“Well hello.”
Back when I joined Twitter in February, I announced a plan. I wanted to gain at least a thousand followers and have one of them be a celebrity. Well, it’s almost three months later, and I’m at a steady 389 followers, which is nice, but let’s face it: I really expected to be crossing the 50,000 threshold by now. Nevertheless, while I’m more or less happy with the progress of my Twitter army, I’m a bit concerned about this whole celebrity follower issue. Namely, that I have none. For a brief second, I thought Shia LaBoeuf had signed up to receive my droll commentary about life and its ironies, but it turned out that it was a fake Shia. Consider my mood dashed.
Compounding my frustration is that I actually know two people who could be considered celebrities, but I don’t have the sort of friendship with them that they’d just ADD me, and I feel nerdy emailing them and asking them to add me (besides, that takes out all the fun). I really want the celebrity to come organically. However, I’m starting to realize that this might never happen. Therefore, I’m going to entice a celebrity to follow me. And that celebrity is Blair Underwood.
You see, I bitched about my lack of celebrity followers last week on Twitter (if you followed me, you would know this already), prompting my friend Mike at Franklin Avenue to send me a message. He informed me that not too long ago, he had poked fun at Blair Underwood’s omnipresent “MAN UP!” HIV awareness billboards around Los Angeles, and then amazingly enough, Blair himself had contacted Mike and signed up to follow his feed (read about this unlikely turn of events here). According to Mike, if I wanted a celebrity follower, all I had to do was make fun of Blair’s billboards.
Was this all it would take?
But I don’t want to make fun of Blair’s billboards. That’s what Mike did. I refuse to be a copycat. I need a new, fresh take on Blair. Something that will appeal to the man, the myth, the legend. After all, if I could get Blair to follow me, that would lend my Twitter army a necessary boost in star power (not to mention handsomeness â€â€Ã‚ I’m not afraid to admit it. He’s a very handsome man).
So what to give the man who has everything? How about a tribute based on images I found through Google? Behold, my Blair Underwood retrospective:
Here’s Blair at the Paley Center, looking suavely at the camera as if to say, “Did somebody call a handsome man? Because here I am.”
“What’s that over there? Surely it’s not as handsome as I.”
“Isn’t this a handsome hat? I wore it when I went skiing on Mount Handsome. Triple diamond trails only. And by diamond, I mean handsome.”
Here’s Blair in his oft-overlooked Candy Bar Tycoon phase.
“I could so go for some chicken fricassee right now.”
Blair Underwood auditioning for Boyz II Men: The Movie
“Cheers to me being significantly more handsome than anyone who might be looking at this photo right now!”
“Woops. My clothes fell off. Could you MAN UP and get them for me please?”
“I don’t know who these people are, but they aren’t very handsome. Are they still there? Seriously?”
“Someone tell the woman in white that she’s creeping me out.”
“And tell the guy that I don’t appreciate his subtle grazing.”
“With the sheer power of my handsomeness, I will the moon to rise. ARISE, MOON! ARISE!”
“I’m supporting this entire structure with my arm. You see, I’m a load-bearing Blair Underwood.”
“Let me make something clear. Everyone on THIS side of my palm is handsome, okay?”
“You know me, I can never tear myself away from some shirtless fencing. I also enjoy naked Jai Alai, but that’s neither here nor there.”
“Excuse me while I SMOLDER.”
“Must… Man… UP.”
“Hahahhahhaa look at that less handsome man over there.”
This violent image of Blair kind of ruins my perception of him…
That’s better.
“Do you like my throne? It’s from Zanzibar.”
“And one more thing:”
“You’re all fired.”
If Blair or anyone else wants to follow me, my Twitter is http://twitter.com/bsideblog
if you didnt want to be a copycat of mike at franklin ave blog, would the exact opposite have been, oh, i dont know–NOT PURSUING BLAIR UNDERWOOD?
though, you could just talk about how much you liked him as the knicks doctor in sex & the city, and how you were bummed miranda ran back to steve, and then about how you COULDNT HELP BUT WONDER, were we all playing basketball, or was the hard foul to the basket more drive than drivel?
GOOD LAWD that is a pile of sexy. I, for one, commend you on your quest to add a little more Blaire Underwood to your life.
now if you’ll excuse me, my panties seem to have dropped of their own volition. I have to wrangle them back to their proper place.
Ok, Ok, my panties are all akimbo, too, but I would take this in a slightly different direction. Blair’s book about the wonderfully weirdly CONNECTED stuff kids report about when they lived with God before coming to live with us got my family through the impending death of my sister who went way too soon. And it helped her, too…There has got to be some hope in there actually being a place over there for us all to congregate again if pur babies remember coming in from there. So maybe a mention of that book would be the light for that hot, handsome moth. Can’t remember the title, but you could google it then post about it, right? Hey, mebbe even read it.
I don’t know why — but shameless looks good on you B.
hb
You have hit new lows, B-Side. Or have you been watching too much Real Housewives of NYC Reunion? or the ridonculousness also known as the 3 hour Apprentice finale? I know I have.
OMG! I have to go outside for air before I pass out…brb. Jeez!
Yowza that is one SEXY man. I wouldn’t mind if he followed me…to the BEDROOM
Le sigh…