Adam, Adam, Adam. What were you THINKING? Why is it always at this crucial stage of the game when someone does something absolutely idiotic and totally jeopardizes everything? Hurricane Howie season 6, anybody? Chicken George season 7, anybody? America voting Dustin off season 8, anybody? UGH.
Of course, these are just noms. Nothing is sealed until the veto happens. Actually, it already happened, and I already know the results, but I ain’t saying nuthin’ until Tuesday night. In the meantime, check out the photocap…
“Shaving along your jawline? That’s gotta be a joke.”
“The only way I could feel better would be if I could tell five Jacob stories in a row. And then feed my FURRRIENDDS!!!! BEEEBIEEES!!!!! BEEEP BOOOP BOOP BEEEP!!!”
“The extent of my craziness knows no bounds.”
“Here come the whispers again! Little did they realize that I was already whispering in here.”
“Hey guys, I was thinking we should change our name from Team Christ to Team Spearmint Rhino.”
“Bro, don’t laugh at me because I’m wearing a Pikachu t-shirt!”
“Look how crazy I am, America. I’m in a chair feeling sorry for myself. CRAZY!!!!”
“Gabba gabbabgababbgabaglkgabnag BABIES gabagbbabbagaabbba”
“Yew know wut, Big Brother? Yew don’t owe me a new shirt to wear, but ya kinda dew!”
“I’m constantly impressed with my ability to be crazy. Look at me spreading my arms and playing to the camera. I’m so deliberate. It’s CRRAAAAZZY!!!”
“Look at me. I TP’D MY ISLAND!!!”
“Yew know wut? Yew don’t owe me a new pack of 2-Ply Charmin Ultra-Soft, but ya kinda dew!”
“Yew know wut, Natalie? This day is perfect. If something random were to happen like a cup of flour falling on my face, I would die. Die inside. DIE!!!”
“Yew know wut, Ashton Kutcher? Yew don’t owe me a thanks for keeping the spirit of Punk’d alive, but ya kinda dew!”
“Yew know wut, Adam? I’m not going to cry in front of you, owwkay? I’m just gonna turn a little to the side and cry there instead. So yew don’t owe me some privacy, but you kinda dew!”
“Yew know wut? When I stole this bathrobe from the Ronald Reagan Museum, I told the curator, ‘Yew know wut? Yew don’t owe me this robe, but ya kinda dew!'”
“Bro, I’m telling you, this’ll be an easy week. I’m not gonna do anything retarded.”
“Dude, you know what’s retarded? Shaving along your jaw line. Oh, and interracial dating.”
“Sharon? Do you mind? I’m being crazy here.”
“My ass hasn’t just grown, it’s gotten SEVEN TIMES BIGGER!!!”
“It’s like all these potatoes are working against me. I’M ON A SPUD ISLAND!!!”
“Yew know wut? If I have to stop ladling, I would die. Die inside. DIE!!!”
“I couldn’t believe that Ryan diverted my gravy train! Do you even know what that feels like? Everything always happens to ME. I’M ON A DIVERTED GRAVY TRAIN ISLAND!!!!!
“Hey Adam, when have I ever wronged you? Aside from all the scheming I’ve done against you?”
“Dude, there is absolutely no logic in keeping James off the block this week. All you’d be doing would be risking jury votes, weakening your alliance, and taking yourself out of a power position. It would be like shaving and NOT having your beard run across the middle of your cheek!”
“I know, BRO! It’s a lot to think about, BRO! I’m not gonna mess this up, BRO! Gabbbabagabbagbaba BRO!”
“Yew know wut, CBS? Yew don’t owe me another cookie, but ya kinda dew.”
“Adam, have I ever wronged you specifically? I know this is the exact same argument Matt made, and I know that I derided him heavily for it at the time, and I know that we all saw through Matt’s false logic, but you don’t understand. I’M ON AN ISLAND!!! A SELF-SERVING ISLAND!!!”
“James, the only reason people don’t like you is because you mope around all day and have been sour and negative since day one. Plus, you’ve schemed against and then backstabbed our alliance. Gosh, isn’t it sad that of all the people in this house, I’m the only one with a clear grasp of the situation? I don’t even know where the Taj Mahal is!”
“Please, Natalie. My brain does not accept ‘logic’ and ‘personal responsibility.’ You’re overloading it. Please stop. PLEASE.”
“What if I did something reeeeeallly embarrassing and sad? Would that sway your vote?”
“Okay… here goes!!!”
“Look at me! I’m sobbing! Do you even realize what this feels like? I haven’t cried since I was fourteen. That means my tears are more significant than your tears!”
“Gabbagabbbagabbagabba (sniff) I love you, bro gabbagabbagabba.”
“It’s okay, James. I like your lack of logic.”
“Well, my work is done. Back to being crazy.”
“My beard is normal, right? Right? I just don’t know anymore. I’M ON A BEARD ISLAND, BRO!!!”
“Yew know wut? Yew don’t owe me the first key out of the box, but ya kinda dew!!”
“Yew know wut, Adam? Thank you, THANK YEW for ruining my day!”
“Beep Boop?”
“So, does everyone feel adequately fucked over?”
“Yew know wut, big green pillow? Yew’d never vote me out, roight? Yew don’t owe me your undying love and support, but ya kinda dew!”
