The screen shots from tonight’s live show haven’t been posted at CBS just yet; so I’ll have to wait a little to do my recap thingy, but in the meantime, I just have to talk about tonight’s wonderful, amazing episode. There were so many awkward, bizarre moments that I couldn’t help clapping along. And I was alone. Who claps when they’re alone? Not me. BUT I DID TONIGHT.
I honestly don’t know where to begin. The footage of Chelsia going mad was nothing but amazingly delightful. She probably thought she was being so hilariously “anti,” much like Janelle in her heyday, but sadly for Chelsia, she lacks the cool calculation (not to mention the smarts and charisma) of our favorite blond bombshell. Don’t believe me? Take a look at this hilarious clip from season six:
Still priceless, right?
Yes, Chelsia’s egg-mashing rampage was oddly riveting, but more because it was just so… sad. And desperate. It didn’t wreak of glorious revenge. It just felt like one last, lame attempt to be outrageous. But that’s Chelsia for you. Always causing TROUBLE.
I did feel sort of bad for Natalie during the whole thing. Normally I have a gag reaction towards the bible thumpers, but she just has such a vulnerable, sweet, and lost quality about her that you kind of give her a pass for clinging onto anything that might keep her sane. Funny how the religious preachiness always kicks in around this time each season. Last year, Amber started off as only mildly Christian, but as the pressure turned on, it was like she and God were chatting it up like two higher schoolers on the phone.
I think the other thing I like about Natalie is that she seems to be in la-la land for 95% of the week, and then suddenly, she’ll have these moments of intense clarity when it comes to strategy. Her voice turns into a vicious rasp, and she barks out orders with such urgency you’d think she were planning some sort of maritime assault on Guam. The scary thing is that when she gets like that, she’s usually right on!
That’s why I was absolutely thrilled that she won the HOH competition. I was on the edge of my seat during that thing, but for some reason, I wasn’t watching her. Instead, I had my eyes on Josh, who I feared might walk away with the victory. If that had happened, I would have vomited right there on the spot (which would have been too bad because I had just cooked myself up a delightful dinner). I thought the Tantastic Temper might actually win, but then I suddenly realized that Natalie was like two steps ahead of him, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I kind of wanted Sheila to win too, but this is probably better. Sheila might have been too much of a roller coaster for me. I would have lost my mind.
It really was great watching JoshuaHUH (the huh represents the guttural exhalation I make to represent the “h” at the end of his name) hang his head in defeat. To think, he just spent three minutes exposing the biggest pit stains this side of Jase, and for what? NOTHING. I guess he won’t be clucking as much anymore. Hearing him boast about his strategical prowess was akin to, well, nothing. It truly was in a class of awfulness by itself. And I loved how he chided Chelsia for exposing a “dark side” with her eggy wrath. This coming from a guy who probably would curse out a potholder if he had the chance.
But alas, it looks like JoshuaHUH and the rest of Nerd Herd 2008 will have to suffer a week of hell now that the power has remained with Natalie, Ryan, Sheila, and Adam. And speaking of Adam, how great was that segment on him? He really is a big, likable oaf, even if he does egregiously call mentally challenged kids “retards.” The montage of him talking in Adam-speak was slightly awesome, if only to hear a pissy Sheila scoff, “In English, ADAM!” Yew know wut? Yew don’t owe me clearly articulated werds, but ya kinda dew!
Even better though was Adam’s one-on-one with Julie Chen. It started off on a bizarrely gabby note as Adam addressed her as “dear,” and for a moment, it was like watching two gal-pals chat away into the night. Unfortunately for Julie, she got him excited, and whoops, there he was saying “Fucking shit” (if my lip reading holds up). I was mildly surprised that the Chenbot didn’t reprimand him, especially after James got a harsh talkin’ to for merely saying “crappy.”
I noticed, by the way, that James was back in “crazy” mode tonight, as evidenced by his little jump thing after placing his vote. This isn’t me James-hating (okay, maybe a little), but it seems like he only acts “crazy” when he knows the camera’s on him — ie. a veto ceremony, live show. That’s why I think his whole crazy persona falls a little flat, but I won’t get back into that. Even I’m tired of that discussion (at least for now).
Ah, but at the end of the night, this show was all about Chelsia. She certainly did go down in a ball of flames, and it was spectacular. Poor girl though. We aren’t laughing with you. We’re laughing at you. First came her prickly tirade against the house, which was all sorts of embarrassing for her. It started off politely enough, but then she launched into a whole screed against her roommates, at one point announcing that she did NOT become materialistic like everyone else. This comes from the girl who seconds ago claimed that she wanted to play longer — for what? Oh that’s right. A CASH PRIZE. She then made some strange comment about not needing to breast-feed off anyone else because she never bended to anyone’s ways, and finally, she wrapped things up by stating vociferously that if she were to leave tonight, she would do so with DIGNITY. She then added, “I will also be leaving with the most modern haircut you’ll ever see. IT’S ASYMMETRICAL!”
Okay, maybe she didn’t say that last part, but she did get on her high horse about dignity. That’s right. The sort of dignity that comes with getting drunk on national TV, taking off your top, making out with another girl, and rubbing up against all the men of the house. (If you’re not watching Big Brother: After Dark, you’re missing out).
Sure enough, Chelsia was unanimously sent packing (even James voted to get rid of her), and when she got up, her fiery rage once again got the best of her. She told Adam to get a backbone (why? Because he did to her what she did to someone else?), said something about Ryan or Sheila, and then told Natalie to get an education. It was great TV; although, I fear Chelsia will never understand why.
The Chenbot then conducted a fairly lengthy interview with many on-the-fly questions (sounds like somebody’s OS has been upgraded!). Julie was actually on fire tonight, starting with her rousing attempt to say “A. Ballah!” It was kind of like the most awkwardly robotic moment of the season for her. She also had a few other gems during his house guest banter segment, but I really can’t remember them (although, I still have Sharon’s piercing voice in my head: “my beeebies!!!”)
Overall, a great installment. What did you guys think?