The new cast of Survivor: Samoa was revealed this week, and based on the photos released to the press, I think we can make a few assumptions: a) this cast is more bikini-tastic than ever. b) huh. I guess that was it. Okay, so it was really only one assumption, but that’s alright. It looks like we got our usual mix of pretty Los Angeles bartender types mixed with a few oddball older people who will mostly be weeded out by week three or four. You know, I like the eye-candy as much as anyone else, but sometimes I wish the entire cast was FILLED with the crazies. What a season THAT would be. Casting people — what do you think?
Anyway, onto a preview of the cast.
ASHLEY TRAINER, 22, Spa Sales
“Don’t mind me. I’m just here, hanging out by this rotting tree. And how are YOU?”
BEN BROWNING, 28, Mixologist
“Why yes, I am very plain.”
BETSY BOLAN, 48, police officer
“Wait, this ISN’T an ad for Dove Bodywash?? Then what the HELL am I doing here?”
BRETT CLOUSER, 23, t-shirt designer
“Isn’t my t-shirt awful? I designed it myself. Thanks!”
DAVID BALL, 38, fitness instructor
“Fitness is my job, but my real passion is hunting down children.”
ELIZABETH KIM, 33, urban planner
“I skinned Gumby for this outfit, and don’t think I won’t do it again.”
ERIK CARDONA, 28, bartender
“That white stuff on the rock? That ain’t bird shit. Awwww yeah!!!”
JAISON ROBINSON, 28, law student
“Um, has anyone seen my belt? Seriously, I can’t find it. Anyone? Anyone at all?”
JOHN FINCHER, 25, rocket scientist
“I’m totally gonna win this game. I mean, it’s not like you have to be a ROCKET SCIENTIST to figure it out. Hahahahaha, never gets old.”
KELLY SHARBAUGH, 25, hairstylist
“Ratings!”
LAURA MORETT, 39, Office Manager
“I will manage this game just like I manage my office: with PASSION!”
MARISA CALIHAN, 26, student
“Please don’t move. This is my only good angle.”
MICK TRIMMING, 33, doctor
“Hello there. I’m Dr. Mick Trimming, and oh my, I seem to have lost my shirt. Just another day in the life of Dr. Mick Trimming, at your service.”
MIKE BORASSI, 62, private chef
“My breath smells like cilantro!”
MONICA PADILLA, 25, law student
“I want to make love to a dolphin.”
NATALIE WHITE, 26, pharmaceutical sales
“Y’all know where I can get some Crab Rangoon? I love that stuff!”
RUSSELL HANTZ, 36, oil company owner
“I’ve already murdered three cast members. That’s not gonna be a problem, will it?”
RUSSELL SWAN, 42, attorney
“Little known fact: I was once in the Dave Matthews Band.”
SHANNON WATERS, 45, sales rep
“TOOT TOOT! There’s a new sheriff in town, and she’s ready to kick some ass! Now who wants to make a dreamcatcher???”
YASMIN GILES, 33, hairstylist
“What? I think this is a very appropriate outfit to wear on Survivor. You never know when you’ll need a light vest in the jungle!”
This cast looks awesome. I wonder if Ben Browning knows Memphis.
really?
27 days with no big brother post, and all we get are a few pics with one line?
i call BALDERDASH!
welcome awake big boy
Both the Russell captions made me laugh. Out loud.
David Ball is going to be the first one out.
Another short bald bulky Russell with a ‘tude reality contestant.? Are they in season or what?
Shannon owns her look.!
hb
Does anyone else think these pics were shot in an Olan Mills studio?
It’s hard to tell from one picture but the rocket scientist looks hawt.
I already hate Erik. With a passion. That burns from many suns.
Brett – Gives me knew appreciation for how something as simple as a t-shirt can be so awful in such varied and complex ways.
David – I picture him being attacked by a pack of wild dogs — the night before filming begins.
Elizabeth – I predict a piercing, squeaky laugh.
Erik – Is wearing a much larger man’s clothes.
Jaison – A lot of wrinkles.
John – How long did the stylist work on ironing that shirt tail so that it flipped up just so?
Kelly – Is not someone I would ask for hair advice.
Laura – Sat in that position without moving for 20 minutes.
Marisa – Really weird posture (see group photo)
Mick – Really annoying. (I’m not sure why.)
Mike – Designated eccentric old guy.
Monica – Law-student-because-she-couldn’t-get-a-job
Natalie – Eye candy that get’s voted off early.
Russell H. – Toss up: insufferable or mensch?
Russell S. – attorney who part-times at Target
Shannon – If she “owns her look” — she makes a fine case for renting.
Yasmin – Will continually be creating new and exciting fashions from Survivor bandanas and palm fronds.
In the group photo, is it my imagination, or does Dr. Mick look like he’s about 5’3″?
I really, really hope Monica doesn’t give me a reason to dislike her. Cause I like her very much right now.
I have a $50 that says Russell Swan is gonna go after Ashley, Natalie and Kelly like a horn dawg. Any takers? Didn’t think so.
Seriously, ONE African American woman? Hollywood is getting so prejudice. Blonde white woman and black man.
Just trying this new site. Hope it is fun
Russell Swan reminds me a bit of Predator
I didn’t know Charlie Manson had any children, yet Russell is here.
I went to school with erik. He’s a cool cat. Good luck!
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