It may have been several day ago, but Wednesday’s installment of Big Brother was great. We had fights in the house, squirming on the live show, drama on the jury, a tie in the voting, and an HOH competition fraught with conspiracy theories and intrigue (and a tie breaker). I loved every ounce of it. Well, almost every ounce of it. I was truly sad to see Natalie go. I really liked her, even though she did spout off about Jesus every two seconds. She looked absolutely devastated to be going home, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so bad for an evictee before. I mean, two quote her, she looked D-U-N DUN. It really was one of those soul-crushing moments. When she stood there by the door one last time and had this hopeless, sobbing look on her face, I just felt terrible. Call me a softy (or call me crazy), but that’s the way I felt. So sue me!
Then there was that HOH competition. Now, I’m not necessarily a Sharon fan, but when it looked like she might be winning the competition, I got kind of excited. A victory by her would turn everything upside down. Plus, it would be cosmic justice for getting rid of Natalie. However, as we all know, she did not win because on the deciding question, Julie asked if there were still any pre-exististing relationships in the house, and Sharon essentially said no. There was a huge pause, and then Julie said that Ryan was right (as he had said yes — or “fact”). The pre-existing relationship? The guinea pigs. This was a such a cheap, trick question, and it immediately reeked of producer shenanigans — almost as if they wanted Ryan to win (or at least push it to a tie-breaker, which is what ultimately happened). Honestly, when you’ve trapped these people in a house for two months and they’ve come this far, it’s an enormously dick move to have their quest for half a million dollars hinge on such a stupid question. Nevertheless, the resultant tie-breaker led to a Ryan HOH win, which I’m fine with, but it’s just not as interesting as if Sharon had won. Oh well.
Here’s the photocap…
“Hey guys. I was just talking to Jesus, and he said you guys were gonna stay loyal to me. Just wanted to confirm…”
“Yew know wut? If no one confronts Natalie about her scheming, I would die. Die inside. DIE!!!”
“I’m painting my hair the color of Christ!”
“C’mon, bro. Let’s have a bro-frontation, okay bro?”
“GOOOOD LORD! What in the BEEP BEEP is going on in this BOOP?”
“Adam, when you point all five of your fingers at me, it makes me realize we he have five people in the house, and five time two is ten, and next week is week ten, and ten plus one is eleven, and that’s my lucky number, so obviously you’ll have to keep me.”
“Yew know wut, CBS? Yew don’t owe me my own dye kit, but ya kinda of dew!”
“Yew know wut? Sometimes I wish Evel Dick would just come in and rescue me from this place. KNOW THAT!”
“Hey guys, I tried to do the Chelsia look, but I messed up.”
“Maybe I overplayed it this week. Maybe I made too many plans. Maybe I went too far. But the truth remains that I was always, always loyal to you guys. And Sharon. And Sheila.
“I’m gonna stab this frying pan until I get the Devil out of it.”
“I’m sorry, Julie. Could you please repeat the beep boop?”
“I just want to see the mini table, Julie. But then again, if I could give Matty another blowjob, that would be cool too.”
“Well, Julie, to, you know, answer your question, you know, I think that, you know, maybe, you know, ummmm…. well, it’s like, ummm, you know… is it getting hot in here, bro? You know, because I’m getting shiny. So, you know, um, you know, so yeah.”
“Yew know wut, Julie? Yew don’t owe Rye-Bread some decent air conditioning, but ya kinda dew!”
“So what have I been up to at the jury house? Not much. Just TROUBLE.”
“I hope whoever walks through those doors appreciates my VERY modern haircut.”
“Hey guys, it’s me. I got voted out of the house. Do any of you really know what that’s like? Because I don’t think you do. I’M ON A JURY ISLAND!!!”
“When I tear up, my haircut tends to get more modern. Does that trouble you?”
“You have to realize that I don’t CARE about the money because I’m not materialistic, but I’m just saying that you ruined my chance at winning all that money that I deserved and wanted.”
“Well, I guess I’m just too much TROUBLE for you.”
“You abandoned me. You made everything bad. You are to blame for EVERYTHING. But just to be clear, it’s me who’s been isolated.”
“Hey there! Why you crying? Let me make you feel silly for getting emotional over the hurtful things I’ve said.”
“Yew know wut, Julie? I just knewwww there’d be a tie. It had to be. HAD TO BE!”
“Yew know wut, Adam? I’m forty-six years old. I don’t appreciate being in this position, owkay? KNOW THAT!”
“Hi Julie. You look so beautiful. Did Jesus do your hair too?”
“Fact or Fiction: we’re going to now give you guys an incredibly shady competition at an incredibly important juncture in the game.”
“Fact or Fiction: we will now screw Sharon out of an HOH win.”
“Yew know wut, Sharon Stone? Yew don’t owe me praise for my ‘Basic Instinct’ impersonation, but ya kinda dew!!!”
