best of the night, but he was no great shakes either, as they say. Simon gave him his first song, which oddly enough was an old Roberta Flack ballad. Headscratching all around. David actually did a very nice job with the song (which I had never heard before), and he was probably helped by the ten thousand images of his mother staring at him in the audience like the proud mom that she is. I don’t know her name, but I’m gonna call her Diane. Or Linda. No, Diane.
Anyway, Simon of course praised his song choice, which is to be expected, but I don’t quite understand how he can tell the press one day that the show is old-fashioned and then the next day force a rocker to sing ROBERTA FLACK.
For David’s second song, he chose something by Switchfoot, a nifty little rock band that has had maybe one or two mild hits on the radio. I personally didn’t like this selection; although, I’m not sure it was the band’s fault. First, as Paula noted, because of time requirements, it seemed like the song was just beginning and then suddenly it ended. Not such a great arrangement. Second, there wasn’t a whole lot of melody going on. It was just kind of bland rock. Third, I’m getting really sick of David Cook’s patented style of starting off quiet in the verses and then exploding with huge notes and blazing guitars and swelling violins in the chorus. The whole emo-tastic thing is getting old (not to mention that God-awful hairstyle, which I’ll harp on every week until it’s gone).
Thankfully, Simon lambasted him for being predictable, but the critique hardly mattered as we went into David’s third song, the schlocky Aerosmith/Armageddon/easy-listening spectacular, “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing.” It was a decent rendition, but once again, we had the quiet beginning, feverish climax, and violins all the way. ENOUGH.
Ultimately, it looks like the Davids will sail on through to the next round, but man, what I’d give to see a Syesha upset (especially over David Archuleta). Won’t happen though. What did you think about last night?